To have one child

[GG300]

My husband and I are expecting our first baby next year. We have spoken very seriously about only having one child as this will suit our lifestyle better, however both of us grew up with a sibling close in age (who we have wonderful relationships with) and are worried about our baby missing out. What are people’s experiences of being/having an only child?

thanks!

I agree here, I've spent a LOT of time playing board games, card games, barbies, lego, dress up, craft, etc.. with my child as she grew up. My niece and nephew won't play together so I've spent a lot of time playing games / toys with my niece or nephew also!!

I think people look at the ideals of both.
So they imagine that only children have a great childhood, getting lots of attention, having a wonderful life being taken to exotic places and being given everything they want.
People also imagine those with lots of siblings had a wonderful childhood, never lonely, always someone there for them, their siblings sharing the burden of aged parents etc.
In reality the truth often lies somewhere in between for both.

I’m not an only child but as a mother who had an only child for 5 years before having 2 more in quick succession, an only child is by far easier. I don’t regret my kids at all, but on a day to day level it is undeniably easier only in multiple ways.

I personally have 5 half siblings, I’m not particularly close with any of them. I love them, I’d never want to see them hurt or anything like that, I only wish them well. But again, on a day-to-day basis we’re not close. Siblings don’t guarantee friends as children or adults. My kids all love each other, but I can’t guarantee they’ll grow up wanting to be close. My middle son I actually think would have preferred to be an only child if I’m being honest with myself.

Don’t make any decisions before you’ve even had kids. Take it as it comes and see how you feel. There’s no right or wrong answer, just what suits your family’s situation.

I wasn't that bothered about having kids and had one because dh really wanted to be a father.
The second my first was born I couldn't wait to do it all over again. We're now in the situation where he's having a vasectomy and I'd be happy to have more if finances and my age allowed.
Having zero kids, one kids or loads of kids is all fine but I'm not sure that its possible to predict how you'll feel because it's such a hormone driven experience. On paper if we were to weigh up the pros and cons in a purely rational way I don't think even one would even look like a good idea!

I wouldn't have just the one on purpose. Being an only was and is shit. No one else to understand/share the problems of your parents with, boring holidays... I would imagine though if you have other close family eg cousins for your child it would lessen the impact considerably.

Very sensible decision given the current financial climate, climate change etc.
When I age I hope my only dd won't have to look after me and will be living her best life. I'll get a carer.

There's always going to be various answers on this. Some people like their siblings, some don't. Some like being only children and some don't. You have to do what is best for you. And I agree that you have to do what is best for you and there's nothing selfish at stopping at one. No one knows what parenting is going to be like until they have a child. Some people struggle more than they thought, some people have traumatic births and some people have terrible mental health after a child. Its completely OK and beneficial to say you want to stop at one.

And parents don't come second to children. No child is going to thrive or have a happy childhood if they have parents that are unhappy, overstretched and mentally unwell if that is what will happen if you have a second child. I can appreciate some only child had lonely childhoods but I get tired reading on here the absolute black and white views that some only children have on siblings in thinking that it would have enriched their lives and stopped them feeling lonely and parents should put aside their own health and wellbeing to provide them with a sibling.

There's absolutely no guarantees that all siblings get on, or they'll stop you feeling lonely or they'd provide you with support. Lots of people like myself have no contact with their siblings and have far more support from friends. There's a million things worse than being an only child and it's a shame that those on here can't seem to accept that siblings are not the be all and end of all of everything.

I became suicidal after having my child and ended up in a psychiatric ward and took a long time to recover from having severe PND. No one could have seem this happening, there were no risk factors. Are you honestly suggesting my health and wellbeing don't matter and that I risk this again to give my child a sibling they may not even get on with. That I should risk potentially becoming so unwell I leave my child without a mother all because I come second? Attitudes like yours are appalling, a complete lack of empathy and total unawareness there's far worse things in life than being an only child. I'd rather my child had a mentally well mother thank you.

Yep, terrible attitude 😔

Your lifestyle will be upside down regardless of how many children you have, but it does get easier. It does still feel "full on" at times just having one child sometimes. There's still frequent illnesses, times when she's dysregulated and needs lots of input from us, times when she's overtired and angry, and our lives do (as they should) revolve around her. Its still a child-centric life despite just having one child. All that being said, me and her Dad can both work part time as there's less financial burden with having one. If we had another we'd have to move to a bigger house, so its nice to just be within our means and enjoy a less intense pace of life. DP and I both have time to do hobbies now she is 5 and is more able to entertain herself more independently.

DD benefits from having lots of time with each of us. She is a very sociable child (as are we as adults) so we have lots of visitors / people over at the weekends etc, but its nice that when they leave the house is peaceful and we can all wind down. She loves going to school.

I very much understand the benefits of siblings and have a great relationship with my sister, but I've made peace with the fact that my job is not to replicate my childhood, rather to work with the situation I have and make the best of it. I want to give her a good life and that will be my focus. I'm alright with that now (though I wasn't initially).