To stop using Mumsnet for a while because of the constant negative comments about men?

[listsandbudgets]

I've just posted a thread about my missing (now turned up) friend. So many posters assuming that her DP was violent, controlling etc. etc.

Someone else posted about their DP getting a letter from child maintenance about a child he'd never met - again people slagging him of for "sowing his oats" implying he'd been violent and god knows what.

That's just 2 examples. There are some horrible men out there of course there are but it makes me so sad to see this constant underlying misandry here on mumsnet. Men our are sons, brothers, partners and fathers and the very vast majority of them are decent people - flawed perhaps, made some mistakes perhaps but that does not make them violent controlling etc. etc. it makes them human.

Please stop it mumsnet. Certainly attribute blame where it's genuinely due but stop making these awful assumptions it's unhelpful and nasty.

Signing off will be back in a few weeks to see whether or not things have improved - doubt it sadly

Ok, bye

Are you bored op, this is your second thread today the first one just didn't add up or make sense now this. I think the fact your not weary of men means you've either been lucky or your very sheltered. If your friend was still missing the first person the police would of questioned is her husband as this is unfortunately the reality of life. I'm not a man hater I know some great men but I'm not naive to what some are capable of

I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment tbh, it isn't going to "improve" in a few weeks because most of us are happy with it the way it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Men as a class cause immeasurable harm, oppression and unhappiness to women and girls. This is a female-dominated space and it's entirely appropriate that we speak openly about our negative experience of men here. Frankly, I don't give a shit about "misandry" in one of the precious few places where women can speak freely without being talked over by men. And even the good ones are part of the problem tbh - it's often said that the oppression and abuse of women won't begin to decline until nice, ordinary men start to take an interest in it and see it as their problem as much as ours. Come back and complain about anti-men sentiment on MN when women stop dying, fleeing their homes, losing their children and staying at home when it's dark because it's not safe for them to have freedom of movement.

@anareen
Because chanting repeatedly the vast majority of men are not decent people, is alienating huge swathes of the populace. It is dangerous and does not promote or encourage men in any way to feel positive about themselves. It is a major reason voters in the USA chose Trump.
It reminds me of the 50s and 60s when immigrants were blamed for so much crime. The result was an alienated and excluded group.

And grandparents who won't look after the children for hours every day!

But that’s why a lot of women don’t think men are decent.

Because the ones people think of as are decent, are complicit in the behaviour of the awful ones. Women are often complicit as well. But men created a society where they want to be seen as the protectors but very rarely protect anyone even when they could.

The irony of your post is that the vast majority of posts on mumsnet are from desperate women looking for help from all manner of abhorrent men. From abusers through ti the plain old lazy and selfish. Reading mumsnet will indeed make you think men are not decent as a cohort, because of first hand accounts from their partners.

You don't have to leave for a while, you can leave permanently if you don't like mumsnet. It's not compulsory. I'm sure there are plenty of websites which are kind about men out there you could join instead. Are you really expecting mumsnet to have changed by the time you come back because you flounched?

Some of the replies are just plain nasty and unnecessary.

@Wednesdaysdrag Yes true but a nice/good person being complicit and maybe a bit cowardly/lazy is not the same as someone being a nasty piece of work who sets out to control and denigrate women. They aren't the same level of 'bad' and telling them they are wont help.

There was an attempt at discussion on here a few weeks back about the need to support poor, white boys. They have the worse outcomes of any group and have done for the past fifty odd years. You alienate them at the peril of society.
There were so many posters arguing that we shouldn't be helping these boys. They somehow felt that supporting these outcasts of society, diminished women.
It is not healthy or productive.

I read a very depressing academic paper once whilst at uni, it had a rape study of 2000 college aged males 65% of them would rape if they knew they could get away with it.

I don't find either of those views problematic. Many men are very dangerous.

I like men. Objectively I think I've met more amazing women than men. But there are amazing men too. And plenty of ok men too.

But, a study conducted (I could be wrong but I think it was at a university) found that 1/3 of men would rape women if they thought they'd never be caught. That stat dropped to something like 15% when the word 'rape' was specifically used as opposed to described.

Of course that was one study and can't be generalised to the whole population.

But just highlights that there are lots of awful men. Not only awful in the ways women are often awful, but - dangerous.

I would personally agree that most men, aren't decent. Nor are most women tbf but...from men,not being decent often equals being dangerous.

I don't believe it diminishes good men to point out bad ones.

Think that was the one I was thinking of!

Was it not 1/3, not 2/3?

Yikes that's worse!

Surely you expect things to be skewed, given MN is often a place of solace/advice for women in terrible relationships.

I've also seen posters help an OP unravel a magnitude of shit they weren't even aware they were living with, because their normal had become so tainted.

There is a lot of skepticism and sometimes vitriol, and I have to remind myself that I know many good men. That doesn't take away from the fact there are many bad men though, and we need to be aware of that.

I'm with OP. Mumsnet Misandry is very tedious and puts me off coming on here at all.

I saw your thread about your friend and I admit, my thought was that I hope she was safe from men. That her husband hadn't harmed her, or another man, or a stranger. I genuinely wish it was that easy to "just stop it" but when barely a week goes by when there's not a story about women harmed by men, and when you know for a fact those stories are the tip of the iceberg, when the most likely person to have harmed a woman is her husband, it really isn't. So if it upsets you that some women fear and mistrust men, then by all means stay away from forums where women talk about it. But you've no right to silence it.

Well I must be very lucky because all the men I know are decent loving human beings who care.

Constant negative portrayals of men are unhelpful to the many, many decent young men growing up in our society.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/microagressions

Was about to say stepmums get a right pasting on here

Odd reaction- Why shouldn’t she post this ? You don’t have to read threads that don’t interest you

I agree

On the whole I agree with you, OP.

Particularly the cognitive dissonance between gender disappointment threads (where the MN party line is that there is LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCE between sons and daughters, and expressing a preference for a daughter can only be because you want to put her in dresses and go shopping with her, and anyway don't you know that know that boys can wear dresses and go shopping too, you sexist bigot) and the awful boyfriend/husband threads (where it is completely acceptable to write off the entire class of men as being fundamentally and irredeemable awful).

It makes me uncomfortable and I agree with what @Whiteskies says about it being alienating and dangerous.

Thinking about this, I think it's great in a way that mumsnet is not a place in general where we lay down at mens feet in gratitude.

Because. There are umpteen posts from women who are utterly oblivious that they are in abusive relationships. They have been brought up to believe, that a man, any man, is better than no man; and are living thoroughly miserable lives because of that mantra.

The constant pointing out that very very men are thoroughly rubbish people is helpful to those women.

A lot of men are users and more men have dark triad traits than women. Unfortunately, it's how life is.

Why should women put up and shut up any longer?