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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you could say something out loud you knew you could never say, what would it be?

726 replies

twistandshoutloud · 12/11/2024 20:58

I'll go first.

I wish I could tell my SIL that I dislike her so much and I wish she'd never met my BIL. I hate that she is now part of our family. She came to disrupt our (far from perfect but lovely) family. I hate the way she treats my BIL. I hate how she makes everyone pander to her every whim. How all her messages are passive aggressive and how rude she is to my MIL. I could never say this out loud of course, but I dream of it often.

Feels good getting that out of my chest.

Anyone else feel free to add.

OP posts:
IdylicDay · 14/11/2024 08:17

@BullyBossCoping What a charmed life you have led to have not been SO HURT and SO DAMAGED by someone you would wish them dead. Some of those posters making those comments have been seriously physically and sexually and emotionally abused and neglected by that person. Consider that, instead of being so judgemental from your perfect pollyanna world.

IdylicDay · 14/11/2024 08:24

I can't help but think that BullyBoss is one of the ones people on here are talking about - perhaps even recognises herself - someone who has caused people so much pain and hates the fact they're called out on it. Their name might be a clue.

IdylicDay · 14/11/2024 08:30

Jeneregretterien9 · 13/11/2024 21:58

Same, I find it quite condescending

I used "I hope his letter finds you well" as a greeting in my teens/20s in the 1990s, because we were taught that was a semi-formal and cordial way of properly phrasing a letter to family and friends and acquaintances you knew well.

Didn't know it had fallen out of favour now.

SpaciousHodgePodge · 14/11/2024 08:38

NotColdNotFrozen · 14/11/2024 06:16

You think that teams of highly skilled & experienced hospital consultants apply scientifically documented diagnostic criteria like DSM5 processes to children and get 90% of them wrong?

Could someone please call the Royal College of Psychiatrists and let them know that the extensive body of research and their scientifically documented practices and QB tests are 90% wrong? Someone who has no professional experience has had a brainwave.

Actually, psychiatric diagnoses are notoriously unreliable. In fact, when they did the work on DSM-V even major mood disorders were not diagnosable reliably and didn’t meet the scientific standard set. So they lowered the standard. There is a huge body of evidence that mental health diagnoses are not scientifically valid or reliable. The whole system needs to move away from symptom identity and clustering and instead of asking ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Ask ‘What’s happened to you?’

malificent7 · 14/11/2024 08:49

No ex wife of dh ; it was not appropriate to expect an invite to our wedding

To dad; please be aware that your wife is an immigrant when you spout your anti immigration views.

To my step mum: you are lovely but you will never be my real mum. I don't want you to buy me with gifts, I wanted you to talk to me about my late mum when dad got together with you 5 months after mum's death instead of sending flying monkeys. And my dd isn't cousins with your grandchild.

God...this is catharthic!

Lemonyfuckit · 14/11/2024 08:53

I would say to a particular client: you're completely and utterly unreasonable and demanding and you don't pay our fees properly. You act like you're the absolute best and super innovative and you expect us to say how high the very nano second you say jump - you want gold plated service but you never ever want to pay for it. Every time you demand something it's like you think you're our only client and we're all just sitting around waiting to respond to your stupid questions and demands (often for free) but we have many many other clients and my god we like them so much more, they're so normal and nice compared to you and every piece of work is so much easier. You always express to be 'very surprised' whenever we give you an update on fees even though all our assumptions were busted. You're actually really bad for my mental health, I hate you, you give me anxiety and I wish I never ever had to do any work with you again.

Lemonyfuckit · 14/11/2024 08:54

Ha, this is very cathartic.

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 14/11/2024 09:15

NameChangeForThisThread4 · 13/11/2024 07:47

I did not imagine the abuse.

Thank you. One simple sentence says it all.
We did not imagine the unimaginable.

TinyTear · 14/11/2024 09:21

oh fuck off in your little bubble of self-rightousness. People steal for kicks not just because they are hungry. They aren't eating pens are they?

Lovebirdshatecats · 14/11/2024 09:25

Why do you believe everything a celebrity youtuber tells you about vaccines, weather control, etc and wise up to the fact they are making lots of money when dum asses like you share and repeat their crap.

Stop saying that you have done your research when all you have done is listened to crazies. Get some help.

Lovebirdshatecats · 14/11/2024 09:30

I'm really sorry that you are not comfortable with your body. Lots of people don't like the body they have. However, you cannot change your biological sex no matter how much you pretend you can and no matter how much you force people into your delusion.

Get some mental health help and step away from the outdated stereotyping of what a girl or boy should be.

Lovebirdshatecats · 14/11/2024 09:34

bathofbeans · 12/11/2024 22:59

Stop asking everyone in the room to state their pronouns while you tell us all you are he/him. We can see that you big, hairy arsed, stubble covered twat!!!

😂 you put it so much better than I did.

TeresaMayspants · 14/11/2024 09:34

Linda it’s you! You are the problem you are toxic and manipulative. You aren’t even clever about it. Everyone with half a brain cell can see it. People are only friends with you because of the way you treat “ex friends” it’s the lesser of two evils!

YetAnotherFedUpTeacher · 14/11/2024 09:36

You remember how you famously told all the teachers when your child started in Reception that you were 'unparenting' them at home and didn't want them to ever hear the word "No"? How you wanted to allow them 'complete freedom of expression' and the 'space to develop their individuality'? How you weren't going to 'impose' a bedtime etc on them, instead favouring 'self regulation'?

That is why your child behaves as they do at home now. They don't have ADHD.

Tiredmomma86 · 14/11/2024 10:39

To my toddler who I love more than life itself and a win for the day is him eating a few crisps ‘just eat your fucking food ffs’ 🤣

mrlistersgelfbride · 14/11/2024 11:32

How long have you got?! 😂

All about people I'm related to or see regularly.

"All your problems are your own making and you are the most self-centred self-pitying person I've ever met."

"You're a selfish violent bastard who isn't as great as you think and you were a terrible father and a worse husband. "

"I'm fucking amazed that you have got to your 70s being a such a childish prick. It's a good job you had so many kids to run around you as you are insufferable and a nightmare for everyone to be around".

"You are extremely lazy and narrow minded. I have lost a lot of respect for you recently and I don't agree with how you do things".

"Go to sleep for fucks sake! Raising you is the hardest thing I have ever done and most days I really don't enjoy it at all".

Feel better now 😂

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/11/2024 11:35

Justgoodforthegetting · 12/11/2024 21:05

I wish I could say to my ex “you are a really poor excuse for a gentleman, and you’re not a much better father, our child deserves way better than the half arsed effort you put into parenting them because you’re too selfish to put them first.
I despise you and everything you stand for because you’re a truly awful person, you’re a selfish, emotionally abusive man child and I hate myself for ever thinking it a good idea to have a sweet, innocent child with you.
you’ve turned out exactly the same as your father and your pathetic mother enables your despicable behaviour.
I hope one day you realise what you are”

The thing is though if you didn’t have the child with him, it wouldn’t be them, would it

vivainsomnia · 14/11/2024 11:38

I'm sorry you find things hard and think it's everyone's fault, but the real reason you are struggling is because of you laziness.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 14/11/2024 11:40

I've spent thousands of pounds on therapy to try and recover from what you did to me, and it's not enough. I live in financial penury because I'm too fucked up for anyone to want to marry and live with me, and I can't have children. I have friends but they have their own little families, whereas I'm totally alone. I work all of the hours God sends to try and keep my head above water. Most days, I look forward to death so that I don't have to do this anymore.

Meanwhile, you are millionaires because of inheritances and the property market. You retired two decades early and spend all your time and money on fancy holidays. You have no worries and you get to swan around pretending to be brilliant grandparents. You cut me out of your wills because I'm not producing children. Everyone thinks you're pillars of the community. You have no shortage of friends and support. Every day you spend on living the lives you've chosen for yourselves, pursuing hobbies and making memories, and you're blissfully content.

You are my parents, and you abused your children, but nobody cared because you were wealthy. As the song goes - you deserve prison, but you won't get time.

SapphireSeptember · 14/11/2024 12:06

@Hatandcoatandhymnbooktoo I just want to give you a hug. ❤️

SapphireSeptember · 14/11/2024 12:20

malificent7 · 14/11/2024 05:48

To racist types:
You do realise that the reason why there are black people in the UK/US is that they wete ripped from their home countries, bundled into slave ships and forced to work on tobacco and sugar plantations in horrific conditions ( both products harmful to health so maybe it's karma)?And they are massive cultural contributors with amazing music.
You also realise that the Indian Immigrants you deride are in the UK partly due to the links formed during the Raj when we oppressed an entire nation. Many Indian people work in medicine doing vital jobs which Brits are too lazy or unintelligent to do.

A different issue: perhaps the Tiger Mom had a point: all these gentle parents ...are they producing exemplary musicians or scholars or just gender confused influencers?

Shot me.

Agree with this. There were people from all over the world helping me and my baby DS in the hospital, from when I was admitted the night before he was born, to the operating theatre when I had my c section, to looking after us on the ward, or in SCBU when DS needed antibiotics and a feeding tube. ❤️

Lovelyview · 14/11/2024 12:21

Your bitterness and feeling you don't have enough constrains your life and people will avoid you. Focus on being grateful for what you have and support those less fortunate than you. Spend your days feeling gratitude for the abundance of your life and everything will go so much better for you. (I truly believe this but can never say it because it sounds incredibly smug and patronising)

mymissycat · 14/11/2024 12:24

JudgeJ · 13/11/2024 22:49

Can we say that too about people living in this country? Or is it yet another example of choosing an easy target?

You obviously missed the irony.

NeedToChangeName · 14/11/2024 12:30

Horationor · 13/11/2024 12:11

To my MIL...I will always blame you for not leaving your husband the moment he hit any of your children. You are the reason your children have grown up with hang ups and without knowing what a childhood was. They were abused and you had a choice - there was no excuse. I will always be angry with you and only see you to keep my husband happy.

Domestic abuse is complicated. Sounds like MIL was a victim too. This book might interest you https://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men: Amazon.co.uk: Bancroft, Lundy: 8601300264479: Books

Buy Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Reprint by Bancroft, Lundy (ISBN: 8601300264479) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-5208485-if-you-could-say-something-out-loud-you-knew-you-could-never-say-what-would-it-be

MoonWoman69 · 14/11/2024 13:06

Don't come to me telling me your mother visited you and spent the entire two hours scrolling through videos on her phone, when you've done the exact same thing at mine for the entire weekend. To the point where I've basically been having a conversation with myself 90% of the time you've been here. That was the reason I dropped you off and came straight home instead of coming in for a coffee... I was pissed off, exhausted and needed my stress free space back.
I do love you, but your constant family drama stories are exhausting, along with your own health dramas. I don't want to know every in and out, no, I don't want to feel your chin, or that lump behind your ear and I don't want to be interrupted with one of your stories when I'm trying to share anything of mine.
And I'd rather none of my issues, of which there are surprisingly few, are discussed and picked over by your mother and your other friend, who you claim to only just tolerate. (I have never met her, but she sounds like an absolute nightmare too!)
You wallow in your ill health, which can drag me down all too easily. Have you not noticed I switch off and don't react when you get upset about things? That's never been me, but that's how you've made me.
You have always been an attention seeker, but this is getting worse. And I have little tolerance for it now time has gone on. Especially when in the grand scheme of things your health issues aren't actually limiting enough that you can't get out and do things that other people with the same "diagnoses" actually can't. It looks to me like you're disabled when it suits you.
You cry poverty, living on benefits, but you then buy useless clothes and shoes, which considering you very rarely go anywhere to wear them, are a waste of money.
You see how my family life runs and that I am fortunate to be treated a lot by my husband and now it's come to a point where I think you expect the same from him. Believe me, he's noticed. He's paid for everything this weekend. Food, drinks, taxis... Not once have you offered to put your hand in your pocket. Even though my husband would refuse, which he would, it would be really nice if you at least offered. He asked me quietly in the kitchen who paid for the food one evening, when I said he did, although he never said anything, he didn't look too impressed.
You have always been resentful of anyones wealth or privilege. Your mantra is "why can't I have that?" Probably because you've never put the hard work in to achieve anything. You point out the price of anything nice you have ever been bought. Everything is about money with you. Trust me, we're not rolling in it, but we're comfortable.
I don't mind hosting anyone, I love it, but you're now starting to take the piss. The thing is, you knew about this weekend months before, yet brought little money with you to pay for anything much. You can afford needless too regular beauty top ups, hair, nails, eyes etc, but can't put money aside for a long planned weekend?
I come and stay at yours and it's always my husband providing the money for our food. You come here and it's still the same! Perhaps I've made a rod for my own back, treating you because I've always been in the better position. More fool me, as now it's the norm.
I think this is the start of the long fade. Like I've said, I do love you, but the expectant sponging is becoming a real issue for me.

Bloody hell I needed that!!! Thanks OP! 💐