Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

Ah I see, I was under the impression that as she already has three children she could claim for no more as she has already passed the two child limit.

I would terminate and leave him anyway, he's a prick.

Can I just ask how you know it’s twins?

Edited it because I was wrong.

Why did you decide not to use that one time ?

Doesn't make sense if used condoms all the other times

You may want to consider sterilisation op.

Can you afford 5 children?

Possible the fact she was ovulating in the end and the body wants what it wants so she threw caution to the wind as thought she was safe while her horny make a baby ovulation brain figured it was sexier without a condom she just didn’t put two and two together.

Don’t get the abortion @Whatslifefor

Its twins, you’d be absolutely gutted at the loss of such life.

You’ll manage, billions of women before you and after you have managed. You can too 🤍

And billions haven't managed. Unless you intend to help her manage? Do you?

Managed isn’t an inspirational quote.

Managed can be anywhere from well we lived on beans on toast and stitched out socks up sleeping two to a single bed all the way though to the thing very rich do oh we managed in their country pile playing poor.

Op has to think about her existing children. Adding two more and possibly loosing an income how will that affect them and their lives. Sure if it just means no Disney every year, not so great if it means poverty level.

Are you in the UK? If so as you already have three little ones that surely means you wouldn’t be able to gain any additional financial support for the babies?

The two-child limit is about benefits like tax credits and universal credit. Lots of people don't claim either of those things - I'm a single teacher and wouldn't be eligible so it isn't just rich people who don't get them. You still get free prescriptions, childcare hours etc for subsequent babies.

Billions haven’t managed as single mothers with three children plus baby twins. It is quite an exceptional situation. Throwing reality to the wind and blindly believing everything will work itself out isn’t helpful. If OP decides to carry on with the pregnancy she need to be fully prepared for what lies ahead.

He sounds like an arsehole. And there's no way I'd be giving up a pregnancy for his benefit.

If you do terminate ltb! He’s got to go, he doesn’t want to take responsible steps to prevent a pregnancy but expects you to terminate?

In all honesty, I’d no longer have sex with him until he takes adequate steps to prevent what he doesn’t want!

In your position I wouldn't want another baby, let alone two more. But it's got to be your choice. And regardless of what happens, if you stay together he has to get the ship. That would be a deal breaker for me.

I would never have sex with this man again. Absolutely disgusting he won't take responsibility for his own fertility and then expects you to kill his two unborn children. I couldn't even look at someone like that again. Pathetic manchild.

Personally I think you shouldn’t go ahead with the termination for him.
I had an abortion 15 years ago because my husband wanted me to and I was scared to be a single mum, I regret it everyday, I’ve never come to terms with it

I still can't believe the majority of the people on this thread are blaming the husband, his ultimatum aside. The way most of you are talking, he virtually forced himself on her like she had no choice to say no?! She was well aware what sex without protection leads to. And now it has.
IT TAKES TWO TO CONCEIVE A CHILD! Birth control should be down to both of them as a couple. Especially if the OP can't take the pill. They are both to blame for the situation they now find themselves in and as the OP has stated it's happened before, therefore I have zero sympathy.
Have the abortion and split up. Be happy with your lot. You're not responsible enough to bring two more children into the world.
Yes harsh. But true.

Why does it matter that it's twins? Surely if she'd be 'absolutely gutted', she would be with one baby too?

I am 100% pro choice but I wouldn’t wish this decision on anyone.

ultimately my question would be - would my mental health decline so much my children would suffer more if I terminated than more if I struggled raising 2 more children alone?

i don’t think I could confidently raise 5 children alone as I have DC with additional needs. Terminating would mess up my head whilst I grieved but it would be the correct choice for my children who are here now. But that is a head choice, my heart would want to continue the pregnancy.
As heartbroken as I’d be though I’d have to put my children first and being given less time with me and adjusting to 2 babies would be difficult for my DC, but that I suppose depends entirely on your DCs ages etc

best of luck OP.

castrate your husband in his sleep.

Having five children is very tough for settled couples, let alone for single parents. You need to think about this really carefully.

My mum had twins (My brother and I) after a previous abortion with our father, who didn't want children (wasn't ready, in his own words).
The difference is, neither of my parents had children at that point and my mum's clock was ticking at 36.

After sticking around for a short while, our dad did leave. To be never seen again.

Mum wasn't coping really. She could just about manage her full time job to keep us afloat but there was nothing of "mum" left for us. It was tough financially, emotionally and physically. I wouldn't want my mum's life for myself.
I'm sure she would rewind time and do things differently if it were an option - rewind not to the point of pregnancy but to that point in time where she decided to marry my father.

Twin pregnancies have more complications so they may not make it to birth anyway

Contraception is a joint responsibility. You've had one unplanned pregnancy. To find yourself back in the same situation is really irresponsible of both of you.

He has made it clear he didn't want more children. Yes he should have been more careful but so should you.

This isn't a response to your post but to all the other posts bashing the irresponsibility of men.

I do think the termination decision comes down to whether you can see yourself raising the 5 children alone and if it's what you want. Yes it's hard work but for most of us exceptionally rewarding too. Good luck with what you decide.

Mum of twins here. I had just one older child (age 4 at the time) twins are incredibly haed work, husband and i had to do shifts to manage their care when they were born. Id go to bed at 8pm after getting eldest to bed hed stay awake to do the midnight feeds then id get up at 2am to feed them in the early hours (they woke every two hours) they took qges to feed due to the sucking reflex being underdeveloped at 34 weeks. Just as ONE of the many examples of the demands of twins. There being a greater risk of birth anomolies the earlier their born. Of course they were a joy and very special but dont underestimate the impact of a multiple birth on yourself and your other children. I cant imagine how WE would have coped with 5. Even if you have them and he leaves he has 7 children to support which no doubt would impact finances, despite you being relatively comfortable at present.
Best of luck whatever you decide.