To stop using Mumsnet for a while because of the constant negative comments about men?

[listsandbudgets]

I've just posted a thread about my missing (now turned up) friend. So many posters assuming that her DP was violent, controlling etc. etc.

Someone else posted about their DP getting a letter from child maintenance about a child he'd never met - again people slagging him of for "sowing his oats" implying he'd been violent and god knows what.

That's just 2 examples. There are some horrible men out there of course there are but it makes me so sad to see this constant underlying misandry here on mumsnet. Men our are sons, brothers, partners and fathers and the very vast majority of them are decent people - flawed perhaps, made some mistakes perhaps but that does not make them violent controlling etc. etc. it makes them human.

Please stop it mumsnet. Certainly attribute blame where it's genuinely due but stop making these awful assumptions it's unhelpful and nasty.

Signing off will be back in a few weeks to see whether or not things have improved - doubt it sadly

Are you actually trying to say that mens bad behaviour is due to their treatment by women?

If you're getting the sads over people on an online forum having different opinions to you, you shouldn't have access to the wifi password. Get back in the playpen.

In the past few months we've read about little girls murdered at a dance class, a village of respectable middle class French men lining up to rape a drugged woman, a woman put in a blender by her husband, the age of marriage lowered to 9 in Iraq, women murdered for not wearing hijab in Iran and Afghanistan women banned from talking in public.

I couldn't give a shit if some people think pointing that out is misandrist.

And that's just murder then add on to that rape, beatings, abuse. A lot that goes unreported

Men are not alienated because they are men. Some groups of men are indeed alienated in our society, but that's not because of their sex, which still affords them a comparative level of advantage and privilege. Where they experience alienation its due to issues such as wealth and class inequalities.
I agree that in their alienation some men are becoming more dangerous, but to point the finger at women who express concern about male behaviour, or even who hate men, is a dangerous misstep that diverts attention from the real problems.
Men are not acting out because women on MN say negative things about some of them. Most men barely know the site exists, and if they do wouldn't give a seconds thought to the opinions voiced here.
Truly if you're worried about men, educate yourself who is really harming them. Because it's actually each other, not us at all. In fact our presence tends to be a protective factor.

Since men are about 50% of the population I don't think some negative comments on mumsnet can alienate them. Decent men understand that some men are awful and they empathise with women who are worried for their safety and had awful experiences as many of us have.

It's tricky when you're raising boys. You think i love these little guys and I don't want them hating themselves because they're men. But obviously I do want them to be the kind type and understand how to be respectful. So I would never say men are this, men are that, just some or even many but not all.

What it is saying is that you haven't been to many places.
Try some sub reddits, or even just some general social media posts written by men. Incel groups, a bit of Andrew Tate?

A small number of people on here hate all men, then many more hate the behaviour of some men and give women a space to talk about that.

I agree with @Wednesdaysdrag

most women who are murdered are killed by their husbands or intimate partner.

that doesn’t mean all men are awful, or that posters hate men. They are simply coming to the logical conclusion that if a woman comes to harm, it’s usually her partner who’s to blame.

Or maybe they were attacked/beaten/abused/raped by a man. Or by more than one men.
There may perhaps be some women who wrongfully hate all men, but it's a tiny percent compared to the number of men who hate women.

I can only imagine you never leave the house. That, or you're woefully unobservant.

You know you could have just said:
'They're probably all frigid'
Would have been less keystrokes for you.

well we haven’t had this fantastical story’s denouement yet?!?

there are some shrewd women on this site who have doubtless
saved (womens) lives
I for one wouldn’t want to see their incisive, astute, clear sightedness
blunted in any way
the cynicism on here is well founded, hard earned and well applied

Maybe those of us not currently being directly affected by mysgonistic abuse are also guilty and complicit because we say "Oh my husband/sons etc are lovely, these man haters are awful." I was certainly doing this at one time.
I have had bad experiences and good with men. But I know there is a massive problem with male on female violence whether im seeing it personally or not.
I will never forget the Sarah Everard documentary - absolutely sickening and just one example.

There's another case going on in the Canaries where a multitude of Europeans raped a young woman and you wonder why a lot of women are anti men??

The door is that way; don't let it smack your arse in the way out.

No I agree with you OP. As soon as anyone says anything minor about their husbands it’s divorce and leave them. Or my favourite that a man would only ever do something as he wants sex.

The jumping to conclusions are crazy and always very extreme. There’s two sides to every story and there’s more than a paragraph on the internet for peoples lives / interactions.

You started a thread titled "where's my friend..." and you're surprised that randoms on the internet speculated wildly about the possibilities?

Maybe the internet isn't for you.

Just read this entire thread and then looked at Active threads. A woman on there is asking for help after being punched several times by her husband. NAMALT but plenty are.

Was there not another case of a journalist in Magaluf who pretended to be drunk - and underage - to see men's reactions predatory behaviour?

Yes I've found it -

www.channel4.com/press/news/channel-4-undercover-documentary-reveals-shocking-levels-predatory-behaviour-and-abuse

Every single one of the women I know has either been beaten, sexually assaulted or raped by a man. Most men I know have been assaulted by a man. Fathers/brothers/uncles tell their female family members to not trust men. The internet is full of men posting rape videos for other men to laugh at. Reddit has 100s of subs about hurting women. Women can't hold female only meetings without being attacked by men who demand access to them. Crimes against women are mostly ignored. Men are making themselves rich by posting about how dumb and worthless women are. But sure, mumsnet is the problem.

'Anything minor' is in fact 'ability to read between the lines.'
It's often glaringly obvious what's going on in a snap shot to women who've seen it before.
And 💯 of the time, the story unfolds, and ltb was absolutely correct.

Wow, first post!
Of course the vast majority of people are decent and nice.
That includes men, of course.
There is, indeed, a very loud minority that goes around assuming everyone is a horrible serial killer, racist, mysoginist and dangerous and this and that.... It is a sad way of seeing the world. I feel bad for them, to be honest!

I find it quite depressing actually

I go out plenty.

This is the only place I see women post - my husband has received a letter from CMS for a child he didn't know he had what do we do - and within minutes there's tens of disgusting posts calling him all sorts of things and saying sickening things about him sowing his oats and being a disgusting liar and user about the poor OPs husband. They know nothing about him, they just know that they despise men so all of them must be the disgusting creatures they decide they are.

Do you think that helps anyone? Do you think that is reasonable behaviour?

Yes its horrendous and makes me worry for the messages given to children about men in the world

I read this site open mouthed at times.

Swap the characteristic of male for any other demographic and it would be racisim/abelism/homophobia blah blah

We know there are more than a reasonable statistic of violent predators and abusers among the male population and its absolutely appropriate to talk about that where its applicable but largely any and nearly all threads on here descend into 'hes a dick' when he's clearly been no such thing. Or worse, 'I couldnt get over that and be considering my future', over a human flaw that we all have.

Tiresome

I agree OP. I've seen threads here where the husband forgets to do something and posters jump to he loathes you, this is his way of showing his contempt and putting you in your place. It's always so extreme, like much of the Internet really I suppose. Between that and trans shite being brought up on every second thread my mumsnet time has gone right down. I've taken up watercolour painting instead, it's far more pleasant.

Because abuse and overall negative experiences with men is so common, so many people automatically don’t trust most men.

Me for example, I was in a severely abusive relationship where I fled during pregnancy and he continued to threaten to k*ll me when I was pregnant. He proceeded to start his smear campaign where he told everyone HE was a victim and I stopped him from seeing his baby ‘for no reason’, everyone automatically believed his lies and treated him like he was a victim. What I’m trying to say is, so many men will portray themselves with a victim mentality, they’d been wronged bla bla and so many people don’t question it. Only when you’ve experienced it, you then question and speak up. But apparently we’re in the wrong for questioning instead of taking things as fact at face value.