Out of all the relationships you’ve been in, what’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

[ZanyWriter]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I’ve learned from past relationships - both good and bad. Each one seems to teach us something new about ourselves, boundaries, what we want (and don’t want), and how we navigate relationships in general.

I’m interested in whether anyone else feels the same. Out of all your relationships - romantic or otherwise - what’s the most valuable lesson you’ve taken away? Was it something unexpected, or maybe a hard truth you didn’t realise at the time?

Would love to hear everyone’s experiences and thoughts. AIBU to think we can often learn more from past relationships than we realise?

Don't stay with someone with a victim mentality. Eventually they'll be telling people how aweful you are.
Don't stay with someone who has a lot of life events that they need support with. When they're back on their feet you'll be surplus to requirements
Don't stay with someone who doesn't prioritise your needs & wants. It should be a 2 way street
Remember that if your relationship doesn't bring you joy, get out.

Wish I'd learnt the above sooner, but of course at the beginning people are on their best behavior.
Happily single now with my cat & my amazing friends 😊

The wrong man teaches you can do it all by yourself. The right man knows you can but won't let you

If you find yourself always tiptoeing around someone trying not to upset them, get out.

It's sadly taken me FAR too many relationships, both romantic and friends, where I've put up with nonsense and tried to change myself to what they want so as not to upset them.

It doesn't work and only ever delayed the inevitable fall out.

That someone who doesn't prioritise you is not for you and that when you walk away from this it's the most liberating and positive thing you'll ever do for yourself.

That being single is SO much easier and enjoyable!

The number of people in relationships who have said to me, "I wish I was you!" never fails to amaze me.

Got my children, got my cats, don't need anything else.

My advice now that I am older and wiser:
If you're constantly unhappy - get out.
Don't put up with disrespect, in any form.
If numerous other people don't like your partner - listen to them and their reasons, they have no emotional connection to the partner, can see things from a different point of view and only want what is best for you.
If your partner is male, find out about their relationship with their mother (current and also growing up)- in my experience this can be a good indicator of how they will treat you or at least will give you an idea of some of their belief systems. However I know the two don't ALWAYS go hand in hand - I had one partner who idolised his (deceased) mum but was quite happy to push me about. But on the whole I've found you can tell a lot from this relationship.

Life is for enjoying so don't put up with something that makes you unhappy.

Ultimately it doesn't matter why they are like they are, it matters if you can live with how they are quite happily for the long term. Don't waste time asking agony aunt Google if they're selfish due to some MH issue or upbringing, the answer may or may not give reasons, but that doesn't mean you have to martyr your one life to support them in their difficult (for you) behaviours.
Look at how many people currently facilitate their life - eg/ parents reminding them of appointments or running them about. Do you want all those jobs to make another adult's life run smoothly without their own effort?

Don’t stand for any shit, not from anyone.

To not lose your own identity…

The biggest lesson I've learned is that I'm not cut out to be in a relationship. I do way too much compromising and always lose myself. It's better that I stay single.

Don't let a man move in too quickly. Put your foot down, if they whine about wanting to live together, get rid. I spelt out my boundaries early in my relationships and they accepted we weren't going to live together any time soon.

That it's really, really important to be honest when you're not coping.

My last taught me all about narcissistic personality. An overused term but a very real thing- a lesson hard earned. The one prior to that had alcohol issues and my advice would be to cut and run - 'Alcoholics don't have relationships. They take hostages.' I spent too long on that one and regret it.
I have also in my time weeded out anyone who was in any way rude to a waitress or a shop assistant.

Be careful of future trauma. Be very protective of your heart and who you give it to as they maybe reckless and careless with it.
Treat it like you have about a 100k on you.

@imSatanhonest this "If your partner is male, find out about their relationship with their mother (current and also growing up)- in my experience this can be a good indicator of how they will treat you or at least will give you an idea of some of their belief systems. However I know the two don't ALWAYS go hand in hand - I had one partner who idolised his (deceased) mum but was quite happy to push me about. But on the whole I've found you can tell a lot from this relationship."

This is interesting. But misleading too, for me anyway.

My stbex adored his mother. I really thought this was a good sign until after we had married.

He always put her preferences first. She was a sahm and when I started back at work after having my children, he really discouraged it. He preferred me to be a sahm and now I realise it was because he was then in control. Made it difficult for me and told me I was useless, wouldn't be good at anything etc. It was really hard.

Eventually, he assaulted me and I discovered a lot of adultery and that he had squandered all the family money whilst refusing to let me have any insights into our financial affairs.

I am livid with myself but then I remember abusive relationships are just awful and they can really damage you and affect your outlook long term.

So at the first sign of any poor behaviour, get out. It's really really not worth any great love story because it never ends well.

Never trust men. Don’t touch another one with a bargepole. They are selfish twats who only pretend love to get sex and being looked after.
What they really want is a mum they can shag. Some are better at disguising this than others.

You can’t change someone’s behaviour but you can change your reaction to it

kindness is underrated

Men are dicks.

If you are a woman in a relationship with a man; never let him come round. Only ever go to his house. Let him cook for you. If his house is dirty, finish the relationship (obviously don't go to his house and end up cleaning it...)
Definitely never let him move in.
The very minute a man has his feet under your table you will morph from a sexy, interesting and content woman to a resentful nag.

You can't polish a turd.