I want to leave DP for the person he has allowed his DD to become

[Sillias]

Morning all,
So DP and I have been together for 10 years. He has a 22 year old daughter, her mother passed away 14 years ago.
Between the sale of her mothers business 14 years ago and more recently DP selling his and returning to regular work she had a 7 figure trustfund on turning 18.
She’s a smart kid, studied law etc. This year she graduated, bought a flat (still left the trust fund in 7 figures) and took on part time work which pays basically nothing. It’s fine though as she gets money out the trust fund every month. She only works as DP found her the job more or less.
She’s started dating a guy who’s 6 years older than her, he earns well. They’ve been dating for 7 months and he pays for her to have a monthly pamper weekend, takes her to ridiculous expensive restaurants.
DP also spoils her, he paid for tickets for several F1 races this year each time costing thousands, bought her a £2000 dress for her birthday. The flat it’s self was paid for from
the trust fund but all the decor/furnishing DP has paid for himself.

Now I’m frustrated. It’s not my money I get that, but she’s such a smart girl and it’s all going to waste for what? She’s turning into a bit of a princess and she’s so out of touch from the world. It’s making me really judge DP. When she was young he was hard on her, and it worked. She got 3 A* and an A on her A-levels, she graduated with a first class honours and she’s very intelligent and now he’s letting her spend her days doing nothing and being a spoiled princess.

WIBU to leave him over this? I just can’t stand it so much and it makes me look at him differently.

I think you'd be doing him a favour if you left. She lost her Mum at only 8 years old FFS!!! You sound very jealous and mean.

This.

I'm not seeing the problem with a young woman enjoying life.

I'm guessing your not getting pamper weekends from him OP?

You should ask about his will as guaranteed you won't be getting anything. Also sort your home so your half goes where you want it.

You sound extremely jealous. This girls money has nothing to do with you, you can’t judge how it’s spent. The girl has no mother. Good on her for studying and doing well in her degree etc.

And she's found a nice guy who's a few years older than her and who likes to treat her well. So what?! Good for her!

You want to leave him for raising a daughter who is intelligent, educated and works despite not needing too. And did all this after the loss of her mother at a young age which would have been very hard for anyone to deal with. A father who wanted to ensure his daughter was well provided for and set her up in her first home.
I think you may be jealous and not realise it

It sounds like she's taking a breather having worked hard to do well in school exams and then university exams. She's not long graduated. Sounds okay to me.

She's an adult, she'll do what she wants no matter what her dad (or you) think.

Doesn't sound like she needs to work at all, yet still does. I wouldn't work if I had no rent/mortgage to pay and 7 figures sat in my bank account. Life is too short, good on her.

You don't have a DP problem, you have a jealousy problem. Leave him if you want, doubt it'll make you happier but who knows.

You'd be unreasonable to leave him because his recently graduated 22 year old daughter hasn't yet committed to what you consider to be a serious and profitable career choice.

You might not be unreasonable to leave him because after 10 years he isn't taking your concerns about her wellbeing seriously, or because he hasn't supported you in negotiating a functional relationship with her, or because he consistently fails you as his partner. I can't know.

Has there been any discussion? What would you like to happen?

Why should she work if she doesn't need to? Why wouldn't she be with someone who treats her well? Why would you begrudge your partner treating his daughter well?

You sound incredibly jealous.

She's very fortunate and her life sounds lovely. You sound jealous and bitter.

You've posted this exact same post before, even down to the pamper weekends. You were told then that it was none of your damn business

I can understand a sense of frustration around a young woman who is clearly very intelligent and is not using all that to forge ahead in her career. I do think that’s a shame in lots of ways.
However, I can also sense a young girl who has worked hard academically and aced school and Uni after such an awful loss.
The only question is - does any of this affect you financially? Are you going without anything in your own life so that this young woman benefits from such generosity? If it doesn’t affect you in any way, shape or form just be glad you have a generous DH.
Of course, as this young woman gets older it may be better for her to step up a bit. There was a thread on here recently about a woman being left with children, who had left Uni and never had a decent job, and she was left not knowing what to do.
Seven figure sums are lovely but they aren’t enough to live on forever if you throw money away.
However, life and all of its lessons are what this young woman will have to grapple with after being taught the worst one you could give to any young child.
There is not a designer dress in the world that could compensate for that.

What do you mean by 'allowed her to become'? A 22-year-old is a person in her own right.

She lost her mum at 8 - that will be a big part of this. Sounds like he just wants the best for her after such a traumatic life event for them both and it just hasn’t slowed as she got older. It will be something complex between them. If you’re not personally negatively affected by it, just let it be - turn a blind eye if you need to.

You're jealous and it's ugly.

Leaving your dh over how another adult has chosen to live their life is ridiculous.

Just leave if you want. Do everyone a favour.

She had her arse handed to her then too 🤣

Quite honestly, I think you're being ridiculous to consider leaving a partner of ten years over something that isn't your business, unless the money he spends on his daughter leaves the household short of money.

If his daughter can survive without doing a highly paid and stressful job, why on earth should she change her lifestyle unnecessarily? You really do sound very jealous of her lifestyle, but I bet if you gave her the choice of losing her mother at the age of eight and being financially secure for the rest of her life, or still having her mum and having the financial struggles that most people have, she would choose the latter in a heartbeat.

You’re being unreasonable if you don’t examine the fact you might be jealous? Do you wish he treated you like that? Or that you got a pamper weekend paid for you? No judgment because you’re totally allowed to feel like that… but reread your post and look at the things you’re upset or irritated about and ask yourself if it’s because you want that etc could he be treating you better and you feel resentful, especially now she has a partner who is also treating her well ( when it comes to spending money on her at least, maybe you feel it’s not fair or you feel resentment) again all fine and as long as you know and can work through it or address issues within ourself or with your partner etc - I’m only saying so that you don’t walk away from a relationship for reasons you might regret etc x

He would not be unreasonable to leave you because of your jealousy

You sound incredibly jealous.

Why not leave another adult woman to do what she chooses?

Some of the details in that thread were a bit different. The step-daughter was from France (I think), moved here, was working full-time whilst undertaking a degree apprenticeship and was a bit younger than the step-daughter in this thread. Oh, and the OP of that thread had a lazy-arse son she didn't want to have to work whilst at uni. 😀

Of course, this OP might have changed a few details. But I predict the responses will be similar.

Who would want to knock themselves flat slaving away at ANY age if they could afford to go part-time and have a lovely life? My concern would be what she'll do if she habituates to a certain lifestyle and then the relationship breaks down, her dad runs out of money, etc. But it sounds like she'd still have her trust fund so would just have to adapt (as would anyone with money when the well runs dry).

I'm not sure where you think he is falling down here.

@Sillias What do you want him to make her do?

(Can a father 'make' a well-qualified, rich 22 year old do anything?)

I wouldn't either, but if I was a straight A student like it's step-daughter maybe I could do something more interesting and maybe I'd do that part time.

Once she does not have a sense of entitlement attitude let her enjoy it however I would get your partner to encourage her to work more and keep her trust fund as a reserve. If