To stop using Mumsnet for a while because of the constant negative comments about men?

[listsandbudgets]

I've just posted a thread about my missing (now turned up) friend. So many posters assuming that her DP was violent, controlling etc. etc.

Someone else posted about their DP getting a letter from child maintenance about a child he'd never met - again people slagging him of for "sowing his oats" implying he'd been violent and god knows what.

That's just 2 examples. There are some horrible men out there of course there are but it makes me so sad to see this constant underlying misandry here on mumsnet. Men our are sons, brothers, partners and fathers and the very vast majority of them are decent people - flawed perhaps, made some mistakes perhaps but that does not make them violent controlling etc. etc. it makes them human.

Please stop it mumsnet. Certainly attribute blame where it's genuinely due but stop making these awful assumptions it's unhelpful and nasty.

Signing off will be back in a few weeks to see whether or not things have improved - doubt it sadly

@listsandbudgets
I'm glad that your friend is home. It's also great that you haven't been in a situation with men that makes you question them. The majority of men aren't good.

People are speaking from personal experience and aren't just giving a baseless opinion in most cases.

Mumsnet can be a safe space for a lot of women and men who have been through horrific situations. It's the only place that some can ask for help or share their feelings, emotions and experiences. People can have a voice here when they can't share to family or friends in their life. This includes me.

You can leave or take a break for whatever reason you like but saying that you want or expect Mumsnet to change is unrealistic and unreasonable.

You aren't talking to children asking them to pick up their toys and for them all be put away when you get back.
It's an online forum and won't change if you say that you want take a break.

Because some people take women saying “enough is enough” as “Wow you’re so hateful”. Thats how much privilege men have. When we go “Excuse me can we be treated just a bit better” it’s “Wow you’re asking too much”.

No.

somebody asked “Is there a gathering of women who would do something similar?”

and then I replied “well there’s a bunch of women abusing their own children on the internet for perverts”

And the same person replied “That’s nowhere near comparable”

So I was explaining why it’s comparable.
For some fucking context.

but if you don’t give a shit about it either way that’s cool too. You don’t have to pipe up

You said

Being melodramatic and using words like “violence” is not how I parent.

you don’t use the word violence as part of your parenting.

I didn’t claiming you were trying to ban other people using it. But you do keep insisting it’s not the correct word. It is for what people are talking about. It’s just a not word you use.

I wouldn’t use it in that situation.

It’s really bloody odd you’re telling me how I parent…you’re kind of embarrassing yourself.

I didn’t claiming you were trying to ban other people using it.

I didn’t say you did

But you do keep insisting it’s not the correct word. It is for what people are talking about. It’s just a not word you use.

Its not. A 5yo playing and barging is not violence. You crack on investing fear into your kids and infantilising girls, I’ll do my parenting my way thanks.

If the vast majority were good you wouldn’t see women talking about them. Violence on women wouldn’t be declared a national emergency. I’d be able to walk in the evening without having to hide and dress like a boy so men in cars don’t scream at me when I refuse to interact.

So it seems to me that the way you get women to stop talking is by making men behave less like animals 🤷‍♀️

Well please go away and don’t bother coming back then. This is one of the stupidest reasons for an OP sloping off that I have yet seen. You must have led an extraordinary sheltered and lucky life or be a larping handmaid.

I see a lot of positive comments about certain men, posters DHs, sons and the like.

Yes, most women’s lives are blighted by horrible men at some point. I am happily married to a man now. But have been on the receiving end of DV as a child and a younger woman, been assaulted as an adult, been the subject of cat calling, threats, groping, nasty sexist men at work - the list goes on. My daughters have it little better.

No, not enough negative comments in my opinion!!

On a recent visit to the UK I really shocked at the level of poverty and degradation that I saw there but I had no idea women have to hide and wear mens clothes there?! The UK clearly needs a serious shake up. I go running in tight fitting running clothes most evenings and have never, once had anyone screaming me or men acting in any kind of inappropriate way. It's sad that women in the UK have to live like that. I wonder how it has gotten to that stage that women have to dress like men or has that always been that way?

Where abouts do you live??British women don’t “have to” wear men’s clothes

Tbf I’ve only experienced it this bad in the area I’m in now, which ironically is wealthy and very conservative. It’s really shocking here. I also walk in the evenings because I enjoy the peace so I would see this a lot more. Women curfew themselves here, not one after dark (except my stupid arse)

I have been followed by men in cars, screamed at for not responding to them when they pull their window down. Many other things and it’s happened so many times I decided to start dressing like a boy and hiding under a big hoodie. It helps (some men will even comment when they realise, like they’re butthurt over my trick 😂 the entitlement is insane)

Women in the uk have to hide and wear men's clothes? erm. are you quite sure? Whereabouts did you visit? What did you see or hear that led you to believe women are hiding in men's clothes as opposed to, for example, wearing women's trousers? Which women do. A lot. Because they're warm and comfy.

Did someone tell you they hide and wear men's clothes? are you sure they weren't lying to you?

I was just taking that posters post as the truth, are you saying that it isn't? I'd never heard of such a thing before so found it quite horrifying to be honest as it isn't something that is on my radar at all. Im about to leave the house to walk the dogs and know that apart from a few people(men and women) saying hi, I won't have any interaction with men at all. The thought of having to hide or dress like a boy to avoid being screamed at is really that isn't on my radar. Although that poster never said that she was in the UK, I just assumed so maybe she lives somewhere else.

The poster I quoted said it.

Where abouts do you live?

Id just be amazed there’s a country in the world where men aren’t a problem for women

I think Moth lives in Ireland.

This “Gosh isn’t the uk so awful I am so safe where I am” is surprising considering the following:

In Ireland, 1 in 3 women have experienced psychological violence from a partner at some point in their lives and 1 in 6 have experienced physical or sexual violence by a partner since the age of 15. 1 in 4 Irish women have experienced physical or sexual violence by a partner or non-partner since the age of 15.
source: Safe Ireland

I'm sorry that you are experiencing that. It sounds really awful. I can't imagine experiencing anything like that, the only thing that happens here when someone rolls down the window is people looking for directions. It would never even occur to me that they would be looking for anything else. Im glad you have found a solution of sorts even though you really shouldn't have to.

Please don’t imply VAWG isn’t a thing in Ireland. The stats are absolutely shocking

Besides do you REALLY believe that..:that no one has ever been catcalled in Ireland?

I was talking about one specific thing, men screaming at women in the street to the point someone feels that they have to dress up as a boy to avoid it. There is no need to get all defensive.

I was talking about one specific thing, men screaming at women in the street to the point someone feels that they have to dress up as a boy to avoid it. There is no need to get all defensive.

That would be me. And no, I’m not lying. If I go out for my evening walk and hide the fact that I’m female, I’m much safer.

And with respect it’s conplete nonsense to say that’s never happened in Ireland

I went to Dublin for a hen do about 6 years ago and We had to leap into a random pub because a bunch of men were following us down side streets and shouting at us to stay still and they were scaring us.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't know what you want me say? I have never in my almost 40 years here experienced men screaming at me from cars. I have never felt the need to hide that I am a woman. Don't you find that posters reality in the UK shocking too? Surely it is the fact that it is happening that you should be outraged about, not me saying that here I have never experienced a man scream at me from a car, never had to dress like a boy to avoid unwanted attention and find it appalling that some women in the UK do?

Because it's a flounce??

Thank you for this. It’s become very bad in certain places. Bad enough for women to curfew themselves instinctively.

I wouldn’t of expected it in this area but it’s the worst place I’ve ever lived for harassment (central city is much safer)

I feel many of us just accept it as the way it is. I will probably be told to curfew myself but nope. Hence the boy clothes 😆 maybe the idea helps another woman!

To sum up the vibe of this place…I was power walking the other day in a field (don’t judge me, I’m weird) and because a man was approaching me I changed direction. I had headphones in but all I could hear was him screaming and swearing at me because I refused to play his game. That sums up my experience from men here,

I’m relieved to hear its not nationwide. I’ve often thought it was because the area is ultra Tory because I’ve never lived somewhere this mad.