Please tell me that I am being very oversensitive / paranoid - friends post on fb

[Hisaronu1234]

Ok so the reason I am writing on here is past experiences asking for advice/venting on this platform has always resulted in ‘tough love’ borderline nasty comments telling me to get over myself , and I naturally feel I need telling this about this throwaway social media post that I am 90% certain I am being overly sensitive about..

Cut a long story short, I rarely post on FB, but I have a super cute Christmassy/wintery themed photo of my darling dogs who I adore, and in fear of being extremely biased, they are quite possibly the most beautiful dogs you will ever set your eyes on ( 2 little white bichon Frise’) who pose for the camera like film stars, I have no children as of yet and they are unapologetically my world.

I came across this photo on my phone earlier and decided to post it as a new profile picture.

One of my old school/childhood/oldest friends, who I am not very close to now due to our lives taking very different paths ( she had 3 kids at a young age, married young, never really worked) , I’m more of a party girl/ holidays/ career (, but more of a work to live than a ‘career girl’) but we were quite close when we were kids, and know each other’s families well etc, have not necessarily fell out just kind of drifted apart, she would probably say I don’t bother with her , but I will argue it takes 2 to stay in touch and I did make efforts, (PS we are both 30).

Anyways, about an hour after I changed my profile pic, she then posts a selfie of her with her puppy who is a cutie, which is a lovely pic, however I couldn’t help but notice there was a status on the profile pic that read ‘seeing as we seem to be at the age of having pets as profile pics, ill start steady with this one’’

I cant help but feel it was a dig towards me, go on MN community do what you do best and tell me to get over myself/grow up ETC.

Admit it, OP- you were!

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

And, you're both 30, you say?
Both of you sound rather emotionally immature.

Even if if was a dig, say she's a total cow, did it purely to upset you....

Why do you care? You said yourself you have both grown apart. Why do you care what opinion this woman has of you?
Observe her post, move on, get on with your day. It literally doesn't matter?

Social media does weird things to people.

None of it was relevant to your question though.

And you were very clearly inviting negative judgement. The things you mentioned about her weren't neutral - they were very loaded.

Saying someone has never really worked is a really loaded thing to say.

The friend sounds fine. The OP however....

So strange. I can’t see how you would leap to the idea that this was “a dig”. on the contrary I would think it was more of a “oh how cute I want to do that too” thing. Do you generally think the worst of your friends?

What an ginormous load of navel gazing.

OP, "stating facts" isn't an automatic defense against appearing judgemental, especially when the facts you choose to tell us about the person have no real relevance to the situation. You might not have intended it that way but I can see why @Nerdles picked it up.

When someone throws in a bit of information about someone's lifestyle/life choices that has no relevance to the post or to the conversation, it's because they are inviting the listener to judge the person they are talking about.

I agree. None of that paragraph about the friend not really working and OP being more career focused is at all relevant to this fb profile picture.

Having your pet as your profile photo is more of an over 50s thing.

MN has taught me that an awful lot of people assume the worst possible intentions, and interpret very mundane, inoffensive things as 'digs'.

I think there's usually an element of projection going on. They know that if they were to post/say/do the same thing, it would probably be a dig, therefore they assume the same motivation of others. People who are passive aggressive, constantly compare themselves to others in a sort of weird hierarchy, and see other people primarily as competitors assume that everyone else is like that too.

It's enlightening that in her own post the OP has made a very blatant dig at her 'friend', but strenuously denies it.

Are you feeling insecure about some of your choices? You mention no kids yet and being more of a party girl, work to live. The only way I can it as a dog is I’d felt insecure about something. Otherwise, it’s true. I’m mid 30s and profile pics for my friends are sometimes them with kids and or dogs just their kids and or dogs. There’s people I went to school with who I wouldn’t recognise if I tripped over them in the street because their profile picture is their daschunds.

Right!! I’m only a year younger than OP and she’s bleating on like my mum.

OP log off and get out in the world, you’re so young!! You sound so paranoid and judgemental, genuinely you need to get out and live life. This is all so small town.

And this is how social media has a negative effect on people

At most she noticed your pic and decided to do the same, making a jokey comment that it might be a trend. I can't see how it could be deemed offensive even if it was aimed at you. There's every chance it wasn't as she's probably got thousands of other FB friends who might have dog pictures.

If I were you I'd like her comment and say something light-hearted like 'maybe this is our dog profile era!' And take it in the light-hearted way it was almost certainly intended.

Do you really think your dear friends would be plotting to upset you and make digs about you based on a photo of your dog? It seems pretty far fetched to be honest.

You've got to realise that people don't care deeply enough most of the time about you or your dog on Facebook. They are way more interested in their own lives. Nobody either hates or adores any of it.

So vein and sensitive you think it's a slight on you. UABU.

I think rather than a dig, it’s more a joining in ‘me too’ thing. You inspired her to do the same.

Honestly, let it go. There's no reason for what this person might or might not think of you to matter to you.

How can it be construed as a dig or as criticism? I really can't see anything negative in what she said.

I asked my dog..

As an aside, my mum does this a lot.

She is very judgemental and negative about other people. Even complete strangers, she's never happier than when she's judging someone for wearing the wrong clothes, or not meeting whatever bizarre standards she has set this week.

But she also consistently interprets the most inoffensive comments as digs and insults. She will kick off in a big way at the most benign comment about something trivial, because she will assume that the speaker was being passive aggressive, or trying to be nasty in an underhand way.

Total projection.

Doesn't sound like a dig. More like a witty way of saying she's jumping on the pets as profile pics band wagon / taken inspiration from her friends profile pics and captioned to say she's hoping on the trend. I couldn't take offence to this.

I’m more of a party girl/ holidays/ career (but more of a work to live than a ‘career girl’)

You’re a career girl, but not one with a career 😂

Your post is bizarre! Lots of irrelevant detail. Basically you both have dog pictures as your profiles like lots of other people, yes?

Yeh, I sort of read it as a bit of a dig. I wouldn't take it personally. It might be a hot topic of convo IRL or she's noticed a lot of people changing their pics to their pets (so harder to image search the person?), although I might post a message on her page " 😂 copycat! Beat you to it. Changed my profile pic to my beauties x days ago".

Nice stealth boast about your own dogs by the way 😜