To have a romantic view of life as a SAHM?

[ConfusedMummy12]

I'm really struggling with my time management. I work school hours from home. I make a very easy meal in my lunch break, which I have for lunch and then we all have for dinner.
Otherwise, I work while kids are in school.
Do the basics housework (clean kitchen, laundry etc) when they get home.
And we split the rest of the housework between us evenings and weekends and have a cleaner 2 hrs a week.

AIBU to really want a break and be a SAHM for a while? I have this romantic notion that I'll actually get to do some yoga or swimming or something regularly, read a book, cook a wider variety of meals, clean the house myself while the kids are in school and actually be present with them when they get home, get on top of the backlog of decluttering and repainting etc, use weekends to visit family, etc.

Money would be tight, but I think we could manage...and if we don't I have enough savings to cover the time it would take to job hunt for something else...but I'm worried I'm being too optimistic about the grass being greener on the other side.

@woffley I'm not trying to be goady but what other stuff? With a cleaner coming, there really isn't a lot else to be done. Dinner is cooked with the children helping and a load of laundry put on each evening. Packed lunches take 5 minutes before bed. I'm always perplexed at the hours people spend on life admin here.

This is it really. It just isn't as simple as give up work and slot back in to work when kids are older..keep your career and pension and dont fall into the routine of doing all the housework/cooking etc..it sounds ideal but it gets old soo fast. This bit of parenting is so intense but it's over quickly and then you need alllllll the money and the dcs aren't really that into you anymore (sadly 😂)...... some version of part time or more external help is the best compromise.

You only work part time and it is around your kids from home so no commute so I am genuinely baffled at how working less hours than the few you seem to do would help in any way towards your family. That said as the sole parent of 3 kids and I work and commute and do all of the cooking and cleaning and everything else I would actually die from boredom if I did not work. Money is needed obviously for me and the kids to eat and have any sort of life anyway but to give up my income and my independance to go to swim or yoga the odd time would drive e to an institution. Maybe it is getting out of the house more that you need to do and with a husband/second parent there you are in the lucky position that you can leave him of an evening with your kids and do your hobbies while maintaining the work and school balance also.

I’ve been at home for 6 months (between jobs) and haven’t read a single book or done much in the way of yoga/gym etc

You might find your time just gets wasted, meanwhile you lose the option of a career, independence, pension etc

The job market is very tough and roles like yours are rare: I’d throw money at the problem - more hours for cleaner, get groceries delivered, ready meals/gousto etc to relieve your time

Your kids are already at school so growing more independent: I wouldn’t give up your job! Going 4 days might help

Hanging laundry up, putting it away when dry, cleaning the kitchen after dinner, sweeping or hoovering the floors, paperwork for the business we run together, selling toys we don't need anymore, getting the car MOT /service etc done, sorting out insurance for car/house/etc...I could go on...i don't know I seem to have an endless list of admin 🙈

I became a sahp due to my child additional needs. When he was a toddler it was like having a full time job. I got a part time job 10 hours a week when he went to school. My week looks like this -

Mondays-
Walk dog 9-1030
Yoga 11-12
Lunch
Clean house 1-230
Chill 230-3

Tuesdays-
Walk dog 9-1030
House Jobs/admin 1030-12
Lunch
Visit dad 1230-3

Wednesday -
Housework 9-930
Gym/Pilates 930-12
Lunch
1-230 walk dog
Chill 230-3

I work Thursday/Friday. I also sometimes meet friends for a coffee, attend a carers support group. I'm a school governor so occasionally have visits/tasks. I'm also currently having physio every few weeks. Sometimes (a few times a month) I need to go into school to support my son/attend meetings.

In theory my at home days are quite pleasant but in reality I'm rushing trying to fit everything in.

I’ve been a SAHM for 7.5 years (and have 2.5 years to go until my youngest is in school) and I love it, I feel very privileged. But once my little one is in school, a WFH school hours job would be the dream! I wouldn’t want to stay at home and fanny around doing yoga while my husband was working. That’s not a stay at home mum anyway surely that’s a housewife maybe or a lady of leisure realistically! You can’t really be a stay at home mum if you’ve got no children at home to look after 😂

I’ve been a SAHM for 15 years. It does mean we all have lots of time to do the things we like. DH and I have hobbies we spend 20+ hours on each week. I’m available to get the kids to any activities they want to go to (and they go to lots), to volunteer with the school for sports and drama which my kids are involved in. We have a lot of family time and no one is stressed about chores in the evening or at the weekend. But DH earns a lot and things aren’t at all tight. If I went back to work I wouldn’t add a huge amount to our disposable income, and if we paid people to maintain the lifestyle we currently have, it would cost more than I could initially earn.

As others have mentioned, doing all the housework does get old fast. I used to love cooking but having to do it for 4 people all the time has taken some of the joy out of it. I don’t feel like I’m engaged with the wider world in the way I did when I used to work. I don’t make as many friends and I have noticed that my perspective on things is narrower. Many of my work skills have atrophied (and my earning potential has tanked). When the kids leave home I’m going to need to find something that will make me feel more useful, which I suspect will be hard.

As a family we have a higher quality of life with me as a SAHM, and I think we’re all a lot less stressed than we would be if I was working, so in that sense your view of it tracks my experience. But I pay a price. It probably isn’t as good for me as it is for everyone else.

Lower your standards OP. Cleaning the floors etc doesn't need to be done every day. 6-8 hours of housework on top of a cleaner 2 hours a week is excessive.

If you work school hours without a commute I don’t understand why you aren’t able to spend time with your dc?

Stop the amount of cleaning you do!

As a family we have a higher quality of life with me as a SAHM, and I think we’re all a lot less stressed than we would be if I was working, so in that sense your view of it tracks my experience. But I pay a price. It probably isn’t as good for me as it is for everyone else.

I think that’s an important point.

I’ve built up working from 10 hours a week to 25 hours over the last decade and I still haven’t managed to sort much out with my free time! 😆

Remember this is a season. When your dc are in Secondary you will have more freedom. You can leave them for an hour or two and go swimming / yoga whatever. They can help more with cleaning..often reluctantly. Life won't always be so busy. Integrate the swimming/ exercise into family time. Have one nice thing for yourself over the weekend.
I wouldn't give up that job as part time hours are a God send.
Just to cheer you up l am now just retired after a lifetime of constant go and demands. My time is my own. I clean and no one messes it up. My laundry for two is quick. Sometimes we dont bother cooking. I go to my circuit training, organised walks, coffee mornings, read my books, nobody cares where l am and l never have to rush home.
But life with younger children is different..not worse..just different. Just know it won't always be so busy even by the teen years.

You would need to think about things like your pension, family savings, whether you could find another job (especially a WFH, school hours job) if needed after an employment gap, etc.

It wouldn’t be for me and I definitely wouldn’t view being solely responsible for domestic chores romantic, but we all want different things! Is your partner on board? Would he have to give up certain lifestyle perks to fund it?

There is no wrong choice but I don’t necessarily think the romantic vision of reading and yoga is realistic. It will be a lot more cooking, cleaning, garden maintenance etc.

I would up the cleaner’s hours and go swimming. It would be more cost effective and I would rather do my job than clean more.

What do you do for a living and will that have moved on without you when you want to go back in a few years?

Bit hit on your pension.

Potential lack of respect from your husband (assume you are married? don't do it if not).

Need to be very clear from the start that everything coming in is family money and you both have equal access to it. Any hint of 'I'll give you an allowance' - scrap the idea.

OP I work part time two days a week.
My youngest has just started school and my DH is happy for me to continue part time as I take the bulk of household duties as he works very very long hours. I'm also happy to do this as I love my job but also love having a few days to potter around the house; read, exercise, meet friends, I do the majority of dit, plan meals etc after 8 years of child rearing and juggling everything. It really is a lovely balance and I'm enjoying this new phase of life even though I miss my little one but he's thriving at school.

Working part time means I get me time and to keep up my career that I worked very hard for, and still contribute to my pension too. I earn a decent salary for my two days still. Of course o could earn more if I upped my hours but we don't need the money and the slower pace works for us as a family.

I've also found our evenings and weekends are much more enjoyable as jobs are done during the week days so we all enjoy that time more as family time as there are no chores to be done.

Would you be able to work part time in your current role?

Why would the OP be taken for granted?

The small taste of being a SAHM I had on mat leave was deadly boring, and I resented being the default housework and cooking person. Ugh. I also hated not having my own money coming in, towards the end.

I now work condensed hours with one day off, and for me that's ideal. I spend that day rushing around doing everything I didn't get done in the week, get to pick my kid up from school and have some time together. And the cleaner comes. I don't sit around doing nothing because that wouldn't be fair.

Being a SAHM can be very boring (let’s be honest). You need to know other people who are doing it and you need to have enough money to be able to go to classes or out for lunch or even out for coffee. I would suggest p/t or a four day week is a better option.

Going part time is the answer. I did that for 10yrs as I had a serious health issue and a single parent to young kids. It meant that I could pick them up from school, have play dates and do all the cleaning on those days, plus some things for myself. It helped me get through that time. I had a major surgery in 2017 and then went back full time in 2018 and worked hard and got a promotion 2yrs ago. I still have a good pension and obviously had a job I could then up my hours in. Mine wasn’t because I wanted to be a SAHM though, that is something I never wanted to do but it was great being able to work part time for those years. I am considering some voluntary top up pension contributions to balance out those part time years but not right now. If you do give up your job, make sure your family income stretches to pay into a pension for you too.

Well yeah we'd all love leisure time but someone has to earn the money.

Can you make smaller changes

• get a robot hoover
• have the cleaner twice a week
• reduce hours

Giving up a school hours job feels extreme if your kids are already school age before long it won't be you they won't after school it will be their friends.

I wouldn't. Money being tight over a long period of time kind of gets boring very fast.

Oh my god op i’d kill for your job and a cleaner- do you want to swap?!😅