Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

All life is equal and valued but in this case it’s 2 lives.

Op, it will be difficult- you know that. I know you want the twins and you should have them. The difficulty of having the twins, having to budget, be resourceful etc would pale in comparison to the staggering loss of twins.

@Whatslifefor I have nc for this. I had a termination quite early on. It broke me but I did survive and can talk about it etc now, sometimes. I don’t feel the darkness I used to feel. I am now a mother. If your husband would leave you over this if you didn’t have an abortion then the relationship is surely over. You want your pregnancy to continue. You will be ok either way. I had my termination due to pressure from the man I was with and I would never let any man do that to me again. Whatever you choose it should be what you want, that is what trumps things here.

It's sounds like you don't want an abortion and would only be having one in case he leaves you if you don't.

Has he said he would leave if you don't have an abortion or are you just worried that might happen?

I think your marriage would struggle to survive you feeling forced into an abortion.

To be honest, he didn't say he would leave. But the way he feels strongly against it is so upsetting and how it would essentially destroy our lives....etc etc I really don't see and don't agree with his point of view at all

Do you currently have lots of spare money, time and bedrooms?

Not loads of money but enough savings to dip into if needed, 4 bed house (that I own), one of my kids will actually be off to uni in a couple of years. So yes, I can see it working, he doesn't! He is actually v involved with his 2 and I think part of him doesn't want to disturb their world with new addition to the family as they're younger than mine....

Uni in a couple of years? So yours are teens? They'll be in and out for years yet. Twin babies in their exam years isn't going to fun for them. Especially with no spare bedrooms in the house is it? What would you do if his kids needed or wanted to live with you? Why don't they stay over now?
I don't think you're being very realistic to be honest.

@Whatslifefor I’m not saying it will go wrong but you say it’s your house, your job is ok etc, what contribution does he bring? Does he work?

I really don't see and don't agree with his point of view at all
How can you not see it? You agreed not to have more children. You got pregnant once and had an abortion. The message was very clear that the status quo was no more children.

Now you seem strongly adamant that you want to keep this pregnancy and seem to have no doubt or confusion about it.

Frankly, it does come across as if it was always what you wanted and maybe even planned it. If I was him, this is what I'd be thinking which would being even more questions about the future of the relationship.

He chose to not use a condom ffs, he knew pregnancy was a risk.

I agree with this. I don’t think you should foist unwanted kids on someone who doesn’t want them, especially when you both agreed. It’s selfish and you are prioritising yourself. The fact OP allowed sex with no condom means she was ok with it happening again. Low risk but not no risk. She knew it could happen.

I find both of you both selfish, both driven by your own desires, not really caring much for the other one. No wonder you are in this situation. You sound perfectly matched.

She could have insisted. Does she not have a voice?

Quite.

If neither of you want children you make damn sure it doesn't happen. Yes, accidents will still happen but using no contraception is not an accident.

She warned him she doesn't feel up for another abortion though, and she seems ok to live with the consequences.

FlingThatCarrot , I'd be separating anyway, bloke sounds a knob.

There are three situational cases.

Neither want kids and are clear about it. They discuss reliable methods to prevent pregnancy. If there is a fail somehow, they go for the morning after pill.

One is adamant they don't want more children, the other does and is honest about it. A child should not be born when only one parent wants them. They agree that the one adamant they don't want a pregnancy takes full responsibility for preventing it.

Same case scenario as above, but the one wanting the child dies intend to try to fall pregnant any way. They either lie about contraception or induce situation in the hope the other will fail with theirs. The pregnancy happens in the heap of deception.

Of course there is the very rare instance where pregnancy happens despite all protection being taken. Unlike what MN want us to believe these instances are rare, and when they happen, it is rarely confirmed at 6 weeks because it usually takes more time to consider it in the first place.

My gut feeling reading OP's posts is that it was her intention and wish to fall pregnant but trying to shift the blame on her partner for the shit show that they are facing as a result. I could be wrong of course.

And that's a perfectly valid position for him to take.

I presume it formed part of the discussion when, ypu knpw, you BOTH agreed no more children.

It was a join decision to have no more children and a joint risk to not use contraception. Unfortunately, each person involved in that is taking a very different position on the solution. One of those positions supports the original decision. The other has moved the goalposts into another league let alone another field.

Twin babies in their exam years isn't going to fun for them.

what a silly/bizarre point.

I really don't see and don't agree with his point of view at all
@Whatslifefor really???

How is that a silly or bizarre point? There's 3 kids, at least one a teenager sitting exams. Twin babies, in an already full house will have a huge impact on them. Why would you pretend otherwise?

Do you honestly think someone should take into account someone’s GCSEs when they’re deciding to have an abortion or not? To me, that’s utterly wild.

Yes actually. It's wild to me that you think living children shouldn't considered.

@Fluufer That’s not what I said at all though is it.

Kind of is.

😂😂

There is a third option that may not be appealing but….adoption? If you are only 6 weeks then you have plenty of time to look into/arrange for a family desperate for a babies to become the parents of your twins.

Emotionally it would be hard for you but you wouldn’t have the turmoil of an abortion and would know that they are somewhere being looked after by a family who loves them. Would this be something you would consider?