I want to leave DP for the person he has allowed his DD to become

[Sillias]

Morning all,
So DP and I have been together for 10 years. He has a 22 year old daughter, her mother passed away 14 years ago.
Between the sale of her mothers business 14 years ago and more recently DP selling his and returning to regular work she had a 7 figure trustfund on turning 18.
She’s a smart kid, studied law etc. This year she graduated, bought a flat (still left the trust fund in 7 figures) and took on part time work which pays basically nothing. It’s fine though as she gets money out the trust fund every month. She only works as DP found her the job more or less.
She’s started dating a guy who’s 6 years older than her, he earns well. They’ve been dating for 7 months and he pays for her to have a monthly pamper weekend, takes her to ridiculous expensive restaurants.
DP also spoils her, he paid for tickets for several F1 races this year each time costing thousands, bought her a £2000 dress for her birthday. The flat it’s self was paid for from
the trust fund but all the decor/furnishing DP has paid for himself.

Now I’m frustrated. It’s not my money I get that, but she’s such a smart girl and it’s all going to waste for what? She’s turning into a bit of a princess and she’s so out of touch from the world. It’s making me really judge DP. When she was young he was hard on her, and it worked. She got 3 A* and an A on her A-levels, she graduated with a first class honours and she’s very intelligent and now he’s letting her spend her days doing nothing and being a spoiled princess.

WIBU to leave him over this? I just can’t stand it so much and it makes me look at him differently.

I don’t blame you for being jealous. Heck, I’m jealous of her, and that’s just from reading your post. But I don’t think she’s the reason you want to leave your partner. It sounds to me like you’ve lost respect for him, would that be fair to say?

Sounds like the envy/jealousy head is raising itself. As you said it isn't your money. A lot of Dads cut and run you should feel proud that your partner didn't. If you don't love him then walk away and stop using his DD as an excuse.

On OP’s last thread, and it reads very much like the same OP, it was a finance degree.

Anyway, she can afford to have passion for working when she’s used up her passion for having a break after university. Or maybe she’ll find another passion.

Can you imagine your mother dying when you are only eight.
Your Dad meets someone else when you are 12, full of hormones and going through puberty.
You are intelligent and study hard. You do well for yourself. Your Dad cares for you so much and still tries to make up for the loss of your beloved Mum, as well as the guilt he maybe feels about meeting someone else. You work in a job you enjoy instead of grinding to make ends meet but it will never make up for the loss of your Mum. You would give it all up for one last cuddle.
The woman he has met has nothing but resentment for you. She is actually jealous of the love your Dad has for you. She is jealous that he spends some of his money on you - his own daughter- instead of her.

Sweetheart you are like a Disney wicked stepmother and if I was the deceased mother I would come back and haunt your selfish ass.

According to the last thread, the daughter has funds available to her that aren’t available to OP and her sons. For example, he trusts his daughter to have access to his credit cards (which she does pay back, unless he tells her not to), something he doesn’t trust OP with. She has separate finances to her partner, and although he’s housing them all and paying the vast majority of the bills, she’s resentful of the fact that the daughter has a life neither she nor her sons have had or can have. It’s pure jealousy.

I wouldn't bloody work if I had a 7 figure trust fund. YABU.

It’s interesting that you think one person can control who another person becomes. If I was him, I’d probably rethink who you are in my life being so judgmental and envious of my child.

If you can’t let go of your jealousy and judgment and you’re resenting your partner - you should definitely leave. No one needs your misery.

How much does DP donate to worthwhile causes and charities, or are he and his daughter as crass as OP thinks they are?

Ah, now I do think that’s something that would bother me if I thought this guy was my
life partner - sound like he sees his daughter as his true family, and OP is just his current side piece with a generous allowance but no true access to his money.

I wouldn’t really be ok with that if I wanted a long term relationship - it sounds like he views OP as much more disposable. It wouldn’t be the money itself, but what it says about how he views our relationship and him being on a totally different page to me.

She would rather have her mum around. Life is short and she has experienced that.

you sound jealous

Why should she have true access to his money? His wealth was built before he met OP, and a lot of what his daughter has is what was left to her by her mother. It isn’t at all unusual for couples in second relationships/marriages to not be ‘all in’ financially.

Op agreed to separate finances, it’s not like she was unaware of what the financial set up would be when she chose to go ahead. That said, she and hers sons have financially benefited as a result of the relationship.

While he does pay towards her sons it isn’t on him to assume responsibility for them, or her. Does he see her as disposable? Or does Op see him as a wallet that isn’t paying out like she wants it to ?

to be honest i hate to say it about myself, but i agree if i could retire now i would, as i want to focus on my own personal development rather than the daily grind especially after how management pickled us workers.

You are sooooo jealous. Leave him. He LL be better off without a bitter lady nx to him. I was raised similar, I did even an MBA worked for 15 years and stopped, my partner had to be in the same level . If you are uncomfortable finding someone different, he sounds great and his kid too. Now you. Not so much

The OP clearly didn't get the answer they wanted so hasn't come back!

Clearly a huge jealousy issue.

Sounds like the dad did a great job raising her!

How is it all going to waste?

Does he see her as disposable? Or does Op see him as a wallet that isn’t paying out like she wants it to ?

Who knows, but it’s ok for OP to decide the current arrangement isn’t working for her any more and walk away. Doesn’t mean either of them are doing anything wrong, just not on the same page.

I remember that too! Strikingly similar if not the same person

Fckn hell @Sillias please leave this nice family and find someone more like you.. your post is horrible.. she isn't hurting you or anyone, she's 22 , no mum and a dad who adores her, we get different hands in life can't you be happy for her? Shocking

She sounds fine. You sound jealous.
What's really bugging you?

I’d leave him if I were you, save him from your apparent jealousy and judgement.
I don’t understand this whole “X is “clever” so should therefore do particular things with it” point of view. My older brother is far more naturally bright/book clever and has settled nicely into what many would describe as a middle of the road job and is very happy. Why should he have to do anything else?!

Yes, just because you are clever, doesn't mean you are going to be engaged and ambitious in the corporate world. I also find it hard to believe that anyone would want to be a corporate lawyer full time if you get significant passive income from a trust fund. Also she is only 22. So she may just want to do something else soon.

What is DP and DD? I followed this from Bored Panda and there was no definition there either!

DP - dear partner
DD - dear daughter
DS - dear son
AIBU - am I being unreasonable

And all of this makes her a bad person, because ... ??

You're jealous.