To have one child

[GG300]

My husband and I are expecting our first baby next year. We have spoken very seriously about only having one child as this will suit our lifestyle better, however both of us grew up with a sibling close in age (who we have wonderful relationships with) and are worried about our baby missing out. What are people’s experiences of being/having an only child?

thanks!

Many single adult children feel miserable due to loneliness and a lack of family ties. Please consider this carefully when making your decision.

😂

Just have the baby and see how you feel then. Absolutely pointless giving it any thought now as you don't know how you'll find motherhood.

Before I became a mum I always thought I'd have 3 but have now concluded that 2 is the perfect number for us so that's what we stopped at.

There is zero way of predicting how you'll feel.

Evidence ?
My dh has done alot better than me. He's an only I have a not so nice sister.

My husband and I always said we were happy to be "one and done" he's an only child and I technically was as my dad was married before my mum and my siblings are a lot older than me and I have never lived with them. My birth experience and my severe post natal depression cemented that decision even more. I honestly couldn't go through it again. We are happy with our choice and happy to focus all of our attention on our one child and it also means we have the funds to fund anything she might want to pursue. My husband and I never once wished for a sibling and I never wished for mine to have been closer in age/ to have lived with me. I actually have never met siblings who liked each other before becoming adults 🤣. A lot of people I meet say "when's the next one" and don't believe me when I say never. It's getting to the point I actually just bite back with are you going to help me with the next one when I'm suicidal with pnd then? It soon shuts them up 🤣 husband is currently fighting with the GP to get a vasectomy as they're refusing because he only has one child. Why can't people be allowed to make their own decisions? Definitely see how you feel after your first (congrats) but don't ever feel pressured into having another just because other people think it's what you should do x

Honestly?

I think one child suits the parents.

Having siblings suits the kids.

I have three children and am so happy I do. They love each other, play with each other and are deeply important to each other. I think they'd be missing out not experiencing that.

Like lots of parents with one child, you may not have a choice about having another.

Something parents of 2/3/4 kids conveniently forget when they bang on about lonely onlies and his ghastly it must be to have no siblings. Not everyone CAN have another child.

seriously. What an unpleasant heartless post.
I cannot have a second child due to life limiting illness and associated infertility. But thanks for your feedback on my selfish inability to only have one child.

I am an adult only child and I feel quite alone in life and without a support network. People will come along and tell me my feelings aren't valid though.

Of course they're valid. I remember your post about being unsure re having children

I grew up with a sibling until I was 9, then my parents split and I was an only child as a teen (barely saw sibling). I can honestly say that as a teen I didn't think about being a sibling or only at any point.

My only child is very happy. Wanted a sibling for a year or so then definitely didn't want one.

My sibling was actively unhelpful when one of our parents died and has basically cut the other one off, who can and has walked over hot coals for them. So don't rely on a sibling being any help, love or support to your existing child.

On the flip side, half of my stepsiblings are ace. So you never know what you're getting. Make the choice for you, not your child.

Sorry but I was an only child and it was an incredibly lonely existence. I was very jealous of all my friends with siblings. Our house always seemed so quiet and lifeless in comparison to theirs.

My DM was also an only and struggled hugely when the time came to care for her elderly parents.

Nothing wrong with it. I'm an only child and loved it, still do. DD is also an only child and nearly an adult. She likes it too. She wouldn't change anything and neither would I. So many siblings don't get on or even bother with each other, they're not guaranteed friends. Ignore anyone who tries to guilt you.

I'm 25 weeks with my first baby. I have 3 siblings with a sister only 1 year apart from me. We hated eachother growing up but best of friends now! DP is an only child and said he hated it. He had amazing education and financial benefit from his mother being the only child but said he was incredibly lonely and wanted a sibling so bad!
He has ADHD though and thinks this made him struggle to make friends hence the extreme loneliness so perhaps he had friends he would've been fine without a sibling? I'm pretty set on one myself but DP wants atleast 2 given his childhood. I've agreed to see how I feel once the first arrives then we can discuss yes or no to anymore!

Constantly being told that I should know better because I was older and that I shouldn't let it get to me when my younger sibling bullied me in school with their friends and i stood alone, that was my personal highlight.

There's no right or wrong answer here. I'm an only and I have an only. I always promised I would never have one as I was so desperate to have a sibling and then here we are! My parents each had siblings and told me how lucky I was not to have to deal with all that. They don't have a good relationship.

There are millions of happy only children out there with good parents who make sure they don't feel left out and have friends with them. Do what suits your family and make the best of it.

I was an only until much older due to separated parents and it was very lonely so I knew I wanted my child to have siblings

So the parents don't matter then?

Yes I would say when having kids, the parents should come second.

That's a shame.

On the flip side I have two brothers I'm not close to at all and honestly, I'd have been happy as an only child.
I pretty much grew up with my best friend who lived next door.

I don't think anyone can really say with confidence they would have been happier in a situation they've never experienced.

I don't know if I would have been happier with siblings, but I do know I was desperately lonely as an only child. Respectfully, I don't think friends and siblings are comparable by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm not having another because the career and hobbies I've built up over the last two years would come to a standstill, and my mental health massively depends on them. I'd be a shit mum to two children. I wouldn't cope.

But that doesn't matter. By your logic, my child's wishes always come first. She'd get her sibling to play with (supposedly), and I'd end up miserable.

Makes sense.

What if a 2nd child had additional needs or disabilities and , in some cases rightly so, the majority of attention and resources went on them? Would that help the 1st child ?

Respectfully, I disagree.
I love my mum and dad, but with regards to siblings and even cousins, I would happily choose friends over family any day.

I can choose my friends. I can't choose my family.

I am firmly one and done. Had an awful birth experience, add covid restrictions on top of that, had to do it all on my own in hospital including labour ending in an EMCS and baby in NICU for 3 weeks because my partner wasn’t allowed to be there, throw in severe PND and not being able to get out or even just hug my own mum for months after just cemented it for me. It scarred me and I’ll never be able to mentally push past it. My 4yo dd has mentioned a couple of times if she will ever have a sister or brother and I’ve said no, we are perfect as we are and family’s come in all shapes and sizes. Couldn’t give 2 shits if others think I’m selfish, I’m doing what’s best for me and my family.

Just because you have a sibling doesn’t 100% guarantee you’ll get along. I’m one of 4 and none of us speak to each other, may as well be strangers in the street tbh and we can’t stand each other. Just because your related by blood doesn’t mean that your going to be best friends.