Out of all the relationships you’ve been in, what’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

[ZanyWriter]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I’ve learned from past relationships - both good and bad. Each one seems to teach us something new about ourselves, boundaries, what we want (and don’t want), and how we navigate relationships in general.

I’m interested in whether anyone else feels the same. Out of all your relationships - romantic or otherwise - what’s the most valuable lesson you’ve taken away? Was it something unexpected, or maybe a hard truth you didn’t realise at the time?

Would love to hear everyone’s experiences and thoughts. AIBU to think we can often learn more from past relationships than we realise?

If they tell you one lie, they'll tell you many.

They put themselves first, didn’t want to properly share parenting and domestic work or make any changes at work, and consistently got angry when I became angry or sought changes. IMO many fathers seem to be like this and many mothers ‘suck it up’.

I've learned that I make a great friend and a rotten partner. I'm basically too selfish and my ADHD makes me scatty and a lateral thinker, so I'm not great at being relied upon.

As a friend I am loyal and good company, I've got friends I've had for donkey's years. As a partner I make a better friend.

Am now very happily single.

Love it. Couldn't agree more

If you wouldn't be proud if your son turned out like them, don't go there! Conversely, if you would be so proud if your son turned out like him, marry him!

Yes, exactly the same for me.

Friendships are supposed to be fun and life-enhancing, they are not relationships.

A relationship is only worth it if they love and adore you and you them beyond pretty much anything else. Someone worthy of that is a once-in-a-lifetime person; anything else drains your energy. Twice in a lifetime would be super-lucky.

You can't change people.

I think it's not to "settle" I stayed with my ex for far too long because he was there and I figured he was as good as I would get. I was wrong.

You can't polish a turd.

Stay single. Life is easier and happier when you don't have to compromise on your values and beliefs.

You can try but it doesn’t make it any less shitty

I learned that no matter how long you've been married (26 years in my case) and no matter how happy you are or how lovely your DH is, he is still capable of cheating. I always thought it just happened to other women and that there was probably a reason, but I was wrong. Turns out even the nice guys ultimately think with their dicks if the opportunity presents itself.

@coodawoodashooda you can't polish a turd but as a friend of mine says you can roll it in glitter😁
I always say on here don't pay attention to their words, look at their actions. It's amazing how many posts on here say he say this, that and the other but their actions are a clear guide to how they really feel. I dated a complete cocklodger when I was young, he had an excuse for everything but he never made an attempt at getting a job- meeting his Father was an education- turned out he owed people money all over.

Not to settle

Love should be given, not begged for. As soon as you find yourself having to ask for it, walk away.

and by this I don’t mean anything to do with sex, just general love. My ex made me work so hard for his affection - I won’t ever let another man put me in that position.

That passion and drama are not the same thing. Despite what TV told you passion and real love does not need a load of drama and over coming obstacles to be passionate.

That if a friend has treated you badly, and you think you need ‘closure’ - their treatment of you was the closure. They showed you who they were. That’s it.

ALWAYS work, always earn a wage. Absolutely imperative.

Look for the intention. If someone does something that you’re upset by but their intention was genuinely good, take that into account.

I’ve learnt about narcissism. Yes, it’s an overused word and often used to describe anyone who behaves badly. But I’ve learnt about real narcissism. And to trust nobody completely. Not even family.

Heartbreaking.

I don't see how you can have a healthy relationship without trust.

If they don't make an effort with your friends or family then get rid! My ex expected me to see his family weekly and go out with his friends, but rarely saw my family and if he came out with my friends he would start arguments.

Of course we learn from relationships. I'm <<only>> 20 so, although I've had many "boyfriends", I wouldn't say I've had many "relationships" proper, but I've learnt one thing for sure: boys boast (and no I don't just mean in THAT way!).

That I was relying on being in a relationship to make me happy. I was never single, I jumped from LTR to LTR because I didn't know how to be single and content