PIL's proudness of DIL being ex teacher - am I just jell ?

[welljells]

Let me start by saying, this is a bit of a humour post and not actually really deep.

HOWEVER- hahah

Parents in law and I have a long, at times difficult history. They've messed up with me, I've messed up with them. Some of it is cultural, some of it is personality clashes. My in laws are super dominant and have a very tight knit family unit with their children, it's been tricky to break away from that and build our own family. On the whole, they're not monsters, but we don't have the best relationship.

BIL has recently got married to a perfectly nice lady who used to be a secondary school teacher, but now works in a corporate job because of the bad treatment and pay of teachers. She taught for 2 years, all secondary.

I have little kids and MIL is always saying how SIL is great with kids, as she is a teacher. She says that she can definitely baby sit my kids if required - as she's a teacher. ( MIL just mentioned this out of the blue, I never asked for baby sitting ).

I've also overheard in laws, when asked what SIL does for a living- telling people she's a teacher, but no longer works in it because of the poor treatment of teachers. All fact. They seem very proud that their DIL is or was a teacher.

Am I going to live the rest of my life with the fact that my in laws praise my SIL for having been a teacher ? Somehow it irrationally annoys me. And I know it's irrational. I'm an accomplished woman with two kids and work my arse off in a corporate role. I never once have heard a nice thing come out of their mouths about me, my career, my parenting - nada. When my kids do something good, they must have picked it up at nursery. I get zero credit for anything.

I started the relationship with my in laws, as a young 20 something woman with a kind heart. They repeatedly showed me I could not trust them. I don't want to drip feed, but they have done and said unkind things about me/ my family.

Anyway, just jell ? Or is it annoying that the being a teacher thing keeps being brought up and praised ?

Yes this (I reckon) is the answer. It's like nurse, doctor, police - something to be proud of because everyone (including them) understands what it is. 'Corporate' jobs (btw, I am a teacher and don't know what that means) are a mystery to most.

I would try not to take it personally - your job is probably miles better (esp given she's no longer one) but this is likely to be the reason.

I'm older than they are.

Just sayin'

It's nothing at all to do with age.

He's definitely stood up for me. But sometimes he'll come out with stuff and I can just hear that it's from his mum and then I say 'did your mum say that ?

I suspect what the Op is genuinely upset about is the fact that her husband seems to share the views of his mother

Oh I feel you with this one! My MIL dislikes me. Because I’m the only one in the entire family who knows she’s a narcissist. Over the years she has been beyond difficult and I’ve cried many tears over her. When I had my children she demanded I call her mum. Nah, not happening, I’m not calling someone mum who I am not close to and I do not like. Well her other DIL is playing by the rules! She visits all the time and calls her mum etc even though in the beginning she was equally as cruel to her and made her cry several times. Because she’s playing ball she gets praised and I get compared to her all the time. It is rotten but I know it won’t last. So bite your tongue and keep living your life on your own terms.

🙄 Thousands and thousands of teachers are quitting, because the job can be a nightmare. I know plenty if excellent teachers who have quit, and no doubt gone on to be excellent at other things.

Slight aside, but this thread has reminded me....

When I was fifteen, I was at my best friend's house. The mother was a teacher. Over dinner (I was already on the backfoot because there were items of cutlery that I didn't know what they were for), she said to me, "What do you think you might choose as a career?"

"I don't know really," I said. "I suppose journalism or perhaps advertising or something."

She pursed her lips.

"Well, that's not very good," she said. "You're quite bright. You could do something useful - like teaching."

No, they think they do and they've no clue about even 'the classroom part' i.e. adapting for 30+ individuals, managing behaviour, managing contributions, motivating, explaining, giving instructions, addressing wellbeing, taking into account research and data, checking progress, planning all interactions in minute detail...

Maybe they're just proud because they think it matters or makes a difference.

I would be eye rolling (mentally if not overtly) every time I heard them bang on about this and not putting much store by it. You already know you are bottom of the heap in their eyes and that they have a very superficial assessment of people. Whatever you do, try not to fall out with your SIL as you need your family allies with PIL like that!

I have experienced this from DH family (as has he to be honest).
Our DC were always the last to be invited, they didn't bother with our dc nativity but raved about the others. I had a very professional job which they never understood. I'd been to university which they laughed about.
They changed when the kids became young adults and all the 'favourites' disappeared and got on with their lives. But I could never quite get over it. We invite them over now for some family things, we do Christmas (although there was never room for us at their house with the others) but I feel cold towards them and no longer make an effort. I don't visit them.

@CanelliniBeans what on earth did your DH do over the years when his parents behaved like this to you and his children FGs?!

@gummania mainly made excuses for them. Said they didn't have the benefit of education and were narrow minded which was true.
I tolerate them now, I'm never rude and I don't stop him seeing them but unless it's a big occasion I don't go. I think they regret their attitude towards me and are always extra nice now so I try not to hold a grudge but I just don't feel anything positive towards them. Funnily enough his wonderful db and wife live in another country now and barely see them

My brother in law was dating an Iroquoian princess for a few years. All I heard was how beautiful she was and how clever etc (she was a lawyer). They broke up because she cheated on him but they still sometimes wistfully talk about her.

You never know what she's being told about you - your MIL might be doing the same to her and making her feel resentful about you for something.

Not sure why they’re praising an ex-teacher!
She’s hardly a brain surgeon!

I kind of get it, my dp was a secondary school teacher for a while, but decided to leave and got a job working for the HMRC but I’d still tell people he was a teacher because if I told them what he was currently doing they’d have something negative to say one example is “oh so he’s the one taking all my wages”. Could your sil’s current job receive that sort of response or would people not understand what her role actually was?