To think it is personal when people ignore your messages?!

[iCantStopppEating]

I feel it’s so rude. No matter what is going on with my life I never leave a message on read for days. I have never left a message on read or ignored. Even my MIL who I do not get along with I respond to her messages even if it’s just a thumbs up or heart. When I see people post similar threads of feeling hurt when they’re ignored it often gets dismissed. Surely a feeling of being ignored is a natural response? if you have a healthy self-esteem and tons of friends then I can see why it doesn’t bother people but I do feel ignored. Especially when I can see the same people are very chatty and vocal on group messages do have time but choose to ignore me. I know someone will come along and make ne feel it’s my fault but I am feeling really low at the moment. Connecting with people I find so difficult anyway but then to be ignored when I do try to make plans for a coffee etc. get ignored.

I think I have got worse at this since having my Apple watch actually. I see it come through, can’t reply in that moment, but then forget it some through. Pre kids I was always good but juggling the kids/ work/ family commitments etc means things just do not stick in my mind. Also have to check the calendar before committing, so sometimes I reply and say this, but am also guilty of then forgetting . I don’t mean to be rubbish, I am just overloaded. I also agree with the person that mentioned the scale of different form of communication, email, WhatsApp, message , call etc . Everyone I know seems similar , so luckily just accepting of each other, and see it’s just a phase in our lives.

Like most things in life it’s a question of degree.

I do think completely ignoring messages for days or weeks on end is unnecessary and ungracious. No one is so busy and stressed that they can ignore a message for two weeks and I think the justification for doing so is pretty specious.

But it’s also ridiculous to expect people to reply on demand. Many of us have unbelievably stressful lives that involve juggling multiple sources of stress on the home and work front. I can completely understand that if you are dealing with something like a family illness or a uniquely difficult problem at work you may have to steel yourself to put your brave digital face on.

A lot of people have lost the arts of nuance and empathy. If you block and delete people for minor infractions related to their speed of response on WhatsApp or text you will quickly be without any friends.

She had time at that moment to reply? We don't control when people message us and we might read it quickly and think I'll reply when I have more time and then forget?

With me, it’s definitely a forgetting thing. My brain is overloaded. It’s not on purpose, it’s just that in the minute you text I read the message then had to intervene with the kids/ was at work and read on in my watch so couldn’t reply ) certainly not a power play. I also think it may be an age thing. I definitely see messages as things that can be replied to when I have a minute, rather than urgently, that is a phone call to me. Sometimes I do reply straight away if I can , I know that’s the best option for me ! But my brain definitely tends to be better at remembering phone calls ( maybe because they are rarer!)

Exactly, there are something like 12 million users on this site. How many of them didn't reply..?

Stop opening messages out of curiosity when you can’t reply to them. Solved.

The other person sees you haven’t “opened the package”.

Whats upsetting is when your friend sees you open the package, walk away and leave it.

Mine open on my watch or when I’m looking at something else, or I realise it’s going to be longer to reply to, or something else happens.

The solution is for the sender to not assume that they’re the only or most important thing that the receiver has to do in that moment, or even at that time more generally. Accept that people have stuff going on and / or sometimes need to limit demands on them for all sorts of reasons.

You do not get to dictate what other people do with their time.

Or better yet, turn all your read receipts off and ‘online and last seen’ status

That's right. But you can choose not to communicate with them or/and have a relationship with them. I choose not to have relationships with people who don't value me enough to take 30seconds out of their day to acknowledge my message . . .

No one is expecting people to be replying immediately or stopping what they are doing to reply, but if you have any kind of relationship courtesy would be to respond in a reasonable amount of time. As I said in my previous post these people often have time to scroll on TIK tok but not reply. People that I consider “friends” have ignored my message for 2/3 days but posted mindless crap on their social media in that time - make it make sense !!! Anyway I just don’t bother when people do this to me now and they miss out on my important updates and have to wait until they make an effort to see me. Often when they ask for a date to see me now I am already booked up with people who reply within 1 or 2 days, or shock horror a couple of hours !

Agreed.

Mine open on my watch and then I reply later on if I’m busy, because I can actually remember about the person who has messaged me. Those who “forget” probably should stick to emails or phone call appointments!

It’s not personal at all. I reply to messages when I’ve got time and headspace to give a proper response rather than a rushed half arsed one.

And I’d rather not receive a reply for a few days than a bloody 👍 - that absolutely grinds my gears.

I think you’re massively overthinking tbh

I love all my friends dearly but if it was important they'd call, I find some people so bloody needy with messages. The whole you must have 30 seconds to spare to reply to me or we aren't friends is so childish. No wonder people turn off the blue ticks.

I'll reply when I a)remember, b) want to or c)have something to say. It's not me trying to assert my importance, or me thinking I'm special. I'm not dating my friends, they're not my family (although some are like family and those are treated the same as my family) so the communication doesn't have to be daily or on the same level.

Posting on here or Social media is much easier than responding to a friend's message some days. Some days I just don't want to bloody speak to anyone.

It is very tedious. Now I say Im free x or y day. Busy the others. As you say they dont reply and your days on hold. Find it all so time wasting now!

Personally I dont like being called on the phone- that to me, is FAR more inconvenient than receiving a text you can respond to whenever you like. I am often driving for work, out and about, cant talk at work etc so anyone insisting on calling would get short shrift from me- thats far more demanding of an immediate reply than a text.

Or you could just not answer the phone if it’s not convenient and move on with your life

Of course, you don’t get to dictate what they do with their time
They don’t get to dictate how you react to that.

If one of my friends fell out with me over something like this I would think it was sad but that maybe we just aren’t compatible as mates 🤷‍♀️

Anyway I just don’t bother when people do this to me now and they miss out on my important updates and have to wait until they make an effort to see me. Often when they ask for a date to see me now I am already booked up with people who reply within 1 or 2 days, or shock horror a couple of hours

Oh no, how will they ever cope.

Nope I dont answer it!. But the point is- a call is far more "demanding" than a text message!

Agree. I’ve got very close very good mates who really don’t stress out if we don’t hear from each other for several days

Id rather someone took time and sent a proper response when they’re ready rather than a half arsed quick reply or far far far worse the dreaded 👍

Each to their own, I have a friend who calls for a chat. If it’s not convenient, I won’t answer but I don’t get annoyed at her for trying. She will usually drop me a text straight after saying “just called for a chat, not urgent - speak to you soon”
And I will call her back in my own time.

I agree with this! Can’t stand being called

I’m ok as my friends are WhatsAppers rather than talkers. Apart from my mum, if anyone calls unexpectedly i just watch my phone ring with zero chance I’ll actually answer