Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

You don't say how old your other children are or how old you are. I also had an unplanned pregnancy when I had 3 other children at nearly 50. I thought I was too old and tired but the other children were a big help and now have healthy 7 year old who has a lovely bond with her siblings. In my case I knew early on I could never have an abortion and once the pregancy progressed I saw it as a blessing, but time goes quickly and becomes much easier once they start school as you know. That is separate from your partner who sounds very unreasonable, but has a duty to support you.

Seven with the twins.

I wish we weren’t in a world where women are punished for having babies. We think life is so far from Jane Austen times yet it isn’t, if you marry well you’re entitled to more babies, a better life, more security.

Its this generation that will wipe the older generations arse and fuel the economy and we punish women for birthing and raising children or having big families.

Human brings have sex and get pregnant and the idea you have to be wealthy to birth twins or lucky enough to have a man that sticks by you is so unfair.

It just upsets me that you have to sit down and crunch the numbers to decide whether you can birth twins. You should be celebrating and being supported. Instead it’s about maths and whether your husband minds & what the government policies are and being told off for not being a good girl with your contraception & whether you can afford babies.

This should be a wonderful thing not an assessment of whether you can afford twins & have a right.

His 2 previous children aren't really her problem tbh !
He couldn't careless for the two she has growing inside of her.
Why drop his outside children to her plate ??
Honestly I've only been on here a few days ans some people on here love to dramatise a situation and escalate it ..

Had she said she was concerned about his children .. no she is talking about her children

It’s good for people to post about the possible regret. It’s a real possible outcome. Have you seen the hundreds of posts from women on here feeling suicidal after their regretted abortion. Women having counselling, women on anti depressants. Women trying to replace the baby they terminated as soon as they can.
Look if you don’t believe me, just google mumsnet regret abortion.

She has 3, he has 2 and she is pregnant with twins. 3+2+2 =7 Despite his kids not living with them, the twins are still their half siblings and they will still be affected.

They will have seven kids collectively, which is a lot for anyone. Surely resulting in massive drawbacks for the current children - resources, time and energy etc.

I can see why ops dh thinks it’s a bad idea…

So sorry you have such a difficult decision to make. There's no easy option if you don't want to terminate the pregnancy but also can't see your way to bringing up more children than you already have. Just wishing you the best whatever you decide.

It would be good to know the ages of the other kids. Imagine if hers or his or both are teens or late teens or some of them are close to 18. It would make a difference to how much energy and stretch having 7 would need

The OP is clearly very aware of the possibility of regret. There's no need to post further guilt trips.

5 of her own
The outside 2 do not live inside the home so???? How are you counting them they're his children

I don’t think the poster did it to intend to guilt trip. Read her post again, it’s not ‘you’re killing your baby’ guilt trip. It’s her personal story with a much softer slant than that

I didn't say they were her problem. Hence my reference to "all the parents". However, there would still be 7 kids that would need supporting - money can only be stretched and divided so much. There will be less to go around. That's just factual. She can't just pretend the other 2 don't exist, he will still have to pay for them all.
If she can independently support 5 kids, financially, practically and emotionally, then fine. But most people can't.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide. My two pence is that the logistics of feeding, changing and carting about two babies at once means you really need two people. Do you have adequate support for this, or do you think your DH will come round?

Seriously people need to see it as 5 of her children she would be financially responsible for not 7

She is in a time of need and support. What has happend has happened she doesn't need a lecture.

If she raises the children alone it's 5 not 7 ( his extra 2 ) that many keep adding to her financial situation.

The best advice in these circumstances!

I think you just answered you own question about your marriage. Basically he doesn’t think you having an abortion is a big deal then does he? That’s heartbreaking for you though. I would decide what you want and do it. I don’t think his feelings matter anymore. He could have had a vasectomy. He didn’t .
good luck I hope you find the right thing for you what ever you decide. Only you know what it is you really want x

While you say you you will struggle mentally with another abortion how will you cope mental health wise if you are a single mum to 5 children and in the worse case scenario one of the twins has serious health issues ( higher risk with twins ) and you are alone trying to manage the situation.

It’s a tough one but I would seriously consider the longer term implications on mental health , physical health, finances , support available both practical and mentally , and the impact on your existing 3 DC. Parenting twins as a couple is tough, as a single mum it will be a big struggle and will adversely impact your other DC.

That does it: throw away the whole man.

If she continues with the pregnancy doesn't sound like he is going to be around regardless so why factor in his 2 children that is my point!!!! She is not going to receive benefits for them so ???

The language I want to spew now. You are possibly going through a second abortion because this person won't have a vasectomy?
WTAF?
WTAF?
Personally I would be getting away from this cretin, he couldn't care less about you and he is absolutely disgusting.

Troll hunting.

@Whatslifefor well they do say that abstinence is the best policy!! you partner needed to put a hat on it!!!

I've read the post thanks, and I believe she meant to guilt trip.