PIL's proudness of DIL being ex teacher - am I just jell ?

[welljells]

Let me start by saying, this is a bit of a humour post and not actually really deep.

HOWEVER- hahah

Parents in law and I have a long, at times difficult history. They've messed up with me, I've messed up with them. Some of it is cultural, some of it is personality clashes. My in laws are super dominant and have a very tight knit family unit with their children, it's been tricky to break away from that and build our own family. On the whole, they're not monsters, but we don't have the best relationship.

BIL has recently got married to a perfectly nice lady who used to be a secondary school teacher, but now works in a corporate job because of the bad treatment and pay of teachers. She taught for 2 years, all secondary.

I have little kids and MIL is always saying how SIL is great with kids, as she is a teacher. She says that she can definitely baby sit my kids if required - as she's a teacher. ( MIL just mentioned this out of the blue, I never asked for baby sitting ).

I've also overheard in laws, when asked what SIL does for a living- telling people she's a teacher, but no longer works in it because of the poor treatment of teachers. All fact. They seem very proud that their DIL is or was a teacher.

Am I going to live the rest of my life with the fact that my in laws praise my SIL for having been a teacher ? Somehow it irrationally annoys me. And I know it's irrational. I'm an accomplished woman with two kids and work my arse off in a corporate role. I never once have heard a nice thing come out of their mouths about me, my career, my parenting - nada. When my kids do something good, they must have picked it up at nursery. I get zero credit for anything.

I started the relationship with my in laws, as a young 20 something woman with a kind heart. They repeatedly showed me I could not trust them. I don't want to drip feed, but they have done and said unkind things about me/ my family.

Anyway, just jell ? Or is it annoying that the being a teacher thing keeps being brought up and praised ?

OP, when they were chatting shit about you and your family, did you believe the horrible things they said?

No.

So why place any weight in praise they give?

(I say this with kindness. My ILs are similar)

It sort of sounds like they are insulting her as opposed to praising her. She was a teacher but couldn’t hack it, it’s hardly praise.

I imagine your SIL will annoyed about this pretty quickly.

I hadn't thought about it like that at all. I really don't think they mean any offence by it though.

Although.. my MIL did do something similar to me which really hurt my feeling- I also trained to go into a very specific profession- started it and hated it and did something else and she was talking to my ( very young ) son one day- more like when you talk through a baby to an adult. She said to him something like ' ow I wonder what you'll do when you grow up one day ! Who knows, maybe we will finally have a XX in our family. Maybe you'll make become an XX like your mummy didn't manage to become '.

It came completely out of the blue, for no reason. It's been over 10 years since I ' gave up '. Maybe she enjoys it ? But with SIL it's more like ' we should listen to her opinions on small kids ( under 5 ) because she's a secondary school teacher '..

Are your PIL lefty/academic/champagne socialist types?

I ask because my parents are, and they have always looked down on corporate careers. I worked in the City for several years and did quite well (both in terms of seniority and salary) but they were always a bit embarrassed to tell their friends 😂 whereas they’d speak ever so highly of a friend’s daughter who was starting a third MA in gender studies. Would be a nightmare for most parents, but mine thought it was wonderful (or at least better than working for a bank).

It used to really annoy me, but I honestly think I kind of agree with them now - a lot of corporate jobs are completely pointless (not all of them, of course).

Don’t let the teacher jibes put you off your new SIL - she could become your greatest ally.

I don't think it's a good thing. Who wants to be known by their ex profession they lasted a couple of years in because they couldn't hack it over their amazing career in the London banking sector

ah i know now!

OP if this is the Op i’m thinking about…. your DH is spineless! (and did you get away on that holiday with friends??)

Which holiday do you mean ? Give me more context. I've not been on a holiday with friends

Your MIL is definitely a passive aggressive bitch. I hate people that communicate their bile and vitriol via babies and small children.

What's your MIL's great job?

do you have a 1 and 3 year old?
the holiday was with friends but you were worried about holding them back with your 1 year old

your mil is ghastly
i can’t fathom why you continue to spend so much time with her
i can’t fathom why your dh hasn’t been a heck of a lot more forthright with his parents about being nasty to you and your family.

@gummania no that's not me. My kids are 1 year older than 1 and 3. So not far off. But no holidays with friends either 😢 I wish.

I’m would make friends with your sil, have an ally in the family

Why do you spend so much time with your MIL?

I'm really trying. She can be a bit stand off ish. But I'm trying my best.

you really really don’t want to answer this do you op?

Its confusing that you say how horrible she is and that you’ve broken links… but you seem to be with her extensively

Does she do childcare for you?

I don't really spend that much time with her to be fair. Mostly she wants to see the kids once every couple of weeks and our paths cross when they have to on those occasions.

I keep my head down and just get on with it. And to be fair, most of the time she also does the same and we just get on with it. I don't think either of us want to fight.

Then occasionally she comes out with some dumb / hurtful comment. I tend to believe the best in people and thinks he just can't help herself sometimes. Other times I just think she must hate me to say mean stuff. I think sometimes she's just a bit like a bull in a china shop and doesn't know what she's saying and it's also cultural. Then other times I think she wants to be hurtful. It's not easy.

The only thing is that when I've brought it to her attention, she always spins it around on me. That's how I know it's not very healthy. I grey rock a lot but I do think in general we just try to coexist.

@gummania I was just answering you. Check my last post. She doesn't provide child care.

My last long post is quoting the wrong post. I was trying to describe the contact I have with my MIL and frequency.

It's maybe twice a month, sometimes less and occasionally more ( like during the Christmas period ).

why do you want to even subject your children to her given she even denigrates their achievements and has actually been nasty to you and your family

Your DH seems like very much a passive bystander to everything

How do you know they don't brag about you when you're not around?

You sil has an 'ology' in their minds. They understand that.

My dmum was like this. She never got what I did but did understand the science ologies in our family.

You say about a clash of cultures - in some cultures being a teacher is very respectable. Are they maybe just from a culture such as this?

I bet she tells all the neighbours "My DiL welljells is actually a trained doctor/solicitor/pharmacist you know. I think DGS will take after her"

Hahah welljells 😂😂

Maybe she does, who knows !