Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop using Mumsnet for a while because of the constant negative comments about men?

576 replies

listsandbudgets · 16/11/2024 19:01

I've just posted a thread about my missing (now turned up) friend. So many posters assuming that her DP was violent, controlling etc. etc.

Someone else posted about their DP getting a letter from child maintenance about a child he'd never met - again people slagging him of for "sowing his oats" implying he'd been violent and god knows what.

That's just 2 examples. There are some horrible men out there of course there are but it makes me so sad to see this constant underlying misandry here on mumsnet. Men our are sons, brothers, partners and fathers and the very vast majority of them are decent people - flawed perhaps, made some mistakes perhaps but that does not make them violent controlling etc. etc. it makes them human.

Please stop it mumsnet. Certainly attribute blame where it's genuinely due but stop making these awful assumptions it's unhelpful and nasty.

Signing off will be back in a few weeks to see whether or not things have improved - doubt it sadly

OP posts:
BalletCat · 18/11/2024 21:15

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 18/11/2024 21:03

The thread was about the out and out misandry seen here all the time. Which no, I don't think is reasonable.

Can you post any examples/evidence of the out and out misandry seen here all the time? If it's all the time it should be pretty easy.

I'm not going to trawl threads copying and pasting for you, no.

But an example would be the thread where a woman was upset that her husband had been contacted about CMS about a child he didn't know he had, which was also upsetting for him. The comments quickly devolved into calling him all sorts of disgusting things, a vile comment about sowing his oats and many comments claiming all men are lying cheating scumbags and her husband was clearly no different. It was unpleasant to read and no doubt upsetting for the OP as well as completely unhelpful.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 18/11/2024 21:22

BalletCat · 18/11/2024 21:15

I'm not going to trawl threads copying and pasting for you, no.

But an example would be the thread where a woman was upset that her husband had been contacted about CMS about a child he didn't know he had, which was also upsetting for him. The comments quickly devolved into calling him all sorts of disgusting things, a vile comment about sowing his oats and many comments claiming all men are lying cheating scumbags and her husband was clearly no different. It was unpleasant to read and no doubt upsetting for the OP as well as completely unhelpful.

Shock.

That one example is supposed to show that out and out misandry is seen here all the time? Is that example even misandry?

Or pointing out that this man is responsible for his own contraception and presumably didn’t use protection and in not doing so a baby being produced wasn’t out with the realms of possibility? I didn’t see that particular thread but I’m not sure this counts as misandry.

Any others?

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 18/11/2024 21:25

The whole “misandry all the time thing” - I don’t really believe misandry is a thing (at least not a problematic thing…someone on MN once pointed out misogyny is about hurting women, where misandrists only want to avoid men not hurt them…anyway) but I have seen many threads over th years where people complaining about their DH and lots of big accusations are made about him. Sometimes there’s near identical threads about women behaving the same way and they’re encouraged and applauded. But I don’t read ALL the MN threads. Does anyone? So no one can say if there’s threads like this “all the time” or not. What you click on will be different to what I click on. But these double standard threads do happen now and again.

OPsSockpuppet · 18/11/2024 21:26

BalletCat · 18/11/2024 21:00

Where have I said I feel uncomfortable around women? I just don't like the way women treat other women especially in group settings. I'm not uncomfortable or intimidated, I just don't like it. Many women I know can't stand the bitchyness that inevitably occurs in female dominanted spaces and prefer male friends or just prefer solitude. I am the same. So it's not a like for like parallel like the one you're trying to present. I was pointing out that all the bullying I have ever endured was at the hands of women in reply to posters claiming all men are bullies and women would never because they're the victims in society.

Women are perfectly entitled to feel uncomfortable with men but that's not what this thread was about. The thread was about the out and out misandry seen here all the time. Which no, I don't think is reasonable.

The parallel to that would be me posting hateful comments about women constantly accusing them all of heinous acts and definitely being terrible people no matter how nice they appear. Which is also unreasonable. So I'm not sure why people are trying to paint me as a misogynist just because I don't believe all women are good and unproblematic.

Please tell me where I have said it's not ok for women to feel uncomfortable around men? Please also tell me where I said I feel uncomfortable around women? You're making things up to fit some sort of narrative here.

Well, no one can tell you how you feel, and if you don’t like women, then that’s obviously fine.

But the way you’ve presented your points has very much sounded like you’ve come on here to tell women they’re wrong for being suspicious/fearful of the male class of people, despite the overwhelming evidence that males have caused and continue to cause devastation to women, children and each other.

Why else would you choose this thread to announce that you once had a dreadful team of women at work? Your stance has been combative on a thread in which women are explaining, with facts and statistics, why men are a blight on the world, however we might feel about individual men.

Wednesdaysdrag · 18/11/2024 21:38

BalletCat · 18/11/2024 21:00

Where have I said I feel uncomfortable around women? I just don't like the way women treat other women especially in group settings. I'm not uncomfortable or intimidated, I just don't like it. Many women I know can't stand the bitchyness that inevitably occurs in female dominanted spaces and prefer male friends or just prefer solitude. I am the same. So it's not a like for like parallel like the one you're trying to present. I was pointing out that all the bullying I have ever endured was at the hands of women in reply to posters claiming all men are bullies and women would never because they're the victims in society.

Women are perfectly entitled to feel uncomfortable with men but that's not what this thread was about. The thread was about the out and out misandry seen here all the time. Which no, I don't think is reasonable.

The parallel to that would be me posting hateful comments about women constantly accusing them all of heinous acts and definitely being terrible people no matter how nice they appear. Which is also unreasonable. So I'm not sure why people are trying to paint me as a misogynist just because I don't believe all women are good and unproblematic.

Please tell me where I have said it's not ok for women to feel uncomfortable around men? Please also tell me where I said I feel uncomfortable around women? You're making things up to fit some sort of narrative here.

You don’t like being around women so you are uncomfortable around women. Are you suggesting being around people you don’t like is also very comfortable.

You don’t have to be intimated to be uncomfortable.

Bitchyness is not inevitable in female dominated spaces. That’s just factually incorrect. I am involved in many female dominated spaces. Including my office. It’s not bitchy.

Do you know what inevitable means?

Women are perfectly entitled to feel uncomfortable with men but that's not what this thread was about. The thread was about the out and out misandry seen here all the time. Which no, I don't think is reasonable

Women are allowed to feel u countable but discuss why?

The hypocrisy is astounding. You believe it’s inevitable women will engage in bitchy and damaging behaviour. And that’s ok because it’s your personal experience. But pointing out that men pose a danger to women, are far more likely to physically harm or murder women, is misandrist. Despite many women believing good because of their personal experience and factual evidence.

You have posted really ignorant things about women. Including the inevitability of their poor behaviour if too many women are in one place. Yet most (not all) incidents of group violence are committed by men. As in riots? Football hooligans and so on. But women’s behaviour when they are in a group is bad. But doesn’t happen with men?

How can it be inevitable that women engage in one certain behaviour but not inevitable men would? Despite the facts showing you that men are far more likely to engage in behaviour damaging to women.

Men can cause women far more damage. Hence why women have to have schemes like ‘ask for Angela’ or are told don’t go on a date with a man you don’t know well without telling people where you are. Why do so many taxi company’s introduce tracking? Why is share my location so popular?

No one believes all women unproblematic. No one had said that.

Again, you don’t like being around women. That means you are uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable doesn’t mean you are intimated. It means you don’t like it.

You keep going on and on about how women as a group pretty awful. And men are better. And that it’s awful to for women to not like men in general. Whilst disliking women in general. It’s sexist.

You are going round in circles because your arguments hold no weight.

We get it. You don’t like women and you like men. Entirely you prerogative. As it’s women’s prerogative to have negative thoughts about men as a whole. No one needs for you to try and explain why they are wrong.

It’s simple facts. As a group men cause far more damage and pose a far higher risk to those around them. That’s not misandry. That’s the facts of the situation.

5128gap · 18/11/2024 21:39

BalletCat · 18/11/2024 21:15

I'm not going to trawl threads copying and pasting for you, no.

But an example would be the thread where a woman was upset that her husband had been contacted about CMS about a child he didn't know he had, which was also upsetting for him. The comments quickly devolved into calling him all sorts of disgusting things, a vile comment about sowing his oats and many comments claiming all men are lying cheating scumbags and her husband was clearly no different. It was unpleasant to read and no doubt upsetting for the OP as well as completely unhelpful.

I saw some on there suggesting the child's mother was a liar, with anecdotes about how women wrongly accuse men to get CMS from them. So presumably, given the comments on that particular thread are your chosen barometer, MN is also a mysogynist site?

Wednesdaysdrag · 18/11/2024 21:46

BalletCat · 18/11/2024 21:15

I'm not going to trawl threads copying and pasting for you, no.

But an example would be the thread where a woman was upset that her husband had been contacted about CMS about a child he didn't know he had, which was also upsetting for him. The comments quickly devolved into calling him all sorts of disgusting things, a vile comment about sowing his oats and many comments claiming all men are lying cheating scumbags and her husband was clearly no different. It was unpleasant to read and no doubt upsetting for the OP as well as completely unhelpful.

How is that misandry but saying ‘women will always be bitchy if they don’t have men to separate them’ not misogyny?

Those comments could be wrong. They could also be right. A de weight just enjoy goading the Op. some may genuinely believe that. Some may not even be women.

The Op is a grown woman. She asked strangers for their opinion. If she found it unhelpful then she could just not care. Why ask for strangers opinions if you aren’t prepared to accept that some people will automatically think the worst.

Who was it upsetting for? The Op? If she truly trusts her husband then it’s not upsetting. He won’t give shit.

in comparison look at the ‘your body, my choice trend’.

Women giving their personal opinion on a situation is nothing compared to thousands of posts on social media where men are in groups of hundreds talking about raping and beating women. Wanting to kill them.

For every woman who posts her opinion on MN and might be wrong about a man, there’s 10 elsewhere on the internet talking about Physically harming women.

Are you really suggesting it’s the same?

Thameslock · 18/11/2024 21:54

Wow! Didnt realise I would be so hated, misogynistic and violent just because I have a pair of bollocks!! Thankfully my wife and female colleagues think Im quite a nice guy…

5128gap · 18/11/2024 22:01

Thameslock · 18/11/2024 21:54

Wow! Didnt realise I would be so hated, misogynistic and violent just because I have a pair of bollocks!! Thankfully my wife and female colleagues think Im quite a nice guy…

Calm down dearie. No one knew you existed till you just popped up to announce yourself, so as you were.

SlightlyGoneOff · 18/11/2024 22:04

Thameslock · 18/11/2024 21:54

Wow! Didnt realise I would be so hated, misogynistic and violent just because I have a pair of bollocks!! Thankfully my wife and female colleagues think Im quite a nice guy…

Are you usually this melodramatic?

Thameslock · 18/11/2024 22:07

And there we go! sad to be so negative and cynical, but perhaps thats what you enjoy, Feel free to have the last word, it might make you feel good for once

Pixiedust1234 · 18/11/2024 22:13

Thameslock · 18/11/2024 21:54

Wow! Didnt realise I would be so hated, misogynistic and violent just because I have a pair of bollocks!! Thankfully my wife and female colleagues think Im quite a nice guy…

I doubt your wife and female colleagues would think any nice guys would presume to come into womens spaces to berate them for talking about their experiences or thoughts involving bad interactions with the opposition sex. Nice guys really don't do that but men who "think" they are, do.

BalletCat · 18/11/2024 22:45

Pixiedust1234 · 18/11/2024 22:13

I doubt your wife and female colleagues would think any nice guys would presume to come into womens spaces to berate them for talking about their experiences or thoughts involving bad interactions with the opposition sex. Nice guys really don't do that but men who "think" they are, do.

And yet this thread isn't about sharing experiences about bad interactions with the opposite sex.

It is about the amount of man hating on MN.

So well done for proving the point!

OPsSockpuppet · 18/11/2024 22:50

Thameslock · 18/11/2024 22:07

And there we go! sad to be so negative and cynical, but perhaps thats what you enjoy, Feel free to have the last word, it might make you feel good for once

Ok, who let this clown in?

SabreIsMyFave · 18/11/2024 22:51

5128gap · 18/11/2024 22:01

Calm down dearie. No one knew you existed till you just popped up to announce yourself, so as you were.

😂 His dummy nearly hit me in the eye! 👶🏼

Pixiedust1234 · 18/11/2024 22:52

And yet this thread isn't about sharing experiences about bad interactions with the opposite sex.

And yet some posters have.

I don't hate men as such, but I fucking hate it when they come into mainly women's spaces and cry victim wah wah wah.

SabreIsMyFave · 18/11/2024 22:52

OPsSockpuppet · 18/11/2024 22:50

Ok, who let this clown in?

🤡🎪

SabreIsMyFave · 18/11/2024 22:54

BalletCat · 18/11/2024 22:45

And yet this thread isn't about sharing experiences about bad interactions with the opposite sex.

It is about the amount of man hating on MN.

So well done for proving the point!

Maybe you should ask yourself WHY there is man-hating on Mumsnet... From some women. There's a reason for that! (Many reasons actually!)

Are you new here? 😕

OPsSockpuppet · 18/11/2024 22:54

Thameslock · 18/11/2024 21:54

Wow! Didnt realise I would be so hated, misogynistic and violent just because I have a pair of bollocks!! Thankfully my wife and female colleagues think Im quite a nice guy…

Just take your bollocks and be gone, sir. We’re talking about men not with them.

SabreIsMyFave · 18/11/2024 22:56

@Pixiedust1234

I don't hate men as such, but I fucking hate it when they come into mainly women's spaces and cry victim wah wah wah.

Yep - this in spades. ^

SabreIsMyFave · 18/11/2024 22:57

OPsSockpuppet · 18/11/2024 22:54

Just take your bollocks and be gone, sir. We’re talking about men not with them.

😂

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 18/11/2024 23:21

Are men not allowed to post on MN?!

Jumpingthruhoops · 19/11/2024 00:10

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 16/11/2024 23:41

@Hateam I'd absolutely respect it but wouldn't necessarily agree with it. I think we have to stand up to the blindly accepted subservience expected by men. Becoming a Mrs His Name is bowing down.

'Becoming Mrs His Name is bowing down'?

What utter nonsense! I couldn't wait to take my husband's name. Why? Because I had my mother's maiden name and, since she didn't raise me (my wonderful dad did!), I couldn't wait to get rid of it and swap it for a name that actually meant something and still does 30 years on.

Would you call that 'bowing down' or taking control of MY life!?

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 19/11/2024 00:13

I think some of you need to get the memo that MN, and this thread, is not a ‘women’s space’. And bitchy snarky comments directed towards people because they don’t bow down to your delusions of grandeur superiority just makes you look like a bit of a twat

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 19/11/2024 00:14

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 18/11/2024 23:21

Are men not allowed to post on MN?!

They are but some people come on to threads with what my DD would call “main character energy” and think they can dictate who posts and who the thread is for

Swipe left for the next trending thread