Please tell me that I am being very oversensitive / paranoid - friends post on fb

[Hisaronu1234]

Ok so the reason I am writing on here is past experiences asking for advice/venting on this platform has always resulted in ‘tough love’ borderline nasty comments telling me to get over myself , and I naturally feel I need telling this about this throwaway social media post that I am 90% certain I am being overly sensitive about..

Cut a long story short, I rarely post on FB, but I have a super cute Christmassy/wintery themed photo of my darling dogs who I adore, and in fear of being extremely biased, they are quite possibly the most beautiful dogs you will ever set your eyes on ( 2 little white bichon Frise’) who pose for the camera like film stars, I have no children as of yet and they are unapologetically my world.

I came across this photo on my phone earlier and decided to post it as a new profile picture.

One of my old school/childhood/oldest friends, who I am not very close to now due to our lives taking very different paths ( she had 3 kids at a young age, married young, never really worked) , I’m more of a party girl/ holidays/ career (, but more of a work to live than a ‘career girl’) but we were quite close when we were kids, and know each other’s families well etc, have not necessarily fell out just kind of drifted apart, she would probably say I don’t bother with her , but I will argue it takes 2 to stay in touch and I did make efforts, (PS we are both 30).

Anyways, about an hour after I changed my profile pic, she then posts a selfie of her with her puppy who is a cutie, which is a lovely pic, however I couldn’t help but notice there was a status on the profile pic that read ‘seeing as we seem to be at the age of having pets as profile pics, ill start steady with this one’’

I cant help but feel it was a dig towards me, go on MN community do what you do best and tell me to get over myself/grow up ETC.

Don Miguel Ruiz- The 4 agreements

#1 don't take anything personally

Honestly - I cannot recommend this chapter of this book more highly. It is freeing to understand that whatever other people do- it's not about us.

I quite agree. What a mean spirited and bitchy thing to do.

There are quite a lot of people on this thread criticising OP for assuming her friend has bad intentions while simultaneously making the worst possible assumptions about OP’s intentions. Just something to consider…

Why mention any of it at all, when it seems completely irrelevant?

The difference is that the friend's post was very neutral/benign, while the OP's comments about her friends lifestyle were highly loaded.

Big difference.

‘seeing as we seem to be at the age of having pets as profile pics, ill start steady with this one’’

Read this out twice.

1. Once in a snide sarcastic voice,
2. and once in a friendly jolly cheery voice.

Two very different meanings to the same words.
You are automatically applying the first meaning, but it simply may not be meant that way. Also. try to recognise when you use the first voice when reading texts.

It's tricky and I do sympathise as I also have someone from the past who has not scrupled to make snide comments. But nowadays, I just don't care what she thinks...and I have really reduced FB posts now anyway. Sometimes people think they are being really funny and amusing, but as they are not professional comics, they can widely miss the mark and all they deserve is a massive eye roll.

Personally I don't think she was even thinking about you in any depth at all, saw you posting some dogs, thought That's a good idea, I'll post my dog, maybe lots of people will and it will start a trend. Posted it after hardly thinking at all and certainly not thinking "I know how to really wind OP up and show how little I think of her dogs" I sincerely cannot believe anyone would be crass enough to do that. She is probably totally focussed on herself and her own interests.

If anything, she's a copy cat, which is a kind of compliment in a way. She thought your idea was good enough to copy.

I think that you are concerned about this because you are quite sensitive probably because of the way you've been treated in the past and perhaps this person hasn't always been nice to you in the past. And that is OK (to be sensitive) but you are allowing her to live rent free in your head now and that is harming you and making you feel even more insecure, when you don't need to be, Its always easier said than done to recommend just shrugging it off... but I think in this case you have to tell yourself firmly not to give this a moments more headspace.
The response to that post is to give your lovely little dogs a big cuddle and a treat and take them for a brisk Autumn walk and think nothing more of this other person. They just don't count. There's a way in FB privacy settings so they see less of your posts and you see less of hers.

I haven't voted because I don't think unreasonable or reasonable is the right description here. You feel how you feel

Are you "assuming " it's a dig at you.

As in I've got children and a cute dog ?

Thereby, implying she's got the lot.

This is exactly what I mean - you’re assuming OP’s comments were loaded when it’s also perfectly possible to read them as simply an illustration (albeit perhaps clumsily expressed) of the ways in which their lives have diverged.

Its such a common theme on mumsnet to assume ludicrously malevolent motives on the part of an OP, but there’s usually a much more reasonable explanation.

Just like OP is somewhat silly to assume her friend’s comment were a dig at her when there are perfectly reasonable alternate explanations, it’s silly to assume OP is being deliberately judgmental and unkind when alternative explanations exist.

I think her message is trying to be funny and self deprecating if anything.

Are you for real? 😂

Delete social media

Honestly, this kind of extreme overthinking is unhealthy and social media won't be helping

I doubt if it was a dig. How you interpret it is your responsibility.

Nah! There's no dig there. She's sharing a whimsical fantasy about 30-somethings giving up on relationships with human beings and focusing on their pets. A 'ha ha' would be a suitable response from you.

Yeah, we get that. Just not sure what relevance it has to whether YABU or not.

She's just an old friend you don't keep in touch with much these days. We don't need to know both your life histories since school to take a view on this.

But having provided us with this info, it sounds as if you think she might feel slightly inadequate for having settled down so young, compared to you. So you are looking for some sort of sign that her post was a sly dig at you, as her way of compensating for that? Although quite how/why you've drawn that conclusion based on what she said is anyone's guess. I think you are looking for something that simply isnt there.

It's not a dig, and probably nothing to do with you

It's not a dig, but she is jealous of your life I'd say. Probably living vicariously.

I had 3 children in 4 years and I worked. It absolutely is possible. It is completely immaterial to this thread how many kids she had and whether she is a high flying executive or a SAHM. She’s posted on FB you’ve taken offence. The path you each have taken is, immaterial.

When I said that three OP's weren't likely to be the most beautiful dogs in the world, it wasn't meant as a dig.

I remember when I had my PFB that I knew, beyond a doubt, that she was the most beautiful baby ever, in the history of the world.

Looking back, I can see that she was just a baby.
😂

You're wildly overthinking this - even if it is about you, why on earth are you reading it as a dig? Can you explain your thinking a bit? If it was a dig why would she change her picture to a dog same as you?

It is immaterial, but I think it's clear from the OP that she is at the very least prone to overthinking!

You're being silly. Grow up.

FFS OP, you clearly have too much free time 😂 No - its no judgemental, you are tho, esp about her life, maybe thats why youre not close anyway - she sussed you out 😬. Also, sidenote - does anyone post on Fb anymore?! The only people i know are all way older than the OP...Anyway, stop overthinking OP. AND your dogs are not the most beautiful dogs... Bichon Frise?! Stop it. My two however......

YABU.

Also, Bichon Friche are most certainly NOT the most gorgeous dogs I will set my eyes on...quite possibly one of the ugliest dogs I will set my eyes on

Blimey, they're not that bad.
No need for comments like this.

Anyone want to see a picture of my cat?

See I think it was a dig but I’m an overthinker with massive anxiety

You obviously don't like her (from the 'kids when young/has never worked' comment) - so why do you care? In fact, why are you even FB friends?
Honestly, I can't be doing with all this social media nonsense, second guessing what people mean, agonising over stuff, staying in contact with people you don't like. Life's too short.