DS made racist comment at school

[ellie09]

I have a DS age 7 who has ASD and he struggles quite a bit socially.

I am utterly appalled and ashamed by what I have heard this morning. This wasn't any thing directly to me or by the teacher.

DS apparently made a comment to a girl in his class saying he "didn't want to play with her as she has brown skin". This apparently blown up in a private group chat on WhatsApp that I was not aware of. I hadn't had any communications from teachers or other parents, so I was confused.

His best friend at school is a Muslim boy and his granny is Brazilian. He has grown up around different skin colours from a baby. We have had a serious conversation today in which I have told him he must apologise to this girl tomorrow.

However, I am also angry that this has been put on a WhatsApp group before anybody has even spoken to me, I assume the teachers aren't even aware. Of course, this has caused outrage in the group chat (and rightly so!) but I can't help but feel this was wrongly handled by the other parent as this is a group of 7 year old children and issues like this can escalate very quickly.

How do I handle this moving forward? Do I request a meeting with the head teacher and make them aware of the incident etc?

I feel really sick at the thought of walking my child into school tomorrow, knowing that most will be judging based on what they have heard.

Btw, I'm not in the group chat - screenshots were sent to me by another parent.

But he's only 7 years old so will not have that understanding. All his mum or teachers can do is explain to him why that comment is not okay. I hope no-one is trying to label a 7 year old child a racist.

Extremely rude comment, totally uncalled for

You’re clearly unpleasant- what a childish retort. Being disabled isn’t a free pass to abuse others.

My son has still been punished.

He has spent today writing an apology card to the girl involved, and not been able to have any "fun" events that were planned this week e.g swimming and seeing his friends.

He has also had to sit through some educational videos on racism that are age friendly this afternoon.

Yes, that is what needs to happen here. The school needs to deal with the WhatsApp group admin quickly. No one should be running a WhatsApp group who does not shut down a mass shaming episode of a 7 year old child, for God’s sake.

Grow up and pedal your agenda elsewhere.

Hi OP, I totally get that this shouldn't have been part of a group chat which is subject to misrepresentation and Chinese whispers.
I agree that you should speak to the head teacher.Take care

The worst part is, one of the members of the group is a SEN classroom assistant employed by the school

You would think they would have the sense to shut it down and say to take it to the school

@normanprice62 the "agenda" of ... not being racist???

And before you jump to oh I must be an evil ableist, I'm literally a severely disabled person. So that easy retort doesn't fly.

Muslim isn't a race....there are lots of white Muslims too.

Just informing .... no hate at all

@Maray1967 No concern for the racism? No concern for the little girl?

You do understand that people are allowed to discuss racist incidents that occur in their own communities?

I said off limits for making comments about.

It's OK to ask questions about weight, race, and disability in an appropriate place out of earshot of someone who is likely to get their feelings hurt.

It's not acceptable to comment on it, especially not at school. There's no reason to be talking to someone about their body or their skin unless they raise it with you.

It's not the job of POC to answer questions about their skin colour. It's just as unacceptable as saying, "Why are you fat? I don't like fat bodies."

ASD not a free pass. DC should not be told that it’s beyond his control.

Goal should be to take responsibility, work with school on resolution and work w DC to prevent future similar mistake.

Thing is, no one was there from the group to know what was said or how what was said was interpreted. I wonder if your son said he didn't want to play with the brown girl, using the colour as a descriptor rather than because she was brown. We will never know. But the school needs to handle all of this including the social media aspect before your son becomes as much a victim of this as the girl - she is still a victim because whether he said he didn't want to play with her because of her skin colour or using the colour as a descriptor, it's not acceptable as we'd never say 'the white person' in the same way.

Lol you've literally just done what you've been accusing the op of! Hilarious! You can't be ableist because you disabled, okidokey. Op has done everything she can to educate her ds so this doesn't occur again. People like you just keep kicking her for no reason. It's pathetic. He's 7 and she's dealt with him appropriately.

Like the views of racists or enablers of racism on this thread are going to make me lose any sleep.

Not once has op or myself said that, however it is relevant.

You have shown yourself to be doing the exact things you’re accusing me of. Take your own unwanted advice and stop being a hypocrite.

Your delusional aren't you.

Many parents behave like this. They tell others, put nasty things on Facebook etc. They also march up to school shouting and carrying on without giving the school the chance to investigate. It is fairly standard behaviour. OP if your child did say what has been reported he needs a consequence and for someone to explain why it is so hurtful and unacceptable. However he is a seven year old with asd so the reaction needs to be proportionate. There is no need for him to be discussed on the WhatsApp. I would disengage. Speak to the school and ask them to deal with it in line with their behaviour policies.

I'm not saying she shouldn't have had a community around her that supported her.

But I wasn't even aware of the situation? If I was aware, it would have been out out, there and then, without the need to broadcast to other parents what a racist my child is, or the parents are.

If the situation was reversed, I would at least give the other party a chance to say something than outing a 7 year old child on SM to a wide audience?

My SEN child is now going to be even more ostracized at school tomorrow from something that could have been resolved easily. He is already bullied by his peers.

Practice what you preach!

Ellie09 the sen assistant will not be commenting in any way if she has any sense.

It's pretty obvious what the OP is at.

That is appalling. I would raise that with school. If that person has contributed in any way to the ‘discussion’ that should surely be a disciplinary offence.

It is possible they haven’t seen the chat - I’m not always good at keeping up with WhatsApp.