Discovered payment to Only fans on husband's credit card

[Arabellia]

I was going through the App on my partner's phone for the credit card we took out a couple of years ago to pay for some large items and I discovered a payment to Onlyfans.com*D GBR for £4.74 then a foreign exchange conversion charge then the "OF" logo and a payment for £18.88.

There's nothing else suspicious on there and it was back in June. WTAF! He's been paying to watch some young woman hasn't he?

He was very cagey when I asked to see the credit card statements to see how much interest we had paid and changed the pin on his phone.

Aibu to ask him to leave over this? I'm so upset, I hate these sleazy sites and the opportunity they offer to weak, pathetic men (obviously men like my husband now).

Hey this is all entertainment to me, but maybe that's because I don't get paid to read messages, still not understanding why your here though??
You could be getting £20 per sub message right??? This is just bad business for you

I'm a lady. About 3 months ago was scammed and lots of payments came out to only fans.. I've never used it or been near anything like it.

My bank refunded them all.

Could be totally innocent.

Are you skint babe because you seem really stuck on this twenty quid? Do you want a tap or are you just trying to have the last word because your life is unfulfilling?

I've had better sex and more of it since hitting 40 last year than ever before! I can't see me losing interest for a long time yet. If I remember rightly, women actually hit their sexual peak in their early 40s, probably an evolutionary thing to get us to reproduce quickly before menopause hits.

It all depends on how he deals with it. For me if he made an error of judgement and recognises that then fine. If he is defensive or shifts the argument onto you for looking at his phone, then that's a real problem. If you are commited to one a other there's no need for secrets and that should definitely be a boundary. You are a team. One half can't go spending time ogling only fans.

You need to find out what his explanation is and what his future realistic plans are.

This has been an interesting read. The idea that one needs to be assured that all porn is ‘ethical’ before one accepts it is ridiculous. Does that mean those same people never travel on a plane because we can’t be assured the travel industry is ethical or no one buys from Boohoo or Shein (I actually don’t but I buy from Primark on occasion). And what about those Nike trainers? Most industries exploit humans and our environment in some way, but when it comes to porn it’s a different/higher standard, judging from this conversation. I think the reality is there are people that will never accept it because the idea of their OH being interested in sex with other people is upsetting to them/us.

Thats fine, but I’m not sure why we don’t own it rather than pretending it’s simply to protect other women.

As for the OP the man changed his pin so it implies he was trying to hide something from you. That further implies if it’s about OF that he knows you wouldn’t approve. Is he guessing or did you have the conversation? If you had the conversation and it gives you the ick then yes divorce. If you never had the conversation divorce seems harsh but you also have to do what is right for you.

Oh and I’m 49 my husband cannot keep up with me. Sex daily would be great but I’m restricted to 3-4 days a week. That fourth day is sometimes all by myself 😉. Sorry but I truly believe my hormones are not the determining factor on whether I want sex. I believe there are various contributing factors. I also believe that scientific studies (and therefore facts) about women’s health are so far behind that the old ‘it’s your hormones’ trope has probably not been réinvestigated for decades - happy to be corrected if there has been a more recent paper (preferably not sponsored by the pro HRT).

Op I think the conversation got derailed a little. Personally only fans would be a deal breaker for me. First he's paying for sex which I fundamentally disagree with. Second he's interacting via a webcam with another woman for sex. Doesn't matter she's a 'pro'.

This thread is like when's reality TV show kicks off over night and everyone wakes up wondering what happened.

The problem with debates like this is they are governed by personal views at least as much as experience. A pro is more likely to be very very careful about STI because this is her living. I am 88, have been married three times, lived with four other partners and wives and still see escorts about once a week. The only time I ever caught anything was from an 18 year old stripper 52 years ago.

On what basis do you state I am promoting the use of trafficked women? Or indeed why I pay women at all?

You have zero idea who I see. In fact they are all English or Welsh. I fact I never paid for sex in my life till I was over 70 and without a sexual partner,

Keep your prejudices and total ignorance about my situation to yourself.

Whoops, 1980s then. Long time ago.

See there you go being shit at reading people online again. I'm starting to think you have zero subs 🤔
Like I said before, go get some money hun, your nudes won't sell themselves 😬

dont get me wrong. I wasn’t happy about it. At all. esp as he paid. I just wasn’t prepared to end my marriage over it as I know realistically I know I’m not going to find a man who doesn’t watch porn. And he was honest about it. It’s hard.
dont hate that about yourself that you’d be cross, thats normal!

You? I was talking to that punter who was posing as a sex worker.

You may be surprised to know that your personal experience is not the sum total of all human experience. Personal experience doesn't mean anything. Anecdotes aren't evidence towards a general claim of fact.

Jerry! Jerry! I can't quite see Springer doing an episode titled; "High Class Courtesans and Their Gentleman Callers" but I kind of wish he had.

Thank you . I think it’s refreshing to think that this is his problem not yours !! It’s no reflection on you but him . It’s very important he was honest xxx take care xx