Boyfriends kink

[Kneebonefuture]

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that.

I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

It’s cross dressing?

🤣

@VickyEadieofThigh nothing to do with being outed. I don't want this being brought up on my other posts.

So I haven't read all the replies but I think people who have said he's manipulative are right. Its funny how quickly he went from being ashamed and wanting to end his life (not sure how serious that comment was) to being completely confident talking about it and almost showing off. I've drafted a text, and waiting for him to message.
Just so people are aware my daughter is off to uni in January, she's not a small child. I'd never put her at any risk.

OP this man knows exactly what he’s doing and he either is so obsessed with his fetish that he has no idea what normal boundaries are given he’s sending you unsolicited pictures of him engaging in his fetish or he knows and is getting off on the thought that he’s making you take part whether you want to or not. Or this is further testing your boundaries to see what you’ll say no to. And all the “oh I’m so weird” nonsense is set up to manipulate you into going “oh no you’re not” so that he can continue to erode through your boundaries.

Don’t apologise to him for him sending you this stuff just because you didn’t immediately condemn it. It’s not normal behaviour in a friendship/new relationship to do that.

You not wanting to be involved in this is completely valid. As valid as his wanting to be is. If you want this to stop you need to tell him.
Hi X
Please stop sending me/talking to me about Y. I’m not into it.

When the inevitable manipulative response is “oh so sorry I’m such an idiot and so weird I should have realised no one would want to be with me for this” you need to NOT apologise but a non committal “well now you know I’m not” and that’s an end to it. If he continues to do the woe is me act then you need to tell him either he moves on from it or the friendship ends.

Alternatively if you just don’t want contact with him any more tell him you don’t want the kink stuff and you think it’s better if you don’t speak anymore then block him.

OP I’ve just read your post above mine. The wanting to end his life is classic abuser tactic to shame you/make you feel guilty so you do want he wants. It’s like a toddler having a tantrum to try and get you to do whatever only playing on your socialisation to “be kind.”
People who are actually suicidal don’t use it as a threat or tell people about it. Massive red flag.

Have you heard of name changing? Why start a thread about a kink and not say what it is. And really no-one gives a shit also. 🙄

So nice of you to grace us with your reply 🤣 are you here for the shaming

Kinky

Lol

😄😄🤭

There is a fine line somewhere between kinky and perverted. He’s way over the line. I would get this ended now.

😄😄

I was literally responding to the comment about name changing?

Because my post isn't about the kink specifically, I just wanted advice on whether to just back off or call him out. I already know what the majority of people think about the kink and ive no interest in shaming people who are into at length. It's nothing illegal or abusive.

Thanks for your not so helpful comments, I find you quite rude. I won't be reading or responding to anymore of yours.

My pleasure 🤣

Looking at it like this has made me open my eyes and the problem is worse than I originally thought. You're right hes been clever. He was even showering me with compliments when I first "accepted" it. Told me I was the most amazing human and listed all the things he loved about me. Funny how he's never said these things in the last 15 years.

What's agp?

The gifs are part of the fun of this thread 😄

Autogynephile = a man who is sexually aroused at the thought of himself as a woman, and corresponding behaviours.

Probably likes using Mumsnet while dusting the ornaments AKA Queen style.

Thanks. Nice to see there are still people with a sense of humour.

😍

Ok. I need to stop now. 🤣

Now you have time for the other threads 🤣

Op, as entertaining as you made my Saturday night waiting for dd to fall asleep

(Went to bed at 9. Went to sleep at gone 11 😩😩)

I'm glad you're gonna tell him to piss off! 🥰

Loads of men are like this, just absolute twats - it's good to have a good rinsing sesh, laugh away the awkwardness

Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance.

Call it off.

I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally.

Your confusion about boundary setting is making you vulnerable. He is taking advantage. Call it off.

I do feel like it's creepy for us to have had 1 conversation about it and then for him to keep laying it on me without any indication from me that its something I'd enjoy.

Exactly. Creepy behaviour. Call it off.

I don't give a flying fuck what his "kink" is. It makes no difference. Call it off.

And don't just tell him that you're not interested in this kink, make it clear you are not interested in any kind of relationship with him. And stick to it. He's a boundary pusher and he has clocked that you get confused about boundaries. If you continue to show any kind of interest in him them he's not going to stop.