I want to leave DP for the person he has allowed his DD to become

[Sillias]

Morning all,
So DP and I have been together for 10 years. He has a 22 year old daughter, her mother passed away 14 years ago.
Between the sale of her mothers business 14 years ago and more recently DP selling his and returning to regular work she had a 7 figure trustfund on turning 18.
She’s a smart kid, studied law etc. This year she graduated, bought a flat (still left the trust fund in 7 figures) and took on part time work which pays basically nothing. It’s fine though as she gets money out the trust fund every month. She only works as DP found her the job more or less.
She’s started dating a guy who’s 6 years older than her, he earns well. They’ve been dating for 7 months and he pays for her to have a monthly pamper weekend, takes her to ridiculous expensive restaurants.
DP also spoils her, he paid for tickets for several F1 races this year each time costing thousands, bought her a £2000 dress for her birthday. The flat it’s self was paid for from
the trust fund but all the decor/furnishing DP has paid for himself.

Now I’m frustrated. It’s not my money I get that, but she’s such a smart girl and it’s all going to waste for what? She’s turning into a bit of a princess and she’s so out of touch from the world. It’s making me really judge DP. When she was young he was hard on her, and it worked. She got 3 A* and an A on her A-levels, she graduated with a first class honours and she’s very intelligent and now he’s letting her spend her days doing nothing and being a spoiled princess.

WIBU to leave him over this? I just can’t stand it so much and it makes me look at him differently.

Would you still work if you had access to enough money that you didn’t have to? I know I wouldn’t.

She’s an adult, with money of her own and a partner. Her dad no longer “lets” her do anything, she isn’t property. It sounds as though he raised her well: she’s a smart, intelligent young woman who did well academically. That she’s since chosen to make life choices which you don’t like is her prerogative, not her dad’s “failing.”

You should leave him. It sounds like he would benefit from it, if these are your issues.

I have never experienced money. Grew up on benefits, currently on benefits (working hard to come off).

This is her normal, it’s the hand she’s been dealt. She is who she is and I think you should work on accepting that instead of taking your resentment out on your relationship.

Are you jealous ?

Didn't you post about this ages ago and basically got told that everyone feels sorry for her losing her mum and ifs none of your business how your husband treats his daughter?

Because of so, you are seriously messed up to come back and start another batching thread about them both and you should be ashamed of yourself.

I dont understand why you resent what she's doing. Wouldn't most people live a luxury life if they were extremely comfortable financially like she is? They can afford it, what's the issue?

I have loads of life insurances, if I died now the children would be left with enough to not have to work.

Sure I would like them to take on fulfilling jobs that made a difference - but ultimate if they decided to spend that enjoying their lives, I don't think that's really any morally worse than working an office job for the sake of capitalism

I think it's lovely she has a dad who spoils her.

The fact you've mentioned her boyfriend treating her too makes me think this is more about you being bitter.

YABU

I thought this too, seem to remember it.

If you want to leave him then do so but don't use his daughter as an excuse.I don't think she has done anything wrong. If you want to help steer her in life then leaving isn't the way. Spending time with her and growing your relationship is. I would try and work out why you feel uncomfortable with the way she's getting treated by the men in her life. Maybe there are valid concerns and if so talk to your partner. How does he treat you?

I am extremely confused as to why you are taking umbridge, unless the emotion you are feeling is simply unbridled jealousy?

How does any of this impact on your life? If the conspicuous consumption is something you don't like, then yes perhaps the lifestyle your partner is facilitating for his daughter isn't in line with your own, so perhaps you're not aligned in values? But seriously consider what specifically is getting your back up - because on the face of it they are each their own person, and are adults, so there isn't really a reason for you to intercede as far as I can see?

Blimey she appears to be living the dream but it comes at the expense of losing her mum.
Which option would you choose op?

You've posted this before.

Get a grip. He’s trying his best for a girl who lost her Mum as a child. Jealousy can consume you.

YANBU at all. I am actively encouraging you to leave him as your jealousy/judgement/resentment will ruin the relationship anyway.

BTW - her education is not being wasted. Learning is not only to prepare you to become a workhorse, but to acquire knowledge that shapes you into a competent and confident individual who can express yourself well...

She's living her life on her terms and sounds like she'll land firmly on her feet anyway.

You are extremely jealous of a young, successful woman who has had a great deal of luck. I am assuming that your own lifestyle with your partner isn’t exactly on the poverty line, so unless you can snap away from this green eyed monster that has taken you over, you need to consider your life now, and your life on your own and see which you prefer. Only you can sort YOUR issues out. At some point your P might become aware of how awful you actually are, and then you won’t get the choice, it might be his!

Does your DP not treat you, OP?

She works part time which is exactly what I'd do if I had enough money to make time to enjoy it! What do you want her to do? How she uses her qualifications isn't your business. I think it would be a poor reason to break up unless there are other reasons

You sound incredibly jealous.

She lost her mum at 8yrs old! We have generous life insurance so our kids would be okay financially if one of us died. This is why “evil stepmothers” have that reputation. Mind your own business!

I'd rather be going to F1 races and living a life of luxury than working 9-5 5 days a week, I don't blame her!

She's worked hard, she lost her mum young, as long as she's a kind person what does it matter what she does?

22 year old me would be 'lazy princess, she's a disgrace'

53 year old me, after decades in the work place, is 'good on her. She has enough money to not participate in this hellshow that we call capitalism. I hope she enjoys every second of it.'

Your tone and language lead me to believe that you are projecting. What was your own childhood/adolescence like?

You want to leave your DP over his relationship with his adult daughter. She's 22, there is no 'lets' about it. What else is bothering you within the relationship? Are you happy in your life and work?

Her life sounds fabulous and you sound jealous.