AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

@GoldenPheasant but don’t most weddings have some form of colour palette. I had a coloured wedding dress so waistcoats for the men tied in with the colour of the dress as did flowers. It was autumn so went with autumnal colours. I didn’t tell guests what colour they had to wear.

OP commented on the dress after MIL had sent photo for comments.

I didn't ask my ex-DiL what I should wear, but chose a pastel shade dress and jacket. Her mother wore a cream suit. I don't much go for telling my guests what to wear unless we are doing a murder mystery or a fancy dress party (then, of course) and I don't understand the obsession with having colour-coded wedding photos.
So your MiL-to-be wants to wear a black dress with a train. Well, it might have some bearing on how she feels about the wedding, but it's more likely because she knows she looks slimmer in black (the main reason women wear black) or she likes looking dramatic. She asked your opinion. Your opinion should have been along the lines: 'that's lovely...bear in mind it's Spain/somewhere hot/in August, though'. Then she can decide to choose something else if she likes. If not she'll add a bit of drama and many people will think she is widowed or (in Spain) feels that she is too old for colours.
NB At least she asked your opinion. I wouldn't have. Also, are you telling guests what colours to wear? Good thing one of them isn't my late DH - he'd have turned up in something entirely outrageous if told what to wear.

Let her. Everyone will thinks she’s batshit 😂

A black dress would have been ok it’s the train that makes it’s very odd !

@Grammarnut too old to wear colours but not too old to wear a dress like that!

So did you say what you've said here - you'd love your wedding photos to be bright and sunny and her being in black will really impact the look you were going for? I don't think that's a horrible thing to say and might make her rethink her choice.

Unless of course she knows full well that black in a sea of bright colours will make her stand out and put focus on her. The dress will certainly do that and possibly not in the admiring way she might be thinking.

Ask her whose funeral she is going to in that dress. send her links to dresses you feel are more appropriate. If she turns up in the black dress advise her that she can’t be in main photos. It’s your day so your final choices sod others opinions. I’d be miffed by the choice too.

Really? I find it quite rude to expect guests to colours directed by the groom and bride.

Yes! My ex-MIL decided to wear a burgundy dress to my wedding because I chose a burgundy wedding dress. One of my friends was really cross, I just laughed - there was no way the guests were going to confuse her for the bride! And it’s just a dress at the end of the day. It was very small in the grand scheme of things. I did take objection to her deliberately introducing herself to people she didn’t know as my mam… I have a lovely mam who was also at the wedding!

Yes this 👆🏼

Your DH needs to intervene. And say @MumofHennHals showed me the dress and I don’t think it’s appropriate. Also stating he won’t defend her from people gossiping that she (mil) is either trying to upstage the bride or make a point about wearing black to wedding (like it’s a funeral), or even weirder wearing a wedding dress to her son’s wedding.

she’s going to look absolutely batshit! Your poor mum too being in photos with that!

If she insists on wearing it make sure you get loads without her in, like a family one with just you, dh and your parents siblings so your family have nice ones (and get DH to be to tell her because she can’t wear something suitable she’s only going to be in a handful of wedding pictures.

My mill did something similar, wore a black dress with her cleavage hanging out to a summer Christening in a VERY traditional church. I knew she’d pull a stunt like this though, so prepared with photographer if she wore inappropriate clothes to hide her, so only one family photo with her in it and in the group ones she’s hidden behind distant relatives and can only see a bit of her head.

Such an idiot. Honestly your mil is going to definitely detract attention because everyone is going to be eating popcorn looking at the absolute vampire slapper mil and watching to see if she gets wasted and does something mad.

Has she bought the original or a drop shipped dress from Ali Express? There's a good chance that when it arrives it won't look like it should.

Why did she wear a mourning colour for a happy occasion? And was it a summer wedding?

I've been thinking on and I do agree about the colour being part of it too. You're right - it's the Halloween thing. Black and orange are classic Halloween colours. It's all kinds of wrong which ever way you look at it

Is this for real?

It’s not the colour that’s the issue. It’s the fact that it’s a bloody wedding dress in the same style that the bride is going to wear. What the feck was she thinking??

I don't care if Aunt Susan wears black, she won't be at the front of my photos, or any intimate family pictures or at the top table amongst my beautiful vibrant and colourful bridal party and florals.

Is that all you care about? Maybe ask her if she could wear a throw or scarf in an acceptable colour?

You can put a dress code n the invite but it’s a suggestion. The whole colour palette thing annoys me. Having said that - it isn’t polite to wear black to a wedding or to wear a train. Don’t worry about it. People will look at her and think how silly she looks. Nobody can detract from a bride on her wedding day.

She can wear what she wants but don’t have too many photos taken with her.

When you choose your photos, don’t have many/any with her. It looks like she’s trying desperately to stand out and upstage you.

Could your partner tell her it’s too bridal and dramatic for MOB?

I meant MOG obviously!

cop on to yourself, you sound ridiculous. The cheek of you thinking you get to dictate what other people wear. What happened to loving and accepting people for who they are and being happy that we get to have them in our lives. All this over a F-in dress.

@MumofHennHals she will boil to a crisp in black in August in Spain - buy her a flamenco brolly to go with it and let her get in with it 🫣🤯😂

Is it a thing in Spain for the mother of the groom to wear black? We were in Seville last weekend and watched a wedding party go into the cathedral. The mother of the groom there was wearing black with a black face veil so we assumed that possibly she was also in mourning. A very chic dress though, perfectly appropriate for a 60yr old, not anything like this.

I'm far too invested in this thread... just explained the scenario to my DH and then showed him the picture. He laughed straight away looking at the dress.

Yes, but did your mum wear a black dress or a black wedding dress? Huge difference imo.

She's making a statement. Don't you get on?

Horrible thing to do btw. I hope your partner and her partner can talk sone sense into her! But if she does wear it, everyone's going to be smirking at her.

The absolute best thing to do is to have a great time!