To think my daughter is absolutely developmentally appropriate, and it's other children being encouraged to grow up quickly?

[WhyCantTheyJustBeKids]

I've name-changed for this.

I'll start this thread by qualifying my experience with children. I've worked with children for 20 years. Teaching, social work, and various roles between the two. So I've worked with lots of children, and I'm not a stranger to the idea they're all different. However...

My daughter is 7 this month. She has always been developmentally advanced, meeting all milestones quite early. I say this confidently as my older child did not. She's socially quite sophisticated with a lot of emotional intelligence. Academically bright, too.

She plays with dolls, a toy kitchen, teddies, reads a range of books from chapter books to Julia Donaldson. What she'd really love for her birthday is a Barbie dreamhouse. I've been seeing increasing numbers of posts, mainly on FB, from people with similar aged children, asking what the best skincare is for their child, or listing off the beauty or fashion type items they're getting for Christmas.

We just saw Disney on Ice for her birthday treat - we do this every year, and she dresses up. I had a couple of comments from people I know, amounting to her being a bit old to still dress up. Elsewhere, I'd commented that she wants a Barbie house for her birthday, and someone suggested it was unusual. I'm paraphrasing. But in short, I'm being told she's babyish really.

In my eyes, she's totally developmentally appropriate. I don't comment on what others are doing with their children, even though I do think 7/8/9 is a bit young for things like skincare. So I'm not sure why comments happen the other way. She's still little, acts little, and enjoys the things you expect a little girl to enjoy. That means that while she's starting to watch some grown up stuff, she also still enjoys watching Bluey.

So am I being unreasonable not to be encouraging my daughter to behave older? Am I keeping her "babyish?"

She's still a little child, she sounds just what a 7 year old girl should be

Of course your seven year old wants to play with toys and dress up. She's a little girl and all that's entirely appropriate for her. I wasn't very doll-oriented at her age - I had one or two, but I was mostly into books and a couple of years later, pretty stationery. Skincare wasn't on my radar beyond soap and a dab of moisturiser during cold weather and nor did it need to be. Your daughter is fine as she is and it would be a terrible shame for her to be bounced into adolescence prematurely.

A parent of a 6 year old told me this week that her child doesn’t play with toys anymore… just plays xbox. I’m not generally judgy but it did shock me. How does a 6 year old not play with toys anymore?!

You are 100% in the right. 7-year-olds should be playing with toys. Recently I heard someone say that their 8-year-old had outgrown imaginative play. I was shocked by that. Not surprisingly, that child has a phone and is glued to a screen for hours each day.

I can't understand parents who push their children into adult interests and activities, while at the same time restricting developmentally appropriate freedom and independence. Not to sound alarmist about it, but these parents are genuinely damaging their children. And they probably won't even realise it until their children have grown up.

As an aside, I loathe the skincare trend among younger and younger girls. It is yet one more message being sent to girls that they must place a high value on their appearance, that they need to look a certain way and devote time (and money) to achieve that goal or they will be seen as inferior. Ugh.

God this post has really scared me. I’m watching my 2 year old and thinking she may be asking for skincare and make up in less than 5 years is terrifying 😭😭😭

I was still playing with my sylvanian families at 7!

My daughter has just turned 7 and is exactly as you describe yours. Plays with Barbie, loves dressing up and is watching Bluey as we speak.

@Wilfrida1 but can't you see, you're judging the one who doesn't like (or pretends not to!) dolls as being 'more mature'.

it's nothing to do with maturity.

Oh wow, I’m pregnant with a girl, is this what it will be like? I pray for a ‘tomboy’ although I hate that phrase.

I'd heard of the Tiktok trend of 10/11 year olds doing the skincare thing and I was shocked at that, never mine 6/7 year olds doing it. That is insane.

My daughter is 10 years older than your daughter - what you have described was what it was like when my daughter as 7. Amazing how much has changed in 10 years

I'm 46, and I'd quite like a Playmobil zoo for myself NOW, truth be told...

I played with toys until my mid teens (of course, I hid this from my friends 😂)
I’d still play with toys now if it was socially acceptable!

So many people are desperate for their children to grow up, but it's good to hear of a child who still enjoys imaginative play and is just being a child. 😬

My 8 year old still likes Barbie, never asked for skincare, she does like make up but the sort of crap you get from Claires, more about the packaging. She wants some clothes for Xmas but she will definitely want toys too.

My daughter is 9. She has a huge dolls house still. She's had it for about 4 years. Still plays with it daily, of course she wants a phone and be glued to a screen, but I don't like that. My daughter has a fantastic imagination and can create amazing written stories. I believe free play is a big part of that. She does sometimes wear eye shadow and we are looking at face wash products as she's getting some spots from hormonal changes. Nothing fancy. Most of my daughters friends who are 8 or 9 love playing with the toys in her bedroom.

I have a relative who’s a mummy influencer, her daughters have had make up on their Xmas list since the age of 6 😭 not even play make up, but mascara etc!!

On the other hand, last year I saw a 10 year old waiting for Santa in the village hall and I am ashamed to say I did judge.

It absolutely is in this case - the 2 girls are at different stages of maturity, both physically and emotionally. Their Mum says this, it’s a fact.

And you are absolutely wrong - there is no judgement on my part whatsoever, I am stating plain real facts about 2 girls to show the way each child can differ. I hope that reassures the OP that being young for her age or old for her age (seeing as you so ridiculously object to the word ‘mature’, maybe ‘older’ would suit you better?) doesn’t matter and there is a huge continuum.

I am truly shocked so posting here again. OP and to anyone who has managed to keep their child away from this nonsense how do you do it? Limit screen time? Delay iPhone/ iPad until older? Ban social media until what age? What hobbies did you get them into? I wonder if encouraging more interests where they’ll befriend boys rather than only girls would help? Sports etc?

I’m shocked that anyone could think 7 is too old - 7-8 is peak Barbie age. I have 8 and 11yo dds (y4 so 2 years above and y7). 8yo and friends all still play with Barbies, still like bluey but also things like Tracy Beaker. No toys on her list except teddies but mainly because we have enough! Her friends are mostly older siblings or onlies.

11yo is into skincare etc, and given she’s 3 years into adolescence I don’t agree that it isn’t age appropriate to be honest - self care isn’t all negative as long as it doesn’t go too far. Huge improvement vs 2 years ago when we had to push her to wash when sweating/greasy hair had already kicked in! She doesn’t have social media, only WhatsApp. Aware that some 10/11 year olds have ‘younger’ interests but it’s not really fair to separate teens from pre-teens - the vast majority of girls will hit puberty before (and many well before) age 13. I do get sick of people assuming all 11yo girls should still act like little girls.

I have a 13 year old. Any time she asked for anything not age appropriate she was told no. That's it, it works. Once she got a bit older, around 11/12 I told her to expect to be bombarded by ads everytime she watched Youtube etc and to try and ignore them, that they were trying to scam people😂

My Dad made me a beautiful wooden dollhouse for my 5th birthday. I played with that for about 5 or 6 years (in different ways - some basic when younger, and then I got into the decor/fashion of it all as I got older.) I don't have kids of that age, but I think 5 is a perfectly appropriate age for a dollhouse; and all of those getting Drunk Elephant skincare and the like is completely inappropriate. I don't even buy that pricey skincare for myself!
I hope she enjoys her amazing dollhouse. 😍

My 7 almost 8 year old is still very much into Barbie and baby dolls. There are a couple of girls in her class who have started getting into make up and skin care (one who has teen sisters). I think it's so sad that they can't just enjoy being little. I'm guessing a lot is influence from older siblings though.

Quite. The poor girls become just another product themselves.

I’m mid twenties and used to play with sylvanians, barbies, baby born and bratz until I was at least 10. Most of the girls in my class used to play with them too.

I think this is absolutely fine OP! It’s sad that children are encouraged to grow up too fast and have an interest in skin care at such a young age. I think social media has a big role to play in this.

I hope your daughter loves her dollhouse!