A CF at a dinner party?

[SnowPenguin]

My sister told me this story and I think it's top CF-ery. She isn't sure, but then again she's a much nicer person than me. What do you think?

Last night my sister went out to dinner with some ex work friends. This includes a woman, let's call her Sue, who's mid fifties. Sue lives about a 20 minute walk from the restaurant. My sister lives along Sue's route, about half way (so a ten minute walk from the restaurant). Everyone else lives in the other direction.

Sue asked my sister if she wanted to share a taxi there and back and my sister said was planning to walk. Sue said she wouldn't feel safe walking (to me this is ridiculous as you couldn't think of a less scary small town) and that she wouldn't be able to come as her husband couldn't take her and she didn't drive at night and taxis are expensive. In the end, my sister (total sweetheart) said she'd drive and give Sue a lift home. Sue said great, and asked for a lift TO the restaurant too. My sister told me she didn't really mind all this as was still happy to go out even if she couldn't have a glass of wine.

At the restaurant people ordered drinks from the bar and paid themselves (except my sister), then during dinner everyone ordered another drink to the table eg one person got a glass of wine, another person a beer etc. My sister doesn't bother much with soft drinks so had the table tap water.
The final bill had these extra drinks on as well as the food, usual discussion about how to manage the bill and SUE pipes up to say "let's just split it evenly". Which they did.

Is Sue a major CF?
Were all the people there CFs?
Or is it ok, which my sister thinks, because she could have said something at the time and didn't, and maybe next time someone else won't be drinking and she will?
Everyone must have known sister wasn't drinking, but no-one else knew about the arrangement with Sue.

AIBU?
YABU - not very cheeky
YANBU - cheeky, very cheeky

Yes Sue is a massive CF.

Your sister needs to learn to stand up for herself.

Yes she’s a CF but your DSis can presumably speak?

Hopefully she will find a way of punishing Sue at the earliest opportunity.

I think sue is really cheeky on the lift point - if your sister wants to walk then sue need to make her own arrangements.

Have I understood correctly everyone had just one drink to the table? If so that’s not the worst example of bill splitting I have heard. It would be different is there had been bottles of wine flying about but a £7 drink each that your sis didn’t have could be subsumed if your sister had steak and someone else had veggie pasta for example.

I think I would have told sue to get a taxi to my house and walk the remainder with me, same opposite way .

Your sister paid the Wet Lettuce Tax. It's a voluntary tax so she can't blame anyone else.

Sue is a cf and thoughtless but to be honest your sister needs to develop a back-bone too.
She should have told Sue that she was walking to the restaurant and stuck with that. I bet Sue would have got a taxi in the end when there was no other option available.
Also she could have spoke up about the drinks and ask that they pay for their drinks separately or just say that she would put in the amount that covers her meal.

Yes, Sue was being unreasonable, but your sister also needs to learn not to be such a pushover. I wouldn't have that much sympathy for someone so lacking in back bone that she can't even speak.

'Well no, I didn't drink anything except tap water as I'm driving, remember Sue? So let the drinkers all split but I'm just going to pay for what I had.'

What an absolute pisstaker! I can only hope she was tipsy and thoughtless when she said it, but it sounds more like very entitled nonsense.

It’s tricky as you are linking the lift sharing to the group bill splitting..

Sue sounds a little cheeky. It’s not how I would behave. I wouldn’t expect someone to come and get me and take me home if they were planning on walking. I would have said ‘’I’m planning on getting an Uber, happy to pay but if you want to share home let me know?’.

Then the bill splitting - we normally clock if someone isn’t drinking and adjust the bill down. So nobody in the group did this. Wasn’t just on Sue. Also your sis could have spoken up but it doesn’t seem like she’s bothered.

With close friends that I go out with lots we just split (we do reduce for non drinkers but often they refuse and are happy to split).

I wouldn't have stood for that, however "total sweetie" I am! I'd have said no, sorry Sue, I didn't have drinks, so I'll work out what I had, add a tip and pay that! Her own fault for not speaking up and CFs only get to be CFs because they're allowed to get away with it! Sue was a CF with the lift, your sister should have walked, it's not up to her whether Sue can get there or not when it's as unreasonable as this!

If they only had one drink to the table, did Sue realise your sister wasn't drinking? A lot of people do have one glass of wine and drive.

I think as it’s only one drink I would be relaxed about it. I can understand why your sister didn’t say anything as yes it will probably work out over time.

I would have been more firm on the lift front though. But your sister just sounds like a kind person.

Sue should have said in the first place that she's walking not driving because she would be having a drink. Solves both problems.

Sue would not be getting her lift home if it was me.

The meal part wouldn't bother me, its fairly standard with low level drinks.

The lift part would, I would have told Sue to make her way to mine as I wasn't setting off early and already getting home later.

Live & Learn, next time get a taxi and split the costs and have a wine or two. Does Sue drive? Maybe suggest its her turn next time and see how keen she is to walk. If your sister lives half way there then she should say she is happy to walk and see if Sue offers to pick you up in a taxi on the way. just dont let it happen again.

Quite normal to split the bill for large groups, but next time sister needs to be prepared to say "I'll pay for mine separately as I didn't drink".

And your turn to drive next time, Sue!

I don’t think the bill splitting was massive CFery. The difference between different main choices could easily be the same as the cost of a pint of beer. A pint of Coke often isn’t much less than a pint of beer. It’s a pretty standard thing to do, anyone who isn’t happy with doing it that way, should speak up. I wouldn’t expect Sue to have paid attention to whether your DS was drinking water and ordered a salad or went for the steak, multiple sides and an expensive mocktail. Not drinking doesn’t necessarily mean a smaller bill.

The CFery is emotionally blackmailing your DS into driving. Ditto not offering petrol money or buying a thank you gift.

I bloody love my friends. If I drive (I often do as I’m not too fussed about drinking and seem to be on call for work most times we go out), they buy my soft drinks and get the food bill and a separate drinks one which they split between the drinkers. It’s always the drinkers who suggest this.

Re sis needing a back bone - it was me who thought Sue a CF not sister. I just thought I’d share as I enjoy a CF thread on mumsnet 🤣🤣

The taxi thing is a separate issue, I think. Your DSis did a kind thing. But the rest is just the same old discussion about whether you split the bill or not. The consensus is usually that if everyone"s bill is roughly the same then why not split. It takes a lot of guts to stand up to this though - I've done it and been called a skinflint because I didn't want to subsidise other people's boozing.

Sue is a CF and your sister needs to find her voice

If it was only one drink as the OP suggests, then I don't think the bill splitting is an issue.

I think Sue should have offered something to your DS for driving - either to buy her a drink or petrol money/paying for parking or turned up with a bunch of flowers for her to say thank you.

i am a complete pushover and even I would have said “bugger that”. The extra drinks split would have added at least a tenner (ish) to the bill. Why didn’t the others say no? Or were they happy to take the p too?