PIL's proudness of DIL being ex teacher - am I just jell ?

[welljells]

Let me start by saying, this is a bit of a humour post and not actually really deep.

HOWEVER- hahah

Parents in law and I have a long, at times difficult history. They've messed up with me, I've messed up with them. Some of it is cultural, some of it is personality clashes. My in laws are super dominant and have a very tight knit family unit with their children, it's been tricky to break away from that and build our own family. On the whole, they're not monsters, but we don't have the best relationship.

BIL has recently got married to a perfectly nice lady who used to be a secondary school teacher, but now works in a corporate job because of the bad treatment and pay of teachers. She taught for 2 years, all secondary.

I have little kids and MIL is always saying how SIL is great with kids, as she is a teacher. She says that she can definitely baby sit my kids if required - as she's a teacher. ( MIL just mentioned this out of the blue, I never asked for baby sitting ).

I've also overheard in laws, when asked what SIL does for a living- telling people she's a teacher, but no longer works in it because of the poor treatment of teachers. All fact. They seem very proud that their DIL is or was a teacher.

Am I going to live the rest of my life with the fact that my in laws praise my SIL for having been a teacher ? Somehow it irrationally annoys me. And I know it's irrational. I'm an accomplished woman with two kids and work my arse off in a corporate role. I never once have heard a nice thing come out of their mouths about me, my career, my parenting - nada. When my kids do something good, they must have picked it up at nursery. I get zero credit for anything.

I started the relationship with my in laws, as a young 20 something woman with a kind heart. They repeatedly showed me I could not trust them. I don't want to drip feed, but they have done and said unkind things about me/ my family.

Anyway, just jell ? Or is it annoying that the being a teacher thing keeps being brought up and praised ?

It’s probably the only thing they feel they can praise?

I can't imagine she's too thrilled that the only thing they're impressed by is something she no longer does!

She can't be that good with kids if she couldn't hack the job.

Being a teacher is the sort of job that everyone understands. They may not know about the additional work that a teacher has to do outside the classroom but they understand the classroom part of the job.

If you have a corporate job, it is less likely that your in-laws understand what you do and the level of responsibility and if you have a poor relationship with them, they will be less likely to be interested in your job.

Often, people think of teachers as primary school teachers, assuming them to have motherly instincts in a way that they wouldn't expect of someone that works with much older children.

I'm sorry. I have similar within my family, and in truth I am ashamed to say it has left me feeling very negative towards a very nice man who has done nothing wrong. I am trying hard to let it wash over me, but it really tough with favouritism within the family (my overly and wonderful DH is definitely bottom of pack, and by association, me and our children - seeing my children ignored is that absolute worse). My mum has been advising me to simply step away and stop making the effort so I can no longer be disappointed, which I think is sound advice, albeit difficult to follow through!

Well they e burned the bridge with you so she’s the shiny new thing on the block. Just let them get on with it. Smile and nod.

And now that they have a new DIL to marvel at, now is the perfect time for you to slip away. Reduce any existing contact, make it clear to your DH that he needs to respond to their messages. See it as SIL can take the in laws off your hands!

They don’t understand what you do or what SIL does but they do understand (somewhat) what a teacher does. They can’t “praise” what they don’t understand.

SIL will be moaning in a few years that they’re still telling people that she used to be a teacher 🙄

Definitely but I'm still the mother of the only current grandkids. I guess once they have kids, it will be different again.

Very true. Good point.

Definitely annoying tbh and as a teacher myself of 14 yrs in secondary, 2 years isn't hardly anything to brag about but I'm.glad she got out when she found it tough.

I'd ignore ur in-laws tbh as she is way more than a former teacher and I would personally dislike my in-laws only identifying me by my full time occupation. Same as some women loathe to be identified as a wife or mother. I wonder if she even knows that's how she is being introduced to others?

Just ignore it imo!

"What does your DIL do?"
"She is a teacher but left because of the terrible pay and conditions."

This is not praise at any level. Its fact. What makes you think it's praise?

I don't know if she knows. It comes up a lot though when I see the in laws or when I am around them. I try not to be around them too much and not to get into too much conversation as it's just better that way for all of us.

You're just looking for things to be annoyed about.

I don't think I'm looking but I think I see reasons easily when they present themselves 😂😂

They sound tiresome and boring OP. Some people are just like that: they seek social status vicariously, not understanding that no-one cares. I used to know someone who always spoke about her friend 'the GP'. I suppose she thought it impressed people that she hung out with a GP. Actually, from what I could tell, she was an object of derision because it was so obvious what she was doing - hanging onto someone else's coat tails by association.

And yes, if I were you I would go low contact with PIL just because they are bores, let alone anything else. Is their Surname Bouquet?

So you don’t really like them but it annoys you that they like someone else? They actually sound like nice people who are proud of their DIL. Maybe they would have been like that with you if you’d not kept them at a distance.

and yes if new DIL is warmer and more welcoming to them then they might well end up closer to her children than yours.

It makes no sense right ?

She's not warmer though tbh.

This, and if only recently married, surely they're just talking about her as in 'Tom and his wife Becky, they're just married, Becky was a teacher'..
Do they talk about BILs job too?

I do think certain professons have a certain status amongst people. Teachers are one of them. But sounds like something you just have to let go that they do this.

Maybe only when you're there as she can sense your disdain for everyone!