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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh has walked off and left me alone at 1am in the street. 2 miles from home

587 replies

Boopadoop90 · 16/11/2024 00:59

Just that really. We were out with friends, going back to theirs. Dh refused to back to theirs but I don't know why. The others left in a cab. I couldn't leave dh alone in the pub. I I said I'm going home. He said OK. Followed me out in a fit and angry, cos he felt obliged to follow me. He's walked home. I'm 2 miles away from homre and sitting in the cold shivering
He messaged me to ask if I got an uber home. I said no, he said good we've spent £x on uber tonight.

He's walked home and I'm sitting on the kerb, 2 miles away in the dark, cold.

OP posts:
Aria999 · 16/11/2024 02:18

Boopadoop90 · 16/11/2024 01:57

How could dh walk off knowing he had left me late at night? Then go home and fall asleep ?

You're not a child. Though you are behaving like one .

Why is it his responsibility to talk you into going home?

How would you feel if he was doing this to you?

MrPickles0001 · 16/11/2024 02:19

Pickandmixmood · 16/11/2024 02:18

I’m concerned about the OP, I can understand why she is upset that her husband doesn’t seem to care that she is out alone in the middle of the night.
Please get yourself home OP as you will regret it if you get attacked

he followed her wishes surley thats caring in respecting her wishes ?

Bobbie12345 · 16/11/2024 02:19

You can be proud of yourself tomorrow for one thing. You have achieved the unachievable .
I never thought I would see universal support of a husband’s actions vs his wife on Mumsnet.
That is going to hurt when you realise just how badly you played your hand this evening.

SocksAndTheCity · 16/11/2024 02:21

Which is that film where an adult and a baby swap minds after some cosmic event? This must be what happens if the baby gets shitfaced.

Pickandmixmood · 16/11/2024 02:22

Bobbie12345 · 16/11/2024 02:19

You can be proud of yourself tomorrow for one thing. You have achieved the unachievable .
I never thought I would see universal support of a husband’s actions vs his wife on Mumsnet.
That is going to hurt when you realise just how badly you played your hand this evening.

Not universal support of a husbands actions. I think he shouldn’t have left her alone at that time of night.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/11/2024 02:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This post is more real than the OP's.

MrPickles0001 · 16/11/2024 02:23

Pickandmixmood · 16/11/2024 02:22

Not universal support of a husbands actions. I think he shouldn’t have left her alone at that time of night.

so instead he should of disrespected her and ignored her requests ?

MatLeave · 16/11/2024 02:24

Please get a cab to a place of safety. If you can't get one, call a friend or relative, don't sleep on the kerb.

LoneStar7 · 16/11/2024 02:24

I dunno. My husband wouldn’t have left me. But the OP is being a big baby and is going to feel like an idiot in the morning.

OrcBytes · 16/11/2024 02:24

OP what an earth are you doing? It is not safe to sleep on the kerb alone in winter and doing this to make a point and wallow that he doesn't care isn't going to help you.

Get your arse up and in an Uber. Who cares about the money? Just do it. At this point I don't know how your survival instincts aren't kicking in. It doesn't really matter right now what he's done. You need to look after yourself and get home then deal with it tomorrow. Or are you thinking that if something bad happens to you it'll teach him a lesson? Teaching someone a lesson is much more satisfying if you live to tell the tale.

I am actually quite concerned about the state of your mental health. How can making a man regret leaving you there be more important than your actual safety? Leave him over this if it's that bad but sleeping on the kerb just repeating that he left you is absolute insanity and your very obvious vulnerability is going to attract bad people. Get up and go either home or to stay with your friends.

mjf981 · 16/11/2024 02:27

But... you left him in the pub alone. So you were fine to get home yourself at the point you left the pub.
Why the sulk now? Just get yourself home.

Waynettaaa · 16/11/2024 02:29

I get that you don't want to go home, but it isn't safe on the kerbside.

If you're definitely not going home, you could get a taxi to a hotel or a friends and turn off the tracking so "D"H doesn't know where you are. That way you will be safe, but it might make you feel better to let him sweat a bit. I wouldn't let it get to the point where he'd be too concerned and contact the police, to waste their time though.

Stay safe, OP

SidhuVicious · 16/11/2024 02:29

Time to kerb your emotions and start walking, OP.

Dreamingofgreentrees · 16/11/2024 02:30

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/11/2024 02:01

Because you are a massive PITA demanding drama queen?

You are a grown woman, married to a man who is utterly sick of your "ME ME ME" dramatics. Dont blame him. I would have taken you at your word too.

Get yourself home and spend time doing some self reflection. Maybe not "how could he " but "WHY would he...."... Think about it.

What a lot of shit. Ignore this post. I’d put money on it your H is selfish, self centred and some sort of man child. No decent man would ever leave the woman they live in a vulnerable situation even if she was being difficult. I imagine there has been other things that have led to this point. I hope you are ok.

LoneStar7 · 16/11/2024 02:30

Did you have an embarrassing big barney in front of your friends?

RhiWrites · 16/11/2024 02:30

It takes 40 minutes to walk two miles. You posted at midnight and updated at 1:40 to say you were still sitting there. Why? You could have been home in less than half the time. Get up, walk home.

LoneStar7 · 16/11/2024 02:31

Dreamingofgreentrees · 16/11/2024 02:30

What a lot of shit. Ignore this post. I’d put money on it your H is selfish, self centred and some sort of man child. No decent man would ever leave the woman they live in a vulnerable situation even if she was being difficult. I imagine there has been other things that have led to this point. I hope you are ok.

To be fair she’s an adult, not a toddler. What do you think people without husbands do when they go out?

olivechuu · 16/11/2024 02:32

Boopadoop90 · 16/11/2024 01:04

He was in a huff but don't know why. I said I'm going home, he v reluctantly followed me I said don't bother. He said he wanted to walk home alone. So I let him. I'm in the cold, shivering, a good 2 miles away

…so why didnt you go home when you said you were going to? What posessed you to sit on the ground two miles away from home like a petulant child?

NoisyDenimShaker · 16/11/2024 02:33

OP, I understand completely how maddening it is that your husband left you alone at night. My ex-husband was completely oblivious that I could ever be in any danger. It makes you feel under-valued and unseen, and there was something that was a unique turn-off about it. A man not doing one of the few basic things that we often depend on them for, like physical protection in some situations, just made him seem like a giant baby. None so blind that will not see. He refused to walk me home once too. You'd think men would know better after that terrible Sarah Everard case.

So I get it. I really do.

BUT. You really are in danger just hanging out on the cold and dark at this time of night. If there's a pervert around, you are ideal prey. Please, please think of yourself and get home or somewhere safe as soon as possible.

Hypothermia is also a real risk, and it creeps up on you.

Just because some oaf thinks you're not vulnerable, and thinks it's OK to leave you alone at night like this, doesn't mean he's right.

Please, please think of yourself and get a cab.

If you must make a point, go to a nearby hotel if possible.

Just get yourself off the streets. You are precious and important and are too valuable to be left alone in the dark, even if that oaf back home doesn't think so.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease get a cab!!

user1492757084 · 16/11/2024 02:33

You should have walked home also, even if behind him, orordered a cab to your home..
If you are a sober adult, you are responsible for getting yourself home safely. You said you were going home and for him to not bother accompanying you.
Why were you in a huff when DH didn't want to go to friends' home? Why couldn't you both leave the pub together at a time agreeable to the two of you.

You need to work on your communication.
Generally one NO means no, and two yeses means yes.

Fedupmumofadultsons · 16/11/2024 02:34

For goodness sake sober up and grow up why couldn't you have went with your friends him stay in pub unless you don't trust him .if this is true you will feel a real idiot in the morning honestly I assume married means adult act like one

HollyKnight · 16/11/2024 02:35

You're a drunk 51-year-old woman having a tantrum. Your husband won't feel guilty about you sitting on the curb all night because he'll be too annoyed at you trying to be manipulative. Go home.

Boobygravy · 16/11/2024 02:35

My dh would never have left me whatever I said or did.
Op is unreasonable but so is her dh.

Edingril · 16/11/2024 02:36

Dreamingofgreentrees · 16/11/2024 02:30

What a lot of shit. Ignore this post. I’d put money on it your H is selfish, self centred and some sort of man child. No decent man would ever leave the woman they live in a vulnerable situation even if she was being difficult. I imagine there has been other things that have led to this point. I hope you are ok.

This is utterly ridiculous the op is an adult responsible for herself

Anotherparkingthread · 16/11/2024 02:36

I'd be so embarrassed getting into that state then passing out in the gutter in November, because I was too stubborn, self obsessed and dramatic to get an Uber home.

Seriously you need to stop drinking. It's shameful. What would your kids think. What if people you knew saw you like this?