Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

I think he needs to live with the consequences of choosing not to have a vasectomy - that he doesn’t get to decide or control whether the OP has an abortion or not.

But I don’t think it’s right to try to coerce/browbeat/threaten him into having a vasectomy any more than it’s ok for him to coerce/browbeat/threaten her to have an abortion. It doesn’t matter how a minor a procedure it might be. It’s his body and he gets to decide.

This is disgusting! You absolutely should not have to go through an abortion. Also if your marriage survives don't have sex with him ever again

So much this. Ffs.

This. He didn't want to have a vasectomy but you also had another option of not having sex as well.
What a dilemma.

Would you be able to handle being a single mum to 5. Twins is such hard work and how would that impact your current children.

How do you know this is a twin pregnancy so early? That's what puzzles me. Are you under the care of EPU already?

He's an absolute bastard for this. Horrendously selfish.

I'm not being deliberately unkind saying it and yes, of course if things had turned out differently then in theory, I would have been through a lot worse with a disabled child and potentially no husband.

Yes, I am fortunate too that my child is healthy and all is ok. I don't sit there with my DM and point out the fact she nearly made me have an abortion, I just say how much we all love our family and that it's great my DD is a part of it. At no point do I say anything about "You kept going on about me having abortion." I'd never be that unkind and make her feel guilty that she said these things.

If you're pregnant due to unprotected sex, then this is on both of you. You both knew the consequences, you what it's like to go through an abortion and him knowing and not caring what it does to you.

Just for know, I think you really need to focus on yourself and what you want. Do you really want another child(ren) and can you cope with looking after five children, as well as supporting them financially with whatever maintenance he would pay. If so, then tell him, no way you're having an abortion and it's then on him to decide. If he leaves you, then that doesn't look good on his part!

I'm not guilt tripping her. See my reply above ("Ffs"!)

Well…it’s likely to be over either way.

Realistically speaking could you be a single mum to 5 kids? Financially would you be ok? Taking into account everything you can claim (free childcare options from 9 months by the time babies are born) and maintenance if your DH did leave you, Do you have a big enough house where it wouldn’t cause distress to the others (5 kids of different ages in a 2 bed for example would be shit for everyone involved)

He had the choice to have a vasectomy but chose not to. The results of that are growing inside you. You want to have the children, have the children.

I could have no respect for a man who refused to consider a vasectomy whilst taking abortion so lightly

Abortion clinics scan you and call tell you.

private early scans (you can book one around me within a days notice) around £60 also can tell you.

why are people so fixated on this part of the post

Just because he said he didn’t want more kids doesn’t mean he gets a free pass. If he’s having sex, even with contraception, he knows there’s a risk of a baby/babies.

It is not okay to leave it as your responsibility because you don’t want an abortion. His decision for you to go through an abortion isn’t the same as your decision.

Emotionally Id be done with him just for expecting me to have an abortion on his terms but easy for me to say on a forum.

I send you my love and hugs that you don’t have the support you need and deserve at this time xoxoxoox

It's not 7..
She only has 3 of her own
He has 2 of his own
Why can't people read ffs honestly so annoying

Of course you were. There was no other reason to bang on about how much you would have regretted having an abortion.

I think it's OP'S body and also her future, because let's face it, in a relationship or not, its still women who do the bulk of child rearing.

I also agree that the husband should have taken better care of things if he was ademant not to have more children.

OP, you need to do what is right for you, for your own future and your existing children, I think their age is a huge factor...
I believe your relationship is being tested, so mentally I would prepare myself for a rocky ride and being a single parent to 3/5 children.

I would save my sanity and marriage and get a termination on the provision he gets a vasectomy. I would insist on it.

Op, you need to consider the well being and life of the children you are bringing into the world, as well as the needs of the children already here. There is no way I would go through with this under any circumstances.

Similar to you, my mother has been so pressurising of me to abort our third baby. We’ve decided to keep it and I haven’t told her yet but I’m dreading having to be around her but keeping the baby she wanted me to terminate

I stand corrected, too, as a PP said.
Must admit I wasn't around (yet), when it happened!
😎

Yes, 3+2+2=7 does it not? I said 7 kids in the mix. I did not say she would have 7.

Mine had it 3 years ago. Highly recommended. It's awesome.

If you are only six weeks pregnant, you can't be certain, or close to certain, you're having twins. I think 7 weeks is the earliest ultrasound can detect this, and I'm not sure how widely available this is, so I'm wondering about the whole post. Whatever the story is, you and your partner are clearly in different places as far as children and contraception go, so the future of the relationship doesn't look good. But as far as the abortion goes, this has to be your choice.

Yes you can.

Well, even if that's the case, I don't discuss how much I want her to appreciate the "still living" DD now.

And what's so wrong about the fact I kept her? It is what it is now. We love my DD very much, regardless.