DS made racist comment at school

[ellie09]

I have a DS age 7 who has ASD and he struggles quite a bit socially.

I am utterly appalled and ashamed by what I have heard this morning. This wasn't any thing directly to me or by the teacher.

DS apparently made a comment to a girl in his class saying he "didn't want to play with her as she has brown skin". This apparently blown up in a private group chat on WhatsApp that I was not aware of. I hadn't had any communications from teachers or other parents, so I was confused.

His best friend at school is a Muslim boy and his granny is Brazilian. He has grown up around different skin colours from a baby. We have had a serious conversation today in which I have told him he must apologise to this girl tomorrow.

However, I am also angry that this has been put on a WhatsApp group before anybody has even spoken to me, I assume the teachers aren't even aware. Of course, this has caused outrage in the group chat (and rightly so!) but I can't help but feel this was wrongly handled by the other parent as this is a group of 7 year old children and issues like this can escalate very quickly.

How do I handle this moving forward? Do I request a meeting with the head teacher and make them aware of the incident etc?

I feel really sick at the thought of walking my child into school tomorrow, knowing that most will be judging based on what they have heard.

Btw, I'm not in the group chat - screenshots were sent to me by another parent.

7 year olds say all kinds of stupid stuff, some more than other. To make a big deal out of anything so petty is on them as people with too much moral outrage and not enough hobbies. Even my 11 year old girl has said things that I consider racist but she is IMMATURE and trying to be funny or edgy. As adults we need to gently remind and reprove children to be kind, humble, forgiving, compassionate- these parents are not modeling those virtues for their children. You don’t need to apologize. Your son should but the shaming and bullying people for racism is getting ridiculous. Victimhood is the new virtue.

Racism and bullying starts in secondary school especially if there is no culture in the town or village they grew up in. They know nothing of the world except for what's in front of them. Most of the time when my partner does a job in the village they always ask him "you live around here?" His response is "yea, round the corner, if you ever need anything walk round and knock my door". The look of horror is written all over their faces. It makes you wonder if they've put the house up for sale and he's told Marg that they have to quickly move.

I don't know how I survived the town I live in 16 years of hell it's only now it's getting better. Over 70% voted leave I hated living here. Now people from all parts of the world are coming to live here. It serves them right. This country has a history of invading and taking over other countries and yet no one can come here?

Politicians invading other countries isn't the fault of the every day person. Any country should be able to control immigration so they people already there aren't affected negatively.

@pookie999

Another PP is " "so sure" this girl has done things her mother wishes she had not. Assumptions about people you have no relationship with are ridiculous."

because she's a child. That's how children are, even ones you've never met. The balance of probabilities makes this very likely.

This country would be nothing if it didn't invade other countries and took from them. Let's not forget that. More importantly we aren't having children that's the problem and that alone will affect us negatively. I have uploaded an interesting article that talks about the reason why we need immigration and why women don't want children. Apparently, they are more happy in their lives without children. One of my daughters is adamant she is not having children she wants a cat or a dog or both.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/apr/02/falling-birthrates-immigration-women-children-demographics

@HermoinePotter

"The school can say what they like, they can put out communication on their views until they’re blue in the face but this will never stop parents having private Watsapp groups. As I said, they can’t control what other parents say on groups. "

That's true. As with a lot of things in life, you can't control what others do, you can only control how you respond.

The school can expel the child for parental breaches of parental code of conducts.

This is a thing schools do.

But it wasn't just politicians was it. A lot of it was ordinary people recruited by the government at the time to do their dirty work for them. And they were happy to do it.

I'm more concerned for the innocent little girl.

Your son having a brown skinned friend is irrelevant as is having asd to being racist. Hopefully this friend didn't hear him say that.

I see nothing wrong with the parents sharing this, especially if they have children who may be affected from hearing that.
It's not their or the little girls responsibility to make your kid feel better for being racist.

Nor are they obligated to speak with you, or owe it to you or your son not to tell anyone but the teacher.

racial comments not matter how trivial they may seem to some causes lasting damage to minority kids and they are looking out for their daughter as they should.

I don't really get why you want to escalate it further, just ask him to apologise (not force him as he shouldn't do it if he doesn't want to). Your son will be fine

I hope you have this same attitude when your racist daughter is faced with being bullied for being edgy or the various pitfalls of being a teen, don't cry the victim hood card then.

Teenage girls can be vicious but it's all just IMMATURE play right?

At least read the ops updates. There was no girl involved.

Parent’s misinformation has harmed the ops son by spreading inaccurate information. How do you go about correcting that?

So white kids aren't affected by racial slurs then?

Almost every culture has a “history of invading other countries” and I am not sure what this has to do with kids saying dumb/rude stuff.

Britain France and USA were the first countries to make slavery illegal and western civilization has lead the world in creating the most tolerant societies with strongest civil rights - particularly to vulnerable minorities, women, children, animals and environment. I am proud of MY culture.

A little more reading for you.

https://taxjustice.net/2020/06/09/slavery-compensation-uk-questions/

I don't understand why the girl's parent has launched into this on WhatsApp , especially without even contacting the school. That's extremely inappropriate. Sadly both my DSs have been properly attacked & hurt more than once in primary. My youngest DS currently has a classmate who regularly makes inappropriate sexual comments. It would just never enter my head to broadcast any of these incidents on the class WhatsApp.