Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

Oh bless you. It’s your body so ultimately your choice vetos his opinion but I do think it sounds like this is the end of your relationship either way. I feel for the both of you if I’m honest ❤️

I'm not racist. Most of the migrants coming here are not fleeing anything - how come they are all young men? What about the women and children? Can they not come too if it's that dangerous?

They are economic migrants and the UK is happy to have them.

I'm happy to have them. Where did I say anything racist? You're the one making assumptions. I like having extra people here, we need them. I'm married to one!

Other western countries are doing exactly the same thing. Trump may want to expel all these extra migrants from USA but no one wants to do those jobs in the USA either. it's going to be like Brexit mark 2 for them.

I agree that the economy is rubbish and childcare is horrendously costly. That puts a strain on women who live here, having children. It's got most of working our socks off for very little and with nothing to save at the end of it all.

My argument was that if OP can live like that, then of course she must go ahead. But that our country does not look after women like her who want to have large families. She won't get any child benefit for instance.

I'm not sure what you are complaining about.

No it isn’t. The medical procedure is exactly the same.

At 6 weeks, not all foetus’ even have a heart beat yet. That’s how early OP is.

I think you need to frame it in your mind as could YOU cope with twins as a single parent. It’s your body so ultimately your decision and you will have to live with consequences if he leaves you as a single parent. He can’t be forced to parent them and forfeits any control over your decision having knowingly had sex without taking any responsibility for contraception and knowing the consequences of that previously was an abortion as well.

You have to balance the mental effect of having an abortion which could be hard in the short term but will likely lessen in time with therapy if necessary, with the long term mental effect of raising twins on your own plus 3 other children, and the effect on those existing 3 children too as they should be the priority. Their ages, your housing situation, finances, what support network you have to give you a break for your mental and physical health so you still have something to give to the older DC etc. Twins are hard work, expensive and take up a lot of time and that will be for 18+ years. Your existing DC deserve to have a secure, happy childhood so you need to consider if you can provide that too.

I don’t think there’s much going back from your DH trying to force you into having an abortion with the threat of him leaving you to raise the DC he created with you tbh. You’d know if you did abort, that he’s only with you because you did that and his being with you is conditional on you aborting any future pregnancies as well while he’s not taking any responsibility for preventing them.

Have your twins. It may be stressful but you'll manage.

Financially I could cope with 2 more kids, we are not rich but we will manage..my job is secure and no we don't rely on benefits, but emotionally I won't be able to cope especially since my ex has very little contact with my 3 DCs sadly. So I don't want to risk bringing 2 other souls to this world without mental support and with a dad who is unable to assume his responsibilities.

Thanks all for your thoughts, really appreciated. I get that this is partly my responsibility and hence I am weighing my options carefully (although I have to admit, this is hard with the pregnancy hormones).

Abortion is not contraception. Your body, your choice but you had sex with your husband knowing this could happen. Bringing babies into existence just to kill them because he didn't want to wear a condom is just gross.

No idea why you would want to have sex with such a repugnant arsehole but here we are.

Single mum of three or five would be preferable to being tied to such an awful man forever.
He will have to pay for them regardless.

How do you know you’re pregnant with twins at six weeks pregnant?

@Whatslifefor - Not clear what you meant above. Could you cope financially if you were a single parent - and possibly getting very little support from the babies' dad? You said 'we' in the above, so not sure what you were meaning?

It's a horrible decision to be facing, but whichever way you choose to go, it does sound, sadly, that whichever choice is likely to leave you as a single parent eventually?

@Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours
A fetus is not a baby.
A 6 week old fetus is definitely not a baby.
Calling an abortion killing babies is abhorrent especially on this thread.

Oh here we go 🙄

It’s accurate though.

I have twins and found out at 6 weeks - it was very clear on my scan.

Have your babies. And get rid of your controlling asshole husband who takes no responsibility. He will still be liable to pay for them.

Honestly, I agree that whatever happens it probably is the end of your relationship, because what is your long term plan for sex going forward? If you can't take contraceptives, and he won't use them (whether condoms or vasectomy) then you either don't have sex at all or accept it's fairly likely that you will be in this position again, possibly multiple times.

I wouldn't put myself in the position of becoming a single parent to 5 children.

You already have 5 children between you.

You agreed no more children.

He needs to take some responsibility for ensuring that doesn't happen.

And then I'm back at point 1 again. I wouldn't puy myself in the position of becoming a single parent to 5 children.

So he doesn’t want more dc, but also doesn’t want a vasectomy because just in case? I don’t get it. Happy for you to go through a highly emotional medical procedure but he can’t have a straightforward swift surgery?

Just copy & pasting two of your posts @Whatslifefor

Whatslifefor · Today 12:41
Yes, the other abortion was also dh's child. I can't take many of the regular birth control for various reasons so made it clear that he needs to do his bit when it comes to preventing another one and that if I end up pregnant again, I don't think j can mentally cope with another abortion.
I am only 6 weeks pregnant so early in the process...
Go to post
Whatslifefor · Today 12:45
Well, thank you! I did mention vasectomy and he doesn't want one. But okay for me to go through abortion 😞

With the above information, I would very sadly terminate for my own and my children's mental health, and I would leave my husband.
However, if you feel going through a termination would be more detrimental to your health, then I would just leave my husband.

He is aware you can't take contraceptive pills, you've already had a termination due to getting pregnant by him, and he isn't prepared to have a vasectomy. Did he even use a condom? His choice obviously, the vasectomy, but you also have a choice in this. Do not let him be the one who calls the shots and decides.

To be fair we did use condoms regularly since last termination except from once towards the end of my last cycle (according to my app, it was low probably of conception), but I have learnt my lesson the hard way!

He has hopes of children with someone else then. My husband is the same.
Thats what the lack of vasectomy means

I think it would be helpful for you if you were clear if your husband would step up and co-parent even if you’re not together. The worst case scenario is that you’re a single parent of 5 but have no input from your husband. But would he wish to be somewhat involved if you were not together? You need to sit down and work out each scenario.

Technically still an embryo until 9 weeks so not even a fetus.

Why do posters keep questioning early scans identifying twins? I'm a twin mum and found out at a 6 week scan, it was glaringly obvious even to my very untrained eye that there was more than one baby in there!

Just because you've not personally had twins or an early scan, or an early scan that picks up twins, doesn't mean it doesn't happen for other people, as several posters have now confirmed on this thread.

I believe every woman should have a choice when it comes to having an abortion for an unwanted pregnancy. However when that person seems to be a serial abortionist due to careless contraception practises I have little sympathy.

Actually twins are an exception to the two child limit so you get benefits for the second twin but not the first.