To think my daughter is absolutely developmentally appropriate, and it's other children being encouraged to grow up quickly?

[WhyCantTheyJustBeKids]

I've name-changed for this.

I'll start this thread by qualifying my experience with children. I've worked with children for 20 years. Teaching, social work, and various roles between the two. So I've worked with lots of children, and I'm not a stranger to the idea they're all different. However...

My daughter is 7 this month. She has always been developmentally advanced, meeting all milestones quite early. I say this confidently as my older child did not. She's socially quite sophisticated with a lot of emotional intelligence. Academically bright, too.

She plays with dolls, a toy kitchen, teddies, reads a range of books from chapter books to Julia Donaldson. What she'd really love for her birthday is a Barbie dreamhouse. I've been seeing increasing numbers of posts, mainly on FB, from people with similar aged children, asking what the best skincare is for their child, or listing off the beauty or fashion type items they're getting for Christmas.

We just saw Disney on Ice for her birthday treat - we do this every year, and she dresses up. I had a couple of comments from people I know, amounting to her being a bit old to still dress up. Elsewhere, I'd commented that she wants a Barbie house for her birthday, and someone suggested it was unusual. I'm paraphrasing. But in short, I'm being told she's babyish really.

In my eyes, she's totally developmentally appropriate. I don't comment on what others are doing with their children, even though I do think 7/8/9 is a bit young for things like skincare. So I'm not sure why comments happen the other way. She's still little, acts little, and enjoys the things you expect a little girl to enjoy. That means that while she's starting to watch some grown up stuff, she also still enjoys watching Bluey.

So am I being unreasonable not to be encouraging my daughter to behave older? Am I keeping her "babyish?"

The fact people buy their kids skincare at 7 years old is absolutely wild to me. At that age I would have loved to dress up and a Barbie house. People treat their children like fashion accessories or mini extensions of themselves and it’s disturbing. YANBU.

I get this. DS was 5yo (just started y1) and we were walking home. He was excited as the new Thomas film had just been released on DVD, I think it was Day of the Dielsels or something like that, and we were going to watch it when he got home.

One of the other school mums with a child in the same class commented about how smiley he was, and I said what we were planning. She laughed and said something like ‘I’d have thought you were too old for that!’ and he was absolutely crushed. It was so unnecessary, he was only five, and it really took the excitement out of him and he felt silly and embarrassed.

How crap is that?!

Bloody hell people actually buy their 7/8/9 yr olds skincare products and beauty treatments?
Nothing wrong with your 7 year old. Perfectly normal for 7/8/9 and even 10 year olds to still play with toys & dress up.

No, of course YANBU.

So she is currently literally still six and in year 2?! Surely that is peak toy age?

My DD is 8.5 and in year 4 and was torn between asking for a Barbie dreamhouse and a double pushchair for her baby dolls for Christmas.

Has zero interest in fashion and skincare, though has also asked for some more 'make-up' for Christmas... She got a small set from Claire's last year, but has barely touched it, apart from to give DS6 a make over a few times, which I suspect is the reason she wants more.

Skincare for < 9 year olds = ignorant and uneducated parents. Slapping some chemical creams on skin so young, cream that wasn't designed for children is damaging to their health. It's also unnecessary unless the child has Eczema in which case they will need special Eczema products.

It's consumerism gone crazy. Rather doing or being, these children are encouraged to focus on appearing. My 11 year old has only recently stopped playing with her play mobil and lego and isn't asking for new Lego this Christmas, she is in year 7. Playing with a wide range of toys is really important to develop fine motor skills. Rather than buying super expensive creams and potions, parents would do better paying for music or sports lessons.

It's the Insta/TikTok generation of parents, they are influenced and influence their kids. Their identity is about what they consume and show off online.

It's not good for any of us, online content is saturating are attention so that we have less creativity, fewer healthy and calm interactions (everything is hyperbole, nobody is cross or disappointed anymore, they're mad or devastated). It's all about "me, me, me, look at meeeeee and my feels', it's basically the culture and society we live in. And if you look around the culture wars wars artificially introduced online are spilling also over into real life. We are being manipulated at a very large scale.

Back to playing, OP, I hope your dd will continue to enjoy playing for a long time.

Completely normal. I always feel sorry for Harper Beckham who seems to have missed out on doing all the little girl things.

Well I am 32 and I love watching Arthur :)

My ex colleague once told a 12yo girl in our class she should start liking more grown up things then Peppa Pig (meant in a nice, not mean way). Special school for Autistic children, it made me so sad! None of the kids cared that she loved Peppa Pig!

Actually I'm going to have to apologise as my post is quite rude. We are all educated in different ways and different things matter to us at different times in our lives. No use lashing out and saying how stupid people are giving their young girls products that are either ineffectual or likely harmful for them. I am frustrated that corporations are fundamentally changing the way we grow up and socialise. Facebook owns all our data from all the conversations we have on FB, Insta and WA. TikTok is making us unable to focus. the data is to sell unnecessary things, which damage humans and our planet. It's messed up.

My 8yo in Y3 is having a dolls house for Christmas. She plays so beautifully whenever we are home with my 11yo too and sometimes 13yo too. Granted 11yo probably wouldn’t play by herself now but my girls have the best time and it’s one of my favourite things 🥰

It sounds as if you know some strange people. I have a six year old, so know loads of 6/7 year olds. Not a single one of them is into skincare. They all still play with books and toys. What country are you in?

I work in a primary school. There are a small number of girls who are very into skincare thanks to following influencers on Tik Tok and Insta who get paid heaps to recommend certain products in their videos. They idolise these women and are watching video after video of them extolling the virtues of all these products, telling them they are absolutely essential. They think they need to have a complicated routine that involves layering all these different skincare products because they're doing what kids do; trying to emulate their idols. Unfortunately their idols are vacuous social media grifters. These are the same girls who are carrying ridiculous looking giant water bottles that cost £45+ because, again, they're all over Tik Tok and their parents aren't strong enough to say "no".

This is my 9 year old too, except she is into our generation dolls rather than Barbie. So are her friends. Even the ones with phones enjoy playing with them when they are here. Mine wouldn’t have the faintest idea what ‘skincare’ was. I expect the phones girls would, but luckily there are only a few and the influence doesn’t seem to have spread in her class yet (Y5). She does love a bath bomb.

Nope. I'm the same. I don't get why some mum's are in such a hurry to have their little girls be their grown up best friend going for facials etc.

Over the summer I bumped into a lady in a toy shop and we put the world to rights on this very subject. She was buying her 9 year old the dream house for her bday - which again, I think is totally appropriate - and had been shamed for it. We were both lamenting that childhood is so brief that it should really be enjoyed rather than rushing to adulthood.

We aren't in teen territory yet so easier to enforce rules but I'm guessing maybe you aren't either?

Anyway, no smart phone would be the obvious one. We've already set the boundary that there will be no smart phone until at least 14. We do allow free amounts of screen time but we have a no YouTube rule. I'm always surprised by how many of my friends allow unfiltered access to YouTube for their kids but each to their own. I have found that we don't really have to restrict the screen time as such and I'm pretty chilled about what they watch providing is age appropriate - e.g. U or PG. I do have age filters on the netflix/disney profiles.

As alternatives, plenty of toys, art materials and books. A couple of extra curricular activities, play dates and time spent with grandparents all seem to help ensure no gap is felt. Oh and DH and I play a lot with DC too.

I adore Sylvanian families! Never had them really as a kid but I keep looking at them now and debating if I can get away with it. 🤣
Also just discovered 'adult' Lego. There's a bonsai tree and orchid that I desperately want for Xmas. So there's a bit of childhood fun still in all of us I think! ❤️

No she wouldn’t. 9 is still absolutely fine to play with Barbies. My 9 year old dd loves hers

Of course she’s developmentally normal! Anyone telling you otherwise is just bizarre.

My daughter is ten and has her whole room set up to be a “town” for all her various toys. I did the same thing when I was her age and I grew up to be a perfectly normal adult.

Rainbow High! I love those dolls - there are quite a few teenage and adult collectors. My six-year-old, my ten-year-old, and I all have some of our own.

Those other parents are failing their girls miserably.

Huh?

I find anyone who doesn't like a bit of short animation, like Bluey and Peppa Pig, weird.

And while the stories of some maybe for little kids the acting, artwork, production, social and historic context isn't.

Then again I grew up in a household were everyone stopped to watch Bugs Bunny or whatever when it came on as a filler, and adults would watch BBC children's programmes.

(Oh and toys are for everyone regardless of age.)

My DD is 9. Very advanced for her age, at greater depth of learning across the board in school, socially and emotionally mature (I know this as we've just had parents evening and her teacher agrees.)

She asked for some skin care for her birthday (September born), but it was an American brand specially formulated for kids skin. She also asked for some makeup to play with and wear at home. I had no issue with either of those.

She also still loves playing with her Barbie's, dream house, all of Barbie's play sets, her toy kitchen, her Melissa and Doug role play toys (the doctors surgery, supermarket...) doing arts and crafts and making slime.

Your DD is fine. She's doing what she should be doing at her age. A bit of skin care and makeup (to play with and wear at home or to parties) is no big deal either though.

Just to add; seeing the talk about smartphones, DD does have my old iPhone, where she watches YouTube and plays games. She also has the necessary apps that they use for schoolwork too (Reading Eggs and Timestable Rockstars.)

But I try and limit it, and am always looking at what she's being watching/playing.

DD is 9 and still plays with barbie dream house, and other dolls, never been a dressing up girl. As a treat I let her play with my make up, but she's never asked for her own, and I think she'd be disappointed to get it for Christmas.
I read somewhere it's not good to start a skincare regime on skin so young too.
Childhood is short enough, I want DD to be young and enjoy it as much and long as possible.

My almost 8 DS still plays with lots of toys and has got similar things for his upcoming birthday and Christmas.

I don't think other parents are asking their children to group up quicker, but some
Naturally do. I have friends with similar aged sons and they're so into sport and don't play with toys. Horses for courses.