To stop using Mumsnet for a while because of the constant negative comments about men?

[listsandbudgets]

I've just posted a thread about my missing (now turned up) friend. So many posters assuming that her DP was violent, controlling etc. etc.

Someone else posted about their DP getting a letter from child maintenance about a child he'd never met - again people slagging him of for "sowing his oats" implying he'd been violent and god knows what.

That's just 2 examples. There are some horrible men out there of course there are but it makes me so sad to see this constant underlying misandry here on mumsnet. Men our are sons, brothers, partners and fathers and the very vast majority of them are decent people - flawed perhaps, made some mistakes perhaps but that does not make them violent controlling etc. etc. it makes them human.

Please stop it mumsnet. Certainly attribute blame where it's genuinely due but stop making these awful assumptions it's unhelpful and nasty.

Signing off will be back in a few weeks to see whether or not things have improved - doubt it sadly

Amazing 😂

I have to say, claiming “We don’t hate men” then practically wanking over the fact they’ve been rude to a male poster, isn’t exactly helping the cause 🤣

Some people are just desperate to be superior in their enlightenment.

Honestly you couldn't make it up.

How is anyone supposed to take people making childish comments calling men clowns and cry babies mockingly complete with wah wah wah seriously?

It's safe to say the point of this thread has been proven.

@Jumpingthruhoops That's a different story to the majority though I would imagine? I don't think that's why most women choose to change their title and surname upon marriage.
Did your husband change his surname/add on?
If you disliked your surname so much because of the valid reasons you give, why wait until marriage to change it?

Main character energy’

A bit like that male poster just now who nobody had heard of but seems to think this whole thread is a personal reflection of him? That kind of thing?

What others do is of no concern to me - but what I certainly didn't do was 'bow down'.
Why would my husband change his name? He's always liked it. And so have I. So stands to reason I would just take his.
And to answer your last question, we met young and always knew we would get married, so I decided I could live with my existing surname till then.

There are many bad men sadly, OP. You have been lucky to know mostly good ones. I was on your thread & I thought the assumptions were a bit much, but suspicion is understandable w the many men who do commit these crimes, who some posters clearly have experience of. Some get too jaded, optimism is best but tempered w healthy caution. I myself know good men & boys, sadly my father was v abusive & one of my uncles has been revealed to be covering up the other uncle's abuse of his daughter, so I am wary... My friends have also had nasty experiences being choked by pornsick boys. It's like poverty, you may not have experienced it or know anyone who does, so you don't see it, but it's still a big problem in the UK.
I read your thread & it must have been awful to have those comments it could be the husband when you were worried. I would have had suspicion bc of cases where that happened, but I wouldn't have voiced it, the best thing would be to advise to report missing, not insensitively stoke your fear.
Some people do apply double standards to say, sexless marriages, or other issues, or boys. Like w your friend's DH & the maintenance. There are many sensible people though who are nevertheless watt of men in general, while liking & trusting those they know are OK. We should try to keep am open mind, while protecting ourselves & sorting the bad ones out.

EvilElsa, I've met some horrible women & girls. The difference was their behaviour wasn't covert, they were horrible openly to people they didn't like. Otoh bc we're women, we see female nastiness among women & in wider society. Whereas we don't see male only environments in the raw, unless you want to go full Nora Vincent & investigate in disguise. Self Made Man is a good read.
The closest you can get is online forums like Pistonheads or Reddit or M3Cutters. Not always a pretty read... But ofc they're not exactly representative..

Ah come on now! I was being fairly light-hearted. He’s the one who brought up his bollocks.

Can you imagine the actual vitriol if a woman barged into a what was clearly a men’s discussion? Rape threats probably 🤷‍♀️

Yes, exactly 😂I genuinely couldn’t understand why @EvilsElsasPetSnowman posted a comment telling us off for being nasty women followed immediately by that comment that I absolutely assumed was a reprimand of the man and his ‘main character energy’! Turns out it was us who had the main character energy. Funny that. Not really borne out in real life (or even in kids’ tv FFS - token female character anyone?).

Ah well.

Thanks goodness there's women like you then, not only leaping to their defence, but telling them that women get sexual gratification from conflict with them. Because that's exactly the message they need to hear. Nice one.

We don’t hate ALL men. Some men, a lot of men, deserve to be called twats when they act like…. Twats. I think your man here was the one with ‘main character energy’.

I actually think having that bloke pop in and tell us all how great he is pretty much proves our point.

Swathes of women testifying to awful treatment at the hands of men; worldwide statistics affirming the above; Nigel utterly fails to read the room and is all angry that women aren’t celebrating his existence.

Isn’t one of the rules of misogyny that the worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad?

Yep, and the female defenders of such men being utterly predictable.

First rule of misogyny is women are responsible for what men do.

They do it deliberately. The ballet chap made an unsubstantiated accusation about misandry. What misandry? we say. Tumbleweed. So up pops another of them to deliberately provoke some 'rudeness'. "Thank you for proving our point!" they all bleat in chorus. What is interesting is that the 'rudeness' is their definition of misandry. Then they have the gall to present it as the equal opposite of misogyny.

That one example is supposed to show that out and out misandry is seen here all the time? Is that example even misandry?
Typical double standard. One instance of extreme shocking behaviour by a French men being used to show that men are horrible is justified, but one example to show how mners demonize men and that's put down.

Mners love to blame everyone but themselves for all of the problems in their lives. MIL, stepmum, exes, teachers, doctors, dogs, the government...and of course, the men in their lives and all those theyv never met.

The only groups that are never judge negatively are women posters who can never do anything wrong, or at least the common posters on AIBU.

The lack of self awareness and self responsibility on MN is quite scary. Of course forums are to moan about all when you wouldn't get away with it in RL, but the reinforcement that all the moaning is fully justified and everyone else is in the wrong is likely to end up doing more harm than good in RL.

Not only did he make the claim about misandry, but also stated that mumsnet is the most ‘sexist place’ he’s ever visited which was already a bizarre thing to say knowing there’s actual sub-Reddits that fantasise about rape and taking away rights for women.

Back on the topic of the OP - I see this ‘MM horrible about men’, ‘double standards’ crap constantly but I really don’t think that’s really true actually. For every single post about a shit husband or abusive man some women will be out in force to excuse away the behaviour or jump to the defence of men.

In fact I think all posters in general get a hard time but I can guarantee that even if a woman has been hauled through the coals, if the subject of the post is ‘man’ someone will pop up to shout shout ‘how awful MM are to men’.

I hadn’t actually read that post directly above mine before posting but that pretty much is a clear example of what I mean. ‘Double standards’, ‘women treated differently’ when actually each post is absolutely riddled by posters just like that who turn up to tell women off, regardless of the topic at hand.

I mean imagine reading this thread where women are sharing terrifying statistics of male violence to women and popping along to tell women not only are they never judged negatively (whilst themselves being a MN poster and judging women negatively) but telling posters that even discussing shit behaviour from
men is ‘doing more harm than good’ (to who, exactly?).

No, more like people who despite not starting the thread, take it in an entirely different direction and come to believe they have ownership of it and get uppity if someone dares to disagree with them.

See I find the opposite. Men are openly arseholes. Women can be very covert in their nastiness, I have found.
Different strokes for different folks I guess, we aren’t going to have all the same experiences.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rape threat on MN

It’s clearly not a women’s discussion. Some people have wanted to turn it that way but there’s no reason blokes can’t play

I think you need to ask your DD what ‘main character energy’ means (yes, than random male pop up was a very prime example of it).

I’m not defending anyone, I think this thread has got to the point where a few people, not the OP, have decided it’s “theirs” and heaven forbid anyone disagrees because then they’re menz defenders 🙄 it’s not really giving credence to the “only men are awful” narrative

I would argue that even the attempt to compare those 2 things is misogyny. Those things should not even be part of the same debate. Men and women are mean on the internet, only men rape unconscious women.
Mumsnet is not unique sexist, men are uniquely rapey.