To be annoyed at DMIL for putting a wet towel in the dustbin?

[FloralFantastic]

DS peed on the bathmat this evening - the in laws were kindly babysitting. When we got home we were told that DMIL had thrown away the bathmat - in the outside bin, drenched with both water and pee. Rubbish won't be collected for another week. I was livid at 1) the wastefulness as would have just washed in, and 2) why on earth she'd put it in wet, as whilst I'm not gonna eat my dinner from my outside bin I'd also rather not needlessly invite bacteria and mould to it. She said she put it in a bin bag if that helps.

DH is telling me I'm being needlessly irate and should 'just' be grateful for the babysitters - thoughts?!

There are bigger things to worry about. Get it back out of the bin and wash it, and apologise to your MIL, who was taking care of your child for you at the time.

we "must" take up their babysitting offers even when we don't really fancy it / it then feeling impossible to mention anything that we're uncomfortable with (and yep we need to work out if there was anything behind DS's accident!).

Wow you sound more of a dick every time you post.

It was bad enough that you nitpicked over your MIL throwing away a bath mat when we thought she was babysitting for the evening.
I don’t like waste but it was obviously not malicious.

But now you’ve admitted that you’ve not gone away for just 1 night, it’s more and you have the nerve to moan about 1 bath mat.

Then you’re saying you’re basically forced to have her babysit - if that was in any way true (which it obviously isn’t) then you would just go for the 1 evening and not stay out for the entire night, let alone more than 1!

And now you’re implying that there’s something behind DS’s accident - yet you’re happy to be staying away and drinking.

You’re either not a very nice person and dislikes your MIL and will nitpick over anything or she’s not that great and you’re a bad parent and will leave your kids with her knowing she’s not good around your kids.

I’m wondering if this is a reverse as I struggle to believe anyone would admit to being such a twat.

Exactly!! 👏👏

Isn't the problem that you go away for a few days when you don't want to?🙄

OP you are being OTT
And I hate to break it to you but your outside bin will be full of bacteria and maybe mould

Either you really can’t afford to throw away a cheap bathmat, in which case you aren’t being “forced” by MIL to accept her babysitting but rather by your circumstances, or you have loads of other babysitting options, in which case the cost of a new bathmat is peanuts. Which is it?

I don’t disagree it’s mildly annoying that she threw the mat away instead of washing it or leaving it for you to wash but unless there is some other back story about her generally being profligate with your possessions I can’t see any reason to take it further.

I can understand your annoyance at this OP. I don't think the babysitting has anything to do with it? The bath mat belongs to you, your mil doesn't get to decide what happens to it. Why didn't she just leave it in the bath for you or dh to deal with when you got home if she couldn't bear to deal with it?

It's insanely wasteful to just bin something that could easily be washed, I would find it hard to keep quiet if anyone did that with something of mine.

She's not going to leave it smelling in the bath for the entire weekend they are providing childcare for.

"Clearly should just have stayed home."

I don't understand this passive aggressive statement. Why? So that you might have saved the bath mat?

"the point of this thread was to check how reasonable opening up a conversation with her would be about either washing or replacing it or even just not doing it again"

Not very reasonable at all given you have just had a few days away sans kiddy, thanks to them. I don't think telling her to wash it or replace it would come over well. It would make you seem peevish and ungrateful.

Right. So the bath mat is too bacteria ridden to put in the bin, but OK to leave in the bath for several days til the OP comes home. But my Mumsnet standards I am a complete slob, but even I wouldn't do that!!

You’re being absolutely pathetic

Very very well put x

I’m shocked that so many MILs agree to babysit. They can’t do anything right. The lack of empathy from many DILs on MM is general is quite sad given their MILs are doing a favour.

OP she isn’t you! They means that she’ll do things differently. Think about it down her perspective. She might well be nervous about having sole charge of little kids in the evening and especially if this involved bathing where there is risk and the potential for things to go wrong. When it happened she probably didn’t know how to handle it and was worried. If she left it on the ground you might have complained about the smell or they the kids stepped on it. If she washed it with other close you might have been disgusted that other clothes were exposed to pee. If she washed it out in the sink you might have been grossed out that you wash food there. I’m sure there’s a way that you would have liked her to handle it but this is not obvious to other people and might be hard tot think of when stressed and worried.

Thank her for her time, reassurance her that the peeing on the mat is normal and didn’t bother you and tell her ther you don’t expect her to take care of these things in future. She can just leave it and you’ll take care of any messes when you get home. Approach this with love to reassure her and you’ll get a much bette result.

Please can you explain why you can't just collect it from the bin and give it a wash. If it was me I would be slightly bemused that MIL had thrown it then do exactly that.

Because she isn't there!

She's away & her ILs are at her house looking after the kids.

OP I want to be able to vote YABU a second time after your updates.

You have in-laws who are able and eager to watch your multiple children for days at a stretch for free. Your MIL tossed an inexpensive bath mat which you admit is probably what she would have done at her own home so not some statement about what she thinks of your possessions.

Every bit of this thread sounds like you choosing anger and resentment. If I were your DH trying to enjoy a kid-free celebration weekend away with you and you chose to rant to me about this and my parents who were watching our children and home for free I would be pretty irritated with you. Let it go and move on.

The op said she did retrieve the bath mat from the bin.

Absolutely.

Very ungrateful OP. You're so lucky to have ILs willing and able to do this for you. Get a grip!!

Where?

Well no she won't have washed it already, because she and her DH are away for a FEW DAYS and she still wants to man at her MIL who is holding the fort at home with their children ... I can't believe the cheek of OP.

Because she's enjoying several days away with her DH, because she's damned lucky to have caring, involved IL's who will look after her kids. But she can't see how fortunate she is.

@LBFseBrom no she didn't? she says "we are away for a few days"

When she said " got home" in her OP, I think she means got back to where she's staying on her weekend away with her DH (courtesy of her IL's!)

" I'd be pro taking it out the bin and washing it but should have added the point is we're away for a few days and they're housesitting / looking after the kids...
so I'd be needing to convince the in laws to do the fishing out of the bin and washing!!

👌