My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

[AHungryCat]

What should I do? She tried to talk to me about it but fgs

I'm only just getting over being dressed up in a witch costume for Halloween and dreading the Santa suit coming out.

What do you think you are, a DOG? Shameful!

Do what I did. Piss in a plug socket and blow the electrics in the house. Or you could do a dirty protest on the back step.. I did that too.

Darling. They’re my chaser

dirty protest 🤣

Doesn't work for me. I choose never to stoop.

Even better, leave the heads on the carpet so they're greeted with a mousey grimace first thing in the morning.

I recommend vomming down the back of the sofa. Takes them ages to find it. Double points if you include a hairball.

Whenever the woman puts some flowers in a vase, I knock it over, so I can have a drink. Then they complain about water all over the table! The flowers look a bit of a mess afterwards too!

Its so easy to wind them up! 🤣🤣

I've found the best way for your human to accept you want to eat birds is to now bring in a live rat and let it loose in the living room. Extra points if you can also being in a live mouse on the same night and also let it loose in the living room! It will make your human a gibbering wreck. She'll be literally begging you to go back to birds!

And if that fails then bring in a bat and drop it behind the headboard of her bed ready for her to freak out at 3am when she switches the light on to go for a pee and the bat starts to do laps round the bedroom!

Honestly you'll be back to birds before you know it with her thanking you profusely.

But don't try pigeons, they are hard to get through the cat flap and you'll have to knock on the cat flap to get your human to open the door for you which ruins the element of surprise.

Go out somewhere and eat something disgusting that disagrees with your stomach, then come inside and while they're downstairs go upstairs and do a liquid shit on the owner's bed, ruin their favourite duvet and the brand new very expensive duvet cover they just treated themselves too. Then walk with your shitty paws to their granddaughter's bedroom, she's not there so you can have the freedom to shit all over her bed, pillow and mattress. Then you'll feel loads better so go to another room with your shitty feet and jump up and go to sleep on the bed. Don't go down until bedtime then listen to the reaction when they see what you've done.
They'll be begging you to eat birds after they've seen what you can really do.

I find crunching the bones loudly outside their bedroom door at 2am does the trick. keeps them on their toes!

I don't understand my slave. I've heard her complain on many occasions that she can't find hats that suit. When I offer my services in this department by sitting on her head while she is asleep, she complains again when she wakes up with my luxuriant orange fur in her eyes. Ungrateful baggage.

Pesky humans, but what were you doing listening to them? Jeffrey has a cheek laughing at you, he still sleeps with his teddy. I find sitting on my humans head at 5 in the morning great fun. Random slaps with claws oot while playing helps keeps humans in check. Don't forget the classic asking for door to be opened so you can sit n stare at the rain pissed off they won't make it stop but now door open prevent them from closing it so they get a draught

The best game is distracting the man (I still don't approve of him invading my space, even though he's been here 70 years according to my time frame) by wanting to go out, being STARVING etc so he gets up, and I steal his place on the sofa. My principal slave seems to find that funny too.

I don’t really understand why she is so bothered. I’m a 15 year old Labrador and I used to love eating dead seagulls on the beach. The older and smellier the better. My owner seemed to love it. She would chase after me in glee, waving her arms around in enjoyment and the shouting would get higher and higher the faster I would get. Good times.
Then she would spend ages on her phone manically texting everyone the good news. At least I think it was that. I saw her type in ‘can dogs eat dead birds?’ and ‘do bones get stuck in dogs’ but I can’t read so probably could have been anything tbh.
You do you 🙌🙌🙌

Saturday night’s made for fighting I say. I gave that Freddie next door a good slap and put him in his place. He’s now done up like a big girls blouse with some fancy cone like thing around his neck and has even shaved a bit of his own fur off as well. Silly bastard.

Freddie

Loving these replies! But they’ve got me thinking about humans. I mean I love mine and all - after all, they feed me twice a day like clockwork and the house is always so warm and inviting - but it’s just that they seem a little weak, if you know what I mean…

I’ve been testing my theory for a while now. There was the time I pissed all over the master’s important documents that he kept in a pile under the bed (I mean he was asking for it, right?) and although he was pretty livid it was all words and no actions. Then another time I brought in this mega rat I hunted. I wasn’t hungry or anything, just felt like it, so I set it free in the kitchen and the stupid thing ran under a chest of drawers and just sat there all night with its long tail sticking out. You should have heard the mistress scream, it was priceless! But again, she said all sorts of stuff but nothing actually happened. I still got my breakfast, just like always.

The latest thing I did was dump a dead bird in a pile of freshly laundered clothes and guess what… nothing. I mean I learned some new swear words, but the weakness. These humans think they’re in charge but they’re so gullible and they have zero self-respect.

So my advice… she may have said you can’t eat birds, but don’t let that bother you. Do what you damn well please and she’ll still let you in when you stare through the glass door (cos you can’t be bothered to use the flap) and she’ll still be thrilled if you let her scratch your tummy or you roll on her keyboard the minute she sits down to work.

Power to the Cats!

Does she eat birds?
Lie in wait when one comes out of the oven, & eat it when her back's turned.

I've done that.
When they put something tasty on the table I always jump up and help myself.

I don't know why they make such a fuss. If they wanted a pouch of Felix I'd let them have one. Especially the cod pouches.

I know, right? I'm more than happy to share my food. But when my slave tried a cheese dreamie, she spat it out. She has no taste.

My main slave had periods of being very unwell (I heard her call it MS)

So she was always around for fusses and food

My other slave (her youngest daughter) would feed me and fuss me whenever I wanted too

I'm a bit of an old man now,so hunting is underneath me-snoozing,fusses on demand and eating is my thing,I'll leave the hunting to my sisters

Anyway,main slave said something about going away to see her other daughter (something about her living miles away and she has her own daughter who's too noisy for my tastes) and main slave had packed a suitcase with lovely smelling clean clothes and left it,open on the table

While she was waiting for her lift,she nipped outside to see if the lift had arrived

What can I say?

I was annoyed she was leaving me and I needed a wee...

(This has been written by the friend of main slave who looked a cross between horrified and amused when told the story-i dont have thumbs so cant write,but if i could,id rule the world)

With catgut, preferably.

Refuse to eat until they bring you ortolan. Or LTB

Don't i have to have a cloth thing on my head if I eat Ortolan? I fear it would be demeaning.