To have a romantic view of life as a SAHM?

[ConfusedMummy12]

I'm really struggling with my time management. I work school hours from home. I make a very easy meal in my lunch break, which I have for lunch and then we all have for dinner.
Otherwise, I work while kids are in school.
Do the basics housework (clean kitchen, laundry etc) when they get home.
And we split the rest of the housework between us evenings and weekends and have a cleaner 2 hrs a week.

AIBU to really want a break and be a SAHM for a while? I have this romantic notion that I'll actually get to do some yoga or swimming or something regularly, read a book, cook a wider variety of meals, clean the house myself while the kids are in school and actually be present with them when they get home, get on top of the backlog of decluttering and repainting etc, use weekends to visit family, etc.

Money would be tight, but I think we could manage...and if we don't I have enough savings to cover the time it would take to job hunt for something else...but I'm worried I'm being too optimistic about the grass being greener on the other side.

When I was in my 20s very, very few women that I knew went back to work full time.
I went back 2 days a week. DH worked long hours and so I did pretty much everything.
It suited me. I kept a foot in the workplace but had time for the children. It never crossed my mind to consider whether other people would disapprove.

I'll bring this up with them! I'm already part time (school hours) so I'm hoping that doesn't drop to being *too" part time for them iykwim

I think it’s a huge win to do school hours if you only have school age kids. If you have any toddlers or pre schoolers then I think SAHM is more useful

Yeh that sounds good, and for me it's mostly about keeping a foot in, DH is breadwinner and wants to be, he really doesn't want to be juggling all the home stuff

Ah, OP. I feel so sorry for you. My career kinda did suffer because of my DC but I personally wouldn't change it. Strange as it is, I still seem to have stuff to deal with each day ( admin, pets, DC still, DParents now) even though DC has left home. My only advice - do what suits you and don't feel you're doing anything wrong. ( I feel I'm not doing enough, but one has to be realistic...) It's not easy and I wish you the best!

This is very un mumsnet of me but yes, being at home with your young family will immeasurably improve your life. The purpose of life is to love and enjoy your family, not slave and kill yourself saving for a week abroad next year and a new car. And I do think the best person to be at home is generally the woman.

Not the point at all I know but do you eat the same meal for lunch and dinner everyday?

I'd go part time if I could in your shoes. 5 days a week seems like a lot of time to kill with less money. I'm currently a SAHM to a pre schooler who only attends pre school for 1 day and 2 mornings but I can see myself getting bored very quickly with 5 days at home on my own.

If OP is only working school hours and her children are in school, I don't understand how giving up work will increase her time with her family unless she's going to home school them.

It allows you to do all the other stuff while the children are at school so when they are home they have your time and attention.
I know it's an unfashionable view but I suspect most women who work full time do it because they have to, not because they prefer it.
We all manage to feel guilty whatever we do.

I think you should sub-contract more cleaning/drudge work first.

When I went back to work after 7 years as a SAHM (and they were wonderful years), I was: running Sunday School, Chair of the PTA, helping a friend with their business plan and helping a charity. I well recall DH saying, "you're flat out all the time they are at school, you'd be better off getting a job".

Please don't give up a job that works right now. We are inches away from a dreadful recession. It may be harder than you imagine to get anither ĝ

I expect the OP probably already knows whether her dh would be likely to want to do that, since she's married to him.

I am a sahm of school/nursery age dcs and I'm pretty happy with it. I have time to do exercise, socialising and hobbies during the day, and do chores/errands/DIY during the day so that evening and weekend time can be focused on the dcs for homework, play, extracurriculars etc. Weekends are purely leisure time. School holidays are spent ferrying the dcs to days out and holiday camps. I don't feel lonely as I like my own company, and I do some organised hobbies with a social side during the day. I don't have any plans to get a job as dcs get older, but I will probably develop my hobbies and take on more commitment.

For us, finances aren't tight so there's no compromise. And a proportion of our income is passive which was generated by me, so there's no resentment or sense that I'm not pulling my weight, and I would be financially secure if DH and I split.

All I can say is hang in there if you can.

It does get easier and when the kids get to high school you will love it, and the time and headspace to look after yourself will come back to you.

Obviously if it's affecting your mental health then look at your options but unless you hate your work you are in an enviable position.

I would spend your lunch break doing yoga, reading etc, not cooking a meal. Do that at dinner time when your DC are home, and make sure you have a repertoire of straightforward meals for weekdays. How many other chores do you have after work. It sounds like you never have time for anything else, but I think I would do if I finished work at 3.30 everyday.

I’m a SAHM with kids in school. I haven’t worked since the eldest was born so the adjustment was different than giving up a job at this stage, but I found the novelty of the swimming and yoga and reading stuff when they go to school wears off fairly quickly. I imagine especially so if you don’t have a group of friends living the same lifestyle or don’t have the money to pay for things to do, petrol to get around etc. I’m an introvert and a homebody and even I couldn’t just stay home doing housework or reading all day.

I do voluntary work for a couple of organisations, care for an elderly relative and do all the childcare (one of my kids has additional needs), housework, child admin, cooking, shopping and laundry. My house isn’t especially clean and I don’t cook amazing dinners every night - turns out for me it’s not a lack of time for domestic stuff, I just don’t like it! It does mean we have a lot more free weekend time.

And yes, sometimes I read or go swimming, and I tend to do a lot of socialising in the day because I have other SAH friends. I have a decent chunk of free time and I enjoy my life, but for us it’s not a financial issue - I wouldn’t SAH if it meant sacrificing the kids activities, holidays etc or if my DH was going to feel stressed or resentful about it.

I don’t see why you’re not focused on the kids when they get home? Supper is made, presumably you can also get laundry done during the day, so how much else really needs to be done before they go to bed?

I work school hours but out of the house all day (TA) and even so I have a little bit of time to focus on the kids in the afternoons unless we are running around to their activities.

I work part time. My husband works full time. I spend my days off sorting out the house and doing the shopping, looking after elderly relatives etc. I would feel bad not earning at all, lolling about at yoga and sitting about reading, knowing my husband was working extra hard to make sure we stayed financially afloat. It's selfish to expect your partner to shoulder all the financial responsibility so you can go swimming. I would also hate feeling like I was domestic staff - pretty sure the trade off of you not going out to work is the expectation you run the house 1950s housewife-style. You'll be too busy cleaning the skirting boards with a toothbrush to go to yoga.

She currently only works during school hours so it doesn't sound like the children are in any additional childcare.

It is non-stop. Carving out a bit of time for yourself makes such a difference, whether it is a day's annual leave for yourself when the kids are in school, a babysitter at the weekend, or working a 4 day week and having a few hours free on the 5th day. Or extra hours for the cleaner to take the pressure off.

Sounds like your kids are quite young...it is temporary, soon they can sort their own laundry and clean their rooms etc. And you get some time back to yourself again and can work more.

Being a sahm is great until your husband cheats on you and you don't dare leave him because you can't support yourself and don't even have a pension.

Independent means no one can fuck you over:

I'm a SAHM not through choice and it's boring. I can't work for visa reasons where I am and it's not for want of trying. My kids are older as well son it like I've got little ones. Anyway , I thought it would be amazing and it was for a bit , but I'm bored and lonely a lot of the time as most of our friends work during the day and I'm just stuck in on my own. I have access to a pool and a gym (not in the UK) and even that gets boring after a while. The grass isn't always greener.

I think you have a deeply romantic view of it, as you say yourself. Reframe it as becoming economically inactive, putting extra stress on your family’s finances, and stepping out of your career.

I don’t understand why you feel you’re missing out on time with your kids if you only work school hours? Why can’t you spend time with them when they’re home from school?

Been there, done that and completely agree with the above.

I sank into depression and loneliness when I was a sahm...retrained now they are older and now work 4 days a week, and feel like I have a great balance. I still have a day to allocate to e.g. long walk, hobby, nap, bath, read, cook.