My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

[AHungryCat]

What should I do? She tried to talk to me about it but fgs

I offer a compromise.
Suggest to this human "owner"(????!!!!!) to buy you some turkey, chicken and so on when they get their food. It does quite taste the same, but you do not need to bother with the feathers.

Wow you are my heroe! Can I have rabbit hinting lessons please? I am not good with squirrels, but I may be able to ambush small rabbits...

I am really good with birds, including small crows!

When we lived in London, I was Cat of the Week in the Southgate Small Birds and Rodents Society Newsletter.

My friends told me it was not anything to be proud of. It was a warning. To the birds and rodents.

But clearly my friends were just jealous.

Ooh, what a lovely mean glare you have. A worthy cat of the week.

Omg that cat 😂. Even lions would faint.

You will have to do it nine times before it works though.

But which heaven do the crows and hawks go that attack fellow birds? Not really fair either, if cats have nine lives and birds only have one.

Birds and that...yeah, whatever.
But what is that pesky little red light that hops about all over the floor. I can never catch it. Really annoying.

You mean you chase it? they are having a laugh at your expense, you will never catch the dot!

Instead may I suggest that you are supposed to look at the dot without moving, then look at the human with complete contempt and walk off. and you must totally ignore them whinging about the fact it cost them £20 off Amazon.

Instead may I suggest that you are supposed to look at the dot without moving, then look at the human with complete contempt and walk off, and you must totally ignore them whinging about the fact it cost them £20 off Amazon

It's actually imperative to do this whenever they buy cat toys.

Do not engage. Always walk off.

Gets them every time.

Unless it's the little crinkly fishes I was bought as a kitten. I will admit when they reappear from under chairs and beds during the move the furniture cleans I am immediately a kitten again.

I love my little fishes even if it does elicit "ahhh you are sooooo cute" noises from the human.

All other toys are given the look of contempt (although I will snuggle with the catnip ball but only when she's not in the room!)

I’m quite partial to a rolling nut myself. Love Christmas, hazelnuts are the best. Quite like a quick shimmy up the Christmas tree too, the taller the better. And the baubles!

Meanwhile, the humans try to distract me with fancy feather toys and catnip mice… they’re so needy.

Wow you are my heroe! Can I have rabbit hinting lessons please? I am not good with squirrels, but I may be able to ambush small rabbits...

My cat-in-law recommends visiting your local allotments. Lots of dozy baby rabbits.

The only drawback is the humans get so ridiculously sentimental about anything they think is cute or fluffy :( Worse than with birds. You may find yourself grounded.

Or worse, catio'd.

Oh, thanks! I had not thought of that.
I will take a trip there and try. The slave will be in a pickle when I turn up later than usual. She may give me some nice treats too!

Play with the packaging.
Paper bag, cardboard box.
Totally ignore the expensive toy they have wasted their money on.
Don't even give it a single GLANCE

Actually, yes. The boxes are good for sleeping in.

If they've already got you a selection of cat beds, you can really annoy them by sleeping in a box instead.

I love boxes. My slaves are so stupid, they keep them for ages as they think I sleep in them all the time. I do not, I get in and smile winsomely on bin day. And lo, the box lasts another week.

Extra cat points for refusing to get out of the cardboard box that the new expensive cat bed arrived in whilst ignoring the new cat bed entirely.

I totally disagree with my slaves' choice of hard flooring throughout the downstairs. But when I helpfully try to carpet it for them with my lovely ginger fur, they seem displeased. Ungrateful so and sos. I shall not stop though, we will have a golden orange carpet.

Oh boxes! Lovely they are. I also force my humans to keep them around for me.
But my favourite is shopping bags. I just jump in and they carry me around when I please, like they can buy something as gorgeous as me!
My silly house cat mate got himself tangled on the handle last month. Now I struggle to force the humans to comply with the bag carrying game! Honestly, some cats!

I always secretly rip open the presents under the Christmas tree. And always blame the dog. But sadly this year my bf forever dog is no longer with us, so not sure who to blame this year.

"A big cat did it and ran away". That's what I always say.

What really winds them up is when you hunt THEIR food - I pounced on the younger daughter's sausage last night and ran off with it in my mouth. Oh, the drama! You wouldn't believe it.

Something which also provokes the mother's ire is when I take my own food out of its bowl onto the floor for attack practice. Tends to result in sarcastic comments like, "there is no need to savage your food, it is already dead."

I should add that these little habits are all for the greater good, but a fat lot of thanks I get. I'm actually an extremely skilled assassin, but the young daughters cry and say that I'm a murderer. So I'm trying to preserve their FEELINGS by hunting sausages etc instead, but they're not very grateful.

The baby is worst of all. Since it appeared a year ago it's taken up all of the mother's attention and I'm considering reporting her for neglect. I've been driven to selling my favours to strangers passing by in exchange for petting and Dreamies.

I think these poor misunderstood cats should create a great uprising of refusing to help around the place and lay around being waited on

My slave sometimes buys me a big expensive box from the Amazon and then she gets all excited like stoopid slaves do, swearing about finding scissors and moaning about her nails trying to to get the sticky tape off. Tedious, what I have to put up with. After a lot of faff and bits of plastic and bubble wrap flying about, I finally get my box. My brother and sisters want a go in it but it’s mine so they can do one. Whilst stoopid slave gets all excited reading instructions and shouting at deputy slave about getting his arse in gear and putting the latest bit of tat together, I do a bit of interior design, and chew the corners and claw a few bits off my box. Called up cycling. Then I have a week or two of getting in my box as soon as she moves near it to put it in the recycling bin.
Chairman Meow.