Discovered payment to Only fans on husband's credit card

[Arabellia]

I was going through the App on my partner's phone for the credit card we took out a couple of years ago to pay for some large items and I discovered a payment to Onlyfans.com*D GBR for £4.74 then a foreign exchange conversion charge then the "OF" logo and a payment for £18.88.

There's nothing else suspicious on there and it was back in June. WTAF! He's been paying to watch some young woman hasn't he?

He was very cagey when I asked to see the credit card statements to see how much interest we had paid and changed the pin on his phone.

Aibu to ask him to leave over this? I'm so upset, I hate these sleazy sites and the opportunity they offer to weak, pathetic men (obviously men like my husband now).

does OF have site content that’s not half naked/naked women? I’d just ask him outright and calmly what he’s been watching on OF.

i don’t think it needs to be a big row. Just ask

I truly don’t understand why people pay to look at these sites, pretty sure you can see exactly the same and more for free, as to whether you should ask him to leave , it depends on what else has happened to make you feel the way you do about him doing this, if anything

Bored, curious, heard folk make thousands and wanted to see what the big deal was?

Sounds like it was once. No need for hysterics- just ask him!

If something like this could trigger you ending the relationship, I have to ask whether it's already rocky? Because it's the modern equivalent of ogling Sam Fox in the 1970s.

You write so much...if not good get rid...too much drama))

Context is everything. Do you have a happy sex life? Many couples don't for a simple reason: women start to lose interest in sex as 40 nears. Please don't scold me for saying so, because it is true. I will not comment on men's lack of imagination here.

Yes, I'd be put out and upset but definitely not worth ending a relationship over.

Would you end the relationship if it was back in the page 3 days and he was buying the sun?
Plus it's not just adult xxx stuff on there in fact OFs are actively trying to get rid of adult providers

If it's any consolation, I was looking at some site where a woman was doing up her campervan. It led me to OF and they definitely weren't photos of her campervan (unless that a new term for it!)

I don't know how OF works - is it a payment to follow someone (equivalent of having a favourite 'model') or requesting they do or say something specifically for you?

Either way I wouldn't be impressed, and far less if it was a personalised 'service'.

Is it the paying or the actual content you object to?

Cos tbh, if you think he’s never watched prn on places like prnhub etc for free, then imma need to hold your hand while I tell you something 😬

Have you ever explicitly told him that you would have a problem with those kind of sites, the marriage ending kind of consequences because that is a big grey area for a lot of people and a lot to end a marriage over if he was unaware.

Now i’m not saying you’re wrong for your feelings or wanting to blow your lid but a one off OF nose, seems like maybe something you should sit down and discuss.

Lots of OF have subscriptions so if he hasn’t signed up for one, it does appear to be an isolated incident, heck, morbid curiosity has meant there would be a smirk from me if you ever combed my bank statements 🤣🤣🤣

We also don’t know the additional ins and outs of your relationship and if he’s an alright decent bloke and this is the first “sordid” thing in 20 years of marriage or if it’s the latest in a long line of things of a 2 year marriage, which will have a massive bearing.

If it makes your skin crawl and you want to tear him a new one then so be it and have him sleeping on the sofa grovelling for a month but I doubt anyone would think you’re a doormat if you worked through it!

This would depend for me on what exactly it was he paid for. I don't know how OF works, was it a one off payment to view someone's profile or was it a one off payment for someone to do something he has specifically requested?
Men watch porn and tbh that doesn't really bother me but the more personal aspect of it would be more of an issue for me than just paying for a nosey on someone's profile. You definitely need to ask him.

😂

Oh do be quiet, lots of women enjoy sex long after 40 - and long after their men start struggling to get it up.

Think I’d have to divorce him for being so thick as to pay for porn when you can get it for free on loads of sites frankly. Couldn’t be married to an idiot.

Sounds like a month sub to view her general page and then a further payment for something more personal

Context is everything.
Have you asked him about it?
In my opinion it's just the same as watching/looking at porn, how do you react when he does that? To be honest, from what I've heard, it isn't just women on their advertising their services. I know gay men that have subscriptions. I also know of women who have subscribed to content from guys baking naked. Theres something for everyone by the sounds of it 🤣

I would ask him about why he felt he had to hide it. If it's a simple as looking at half naked women, why can't he tell you? Maybe he knows how negatively you will react?

I wouldn't ask him to leave over it, he hasn't cheated on you.

OF is not the same as looking at free porn though. When you watch a random vid or look at a random picture you’re not interacting with that person. OF is personal. They can interact, message, request things. Why else would they spend money when it’s free elsewhere? It’s not the same at all and not ok in my book.

Hugs. I’d be seething ! Confused and angry. Just how I am. But I hope you can ask him calmly and if he gets all defensive and refuses to answer I’d not accept that . I’d not be able to tolerate him being rude ! You deserve the respect of him giving you an answer . if he won’t give you an answer and you can’t communicate with him about this - I would be questioning the relationship!

You know only fans isn’t just sex based stuff? It is for other people as well. Chefs for example are on there, making videos about cooking etc

Do you not realise that it's direct contact with people? As in personalised messages / videos etc. It's not regular porn or page 3 as a PP suggested.

Op I'm not sure what planet people are on about the content but of course it's something seedy.

I left my DP of 7 years over this. People advised me to work through it but I couldn't get over the disrespect, he actually disgusted me. It was very painful but the right decision, I am so much happier now.

If it was a one off maybe couples therapy would help depending on how you feel.

No, it really isn’t