SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

@SacreBleugh don’t equate work in a workplace with those of us having no option but to step back from a career because we have no other choice.

Yeah my SIL had her parents be free childcare. I think my SIL was savvy enough to avoid parenthood.

This is just ridiculous. Looking after your own children and cleaning is STILL work, of course it is. You may not be paid for it, but it’s still your second job regardless. Unless you really do have a dh that does 50% then you have a full time job and a part time job with dh.

I wish women would start waking up to this fact! It is a job paid or not.

Is the share of it my DH does a job too? He does his share.

That's interesting. I'd resent being put down as a housewife or homemaker. I don't work but that douesnt mean I'm a housewife.

How would you describe someone who was unable to work due to disabilities?

Yes

That's exactly my point. You not getting a paycheque for that work doesn't change that it is work, and it doesn't decrease the value of it.

Looking after your own children and cleaning your own house is what the vast majority of people do, most people do it around working

If you read threads on here, you will see that IMO the majority of women find juggling full time or even part time work and childcare and cleaning very hard, exhausting, tiring, there are high rates of depression and anxiety, people take pills and life doesn't feel rewarding.

I think it is probably the least optimum state to be in- to be a full time working mum and do all the household stuff (with tiny amount of help from partners). Being a single or lone parent is all kinds of exhausting.

Running a household and doing childcare is tiring and a job. It may not be a whole job for 40 years, but there's no need to make out it's 'nothing', otherwise what are all those tired exhausted working mums doing posting on here?

If you paid someone to cook, clean, garden, do the laundry and look after dc you are talking in the region of £60/70k a year here minimum. That is £60k of work you are doing for free.

You are annoyed because you think she is comparing herself to you and thinks she is the same when she is not. You feel like you’ve had a much harder time.

It might be she’s not comparing herself to you at all. I guess what else would she call it?

When you are the sole parent it’s a lot of work.

Retired from what though?

Unless you really do have a dh that does 50% then you have a full time job and a part time job with dh.

Not from the UK, but even my 75-year old mum and dad would find it extraordianary how UK men seem to be missing a gene or three. So very far behind, and women even accept it.

No it isn’t. It’s just what you do as an adult with responsibilities.

I’ve been working in a ‘hobby type jobs’ for 18 years since ds turned 5. I work damn hard. I’m a bargain since I work for a non profit and keep my hours lower but produce twice the work so they don’t have to pay me as much. When I stop working I will be Retired!! How many hours do you deem people to work a week before they can consider themselves retired when they stop work? And what about the 18 years I worked full time Before having DS? Get over yourself!!

well yes pensioner if they have never worked. Retired or pensioner if they have. Retired generally refers to people who were in paid employment

Its not work because im happy to do it for no money

The same way I can play the piano pretty damn well but i'm not a professional pianist because i just play for the pleasure of it, i don't want paying. It's a hobby.

It doesn't really matter. A typical sahm to older school age kids does fewer hours of work (including child/house related work), and far more hours of leisure, than a typical working parent doing 35 hours a week paid employment and fitting in the housework evenings and weekends.

I think of retirement as leaving the workforce. If you have never been in the work force or have not worked for years then you have nothing to 'retire' from. Don't give me that women have been a SAHM all their lives when they have had adult DC for many years. I would be annoyed too OP it downplays the role of working and then finishing forever.

I hate these threads bashing SAHM. So goady. If you pay for a cleaner and pay for childcare then you are paying for someone to do a job. You are not looking after your children whilst you are working, you are paying someone else to. I hate it when people
pretend they’re just extra amazing and doing both.

Maybe if it was properly recognised as being fundamentally important to society then Men would be jumping over themselves to be recognised for their success at it. As we’ve got it now; women dismissing the value of our own unpaid labour really helps the patriarchy continue to out earn us because only ‘their’ work is the one that counts. Us growing & raising future citizens, tax payers and employees means diddly squat so come on ladies, just do that in your spare time whilst climbing the greasy pole. And of course berate other women that choose a different version of equality for themselves. Meanwhile we squabble on mumsnet thinking this is what equality is. I despair!

What do you put then - unemployed?

My Mil has worked a total of 4 years in her life. She's over 80. How should she describe herself if not retired ? Plain old? I think Sil os correct to describe herself as retired but I would probably have asked her "I thought you were retired a long time ago? Have you been working as an undercover agent for all these years?"

The thing is if you choose to have 4 children, it's going to be a very hard and expensive road no.matter what you do, and you will get no applause.

Look after the house!! Working women have to look after the house just as much, but they have to fit it around working and commuting! I suppose the people who never work again after they have kids, even when the kids are long gone, would say that they're looking after the house, which is a cop-out. People who don't work and don't have young children are just lazy.

Well people aren’t going to start a thread saying how much they aren’t struggling, are they? People tend to start threads on here when they are struggling.

I work FT with 3 children and don’t find it particularly hard and I’m not depressed at all. Some days are obviously harder than others, it can also be tiring at times too but overall? It’s great and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

role models

If you’re not from the uk why as you assuming every other poster, are only from the uk Anyone can comment on MN from around the world, just like you are.