A CF at a dinner party?

[SnowPenguin]

My sister told me this story and I think it's top CF-ery. She isn't sure, but then again she's a much nicer person than me. What do you think?

Last night my sister went out to dinner with some ex work friends. This includes a woman, let's call her Sue, who's mid fifties. Sue lives about a 20 minute walk from the restaurant. My sister lives along Sue's route, about half way (so a ten minute walk from the restaurant). Everyone else lives in the other direction.

Sue asked my sister if she wanted to share a taxi there and back and my sister said was planning to walk. Sue said she wouldn't feel safe walking (to me this is ridiculous as you couldn't think of a less scary small town) and that she wouldn't be able to come as her husband couldn't take her and she didn't drive at night and taxis are expensive. In the end, my sister (total sweetheart) said she'd drive and give Sue a lift home. Sue said great, and asked for a lift TO the restaurant too. My sister told me she didn't really mind all this as was still happy to go out even if she couldn't have a glass of wine.

At the restaurant people ordered drinks from the bar and paid themselves (except my sister), then during dinner everyone ordered another drink to the table eg one person got a glass of wine, another person a beer etc. My sister doesn't bother much with soft drinks so had the table tap water.
The final bill had these extra drinks on as well as the food, usual discussion about how to manage the bill and SUE pipes up to say "let's just split it evenly". Which they did.

Is Sue a major CF?
Were all the people there CFs?
Or is it ok, which my sister thinks, because she could have said something at the time and didn't, and maybe next time someone else won't be drinking and she will?
Everyone must have known sister wasn't drinking, but no-one else knew about the arrangement with Sue.

AIBU?
YABU - not very cheeky
YANBU - cheeky, very cheeky

I don't know if it's been said but sue could have at least paid 20-50% towards your sister's bill to cover the convenience of your sister being her taxi.

Sue is a cf wrt to the lift arranging

Although your ds needs to get a back bone. 10/20 mins could be the walk from the carpark. And she should have also spoken up about the bill splitting

I agree with a pp that a compromise would have been for Sue to taxi to Op's sister, walk in together & the same in reverse after the meal!

No, because the OP's DS didn't drink precisely because she had been asked to provide taxi services.

Well that's my opinion, anyway.

Sue sounds like a CF but also your sister needs to stand up for herself, if I was her I simply would NOT have accepted splitting the bill evenly and paying for everyone else’s drinks.

I’m not fussed about drinking with a meal, so if I’m ever out with people for dinner and they are drinking too, I never contribute to their drinks. I’ve said things like “I only had water so take my £24 for food off and then split it please” or someone else may suggest splitting the food cost and then paying for drinks item by item, as some may have had a whole bottle of wine whilst another has a pint.

Regarding splitting bills, quite normal for bills to be split evenly. If sister wanted to pay only her share, she should have said do.

Regarding lift, Sue asked and sister could have said no.

Do I don’t think Sue is a cf as such.

Yes, Sue is a CF.

Your Dsis is a bit of a doormat, though, and needs to learn to speak up. She should practice saying, "Sorry, that doesn't work for me."

No your sister is a mug and Sue is a massive CF. I've always been like your sister until my circumstances changed (husband left). I recall being the designated driver on a night out. I took 4 people. I had one main meal which was £12 and drank water from the jug as I was driving. It was all "let's just split the bill". That involved multiple bottles of Prosecco and cocktails and people who had had 3 courses. I was told I had to contribute £70 for my 12 quid meal. I said no. The whole table just looked at me. I said I'm sorry, I've driven, saved cab fares, I've had one course and drank water, I'm not paying £70. I had some looks but they did recalculate. I was on carers allowance and income support because my child is disabled. Absolutely not. You have to speak up for yourself sometimes.

That’s fine as the discrepancy there is huge. With multiple bottles of alcohol and you only had one course. Though your ‘friends’ should have suggested that!

I think this situation is different- people only had one drink and we don’t know who had the more expensive food (might have been the sister!) or who had starters/puddings. We also don’t know the dynamics of the group - if they eat out often and sister normally drinks then that may be why she’s confident it will all work out in the future.

I’m a teetotal and have no backbone 😭😭😭😭

im always in this situation!!

No, because the OP's DS didn't drink precisely because she had been asked to provide taxi services.
Well that's my opinion, anyway.

Op's sister didn't drink because she agreed to be a taxi service, not because she was asked!

This is a very common situation. Let me guess your sister is not only a bit of a walkover in the first place by offering to drive and then didn't want to "say anything" to cause a "scene".

It that case I would have said I will pay for my food/drink that's it. I've been in this situation before and I had only 1 drink. I worked out my food and drink and ask the waiter to pay separately.

Sue is a sow.

Yanbu. Lesson learnt with such CFs, don't don'tdo it again. I'm Sue, will have extra drinks and expect my chauffeur to pay the same as me. X

Even if not drinking I tend to accept even splitting as causes less hassle as long as it isn't huge amounts. However, Sue sounds like she was a CF for putting pressure on your sister in the first place.

I wouldn't have offered the lift in the first place, but might have shared a taxi home. But drinks should be paid for separately, not stuck on the meal bill. Have been there and it causes massive ill-feeling if this is not done.

Ur sister could have said no at any point.
She didn't, so she's being bit used.
Her choice.

Your sister needed to say something about the drinks. If she doesn’t, she will end up paying for other people’s drinks.

The worst CFery is Sue taking the piss over the lifts. But again, your sister needed to say “Oh, I’m sorry you won’t be able join this time, Sue.”

Just have to add, the worst cheeky f*ckery I have experienced is a friend asking for a bottle of wine that wasn’t on the menu. She asked the very expensive Notting Hill restaurant to source it and bring it to her. She did not run it by me at all. It was £280 for the bottle. She expected me to pay half and I did.

Now I am older and wiser I would interrupt and order my own wine by the glass at the beginning. I don’t see this ex friend anymore.

Yes! I’ve never heard this phrase before but it sums up the situation perfectly😂

This is why I'm not going on the work Christmas do. I've been stung by a splitting of the bill where some people (who knew we'd all be paying equally) are lining up shots and I innocently had one glass of house wine. Spoke up. Regarded a skinflint for not wanting to subsidise the bender others were on. Just not going again.

This year a smaller group are going to the nearest Christmas market in the afternoon when it's quiet. We can all get our own bits and have either mulled wine or hot chocolate, more inclusive of non-drinkers and different budgets. Also easier to chat to more people, not just whoever you're sat next to.

Your sister is probably right, especially if it's a regular occurrence that they go out for meals. Another time someone else won't be drinking, or someone will have a cheaper meal etc.

The getting your sister to drive is major cheeky fuckery though!

Sue is a CF but your sister is a wet lettuce

Sue is the cheekiest of CFs- no insight into her CF - ery. I wouldn’t be giving her any lifts
It’s nearly always the people who order lots of alcohol (including cocktails!!) who want to split the bill. CFs