To think living at home at 27 isn’t shameful?

[Isthismykarma]

I’m 27. I did everything right that they tell you to. Moved back home after uni to save up a deposit, both my partner and I took on second seasonal jobs working weekends to save up, moved to a cheaper area to afford the house prices, took advantage of government buying schemes etc. We even didn’t buy takeaway coffee and avocados!
Fastforward a couple of years and we’ve broken up due to his infidelity. I never saw it coming so couldn’t have prevented this. The house sale is going through, I will barely get a couple of grand out of the sale, I could never afford to buy somewhere new on my own. No equity was built. So I’m now 27, back in my mums box room with nothing to show for it.
She’s happy to have me, we both have more of a housemates arrangement and enjoy the company. She hates living alone and so do I. She enjoys the rent money from me too. E Renting a one bed flat would see most of my wage swallowed up each month, I think I’d be borderline living in poverty, no spare cash for holidays nights out or saving. I could stay at my mums maybe a couple of more years and get a good chunk of savings back together, if I meet someone again maybe buy with them, if not then maybe move out at about 29/30 so I have a chunk that I could use as a deposit if I ever was in the position to buy again.
veryone keeps asking me what my next steps are and to be honest I don’t see the rush yet. AIBU to not wanting to be moving back out straight away and just wanting to be back in the family home for maybe a couple of years? Does this make me a bit of a non-starter? I just feel like I did everything right and it got me nowhere lol

Not at all!

As long as you're paying your way and helping with housework and chores etc, and your parents are OK with it, it's fine! Ignore the haters, and the nosey busybodies. It's nobody's business what you do! (Or if you choose to live 'at home' til you're 45!)

!

i take it you don’t live in london or the south east?! where is more common than not

tbf

enquiring about op’s next steps isn’t “hating” anything

I live in Manchester where house prices are extortionate. My group of friends have all been with partners since teenagers and bought at around 24 like I did, they had financial gifts and inheritance, and I moved to a cheap area after working two jobs. as a group I think we’re outside the norm and probably not representative of the average 27 year olds in our area, but guess it’s difficult to not compare to your mates

It's absolutely up to you.

DH moved home at 26 because of a relationship break down. Stayed for a year, hated it, moved out to a doer-upper home and hasn't been back since. I didn't have a home to go back too, so have always had to rent. Everyone does it differently.

I think, if I was you, I'd want a set plan as to how much you're going to save and how, so you know your future plan, or you risk the years running away, or your mum getting dependant on you living there and not wanting you to leave - but if you can realistically stay for 2 years and rebuild a deposit, then that makes a lot of sense, if everyone is happy.

I bought a shared ownership on my own, mid 20's (never again, huge con) and realised that I was paying for walls and not a life. Moved home, got on amazingly with parents and I too had comments, told those making the comments to not compare my life to theirs and I was very happy, were they? Doesn't matter about others, just about you and yours and do what makes you happy. Trying to do as others believe you should always ends in tears imo.

buying at 24

i was living in a house share in london having an absolute blast. Responsibility free.

Yeah in fairness I can’t say I’m receiving hate, but definitely from some a slight judgement when I say I’m in no rush for anything yet.
Overall people have been really supportive after a difficult year.

who are these people in your life that you feel are “judging” you?

Maybe not actual hate - but judgement and scorn. From people who it's fuck-all to do with. This doesn't come from a place of love and kindness does it?!

!

I love that for you! I certainly am enjoying the extra cash in my pocket each month!

Sounds fun! The average flat share in Manchester is more than my mortgage was though, I felt very lucky to not have financial stress even though I’ve been stung now

Personally Im only a few years older than you. I moved out at 19 and could never of moved back home I prefer my independence (and yes I have a good relationship with my folks!)

But you do you. The price of everything nowadays is sickening.

A family member, a colleague and a mate. My closest have been nothing but supportive which I suppose is all that matters. I just posted my situation to see if they were being too kind and the judgy ones maybe had a point that I should be fleeing the nest lol

a “friend” has made you feel ashamed and judged?

I moved out at 18 for uni and when I moved back at 22 GOD I hated it! I couldn’t wait to move out and have my independence back.
Now that I’m back at 27, I thought it would be even worse this time round, but I actually love it somehow! I think maybe my mum saw me still as a kid then whereas now it’s more of a housemate vibe.

Slightly yes, nothing that warrants a confrontation, I just noted it and carried on. I can be sensitive though so they probably weren’t being mean, just seemed genuinely surprised I’d choose to live at home at this age.

Whatever works for you OP. Ignore judgemental people.

I would rather have chewed my arm off than lived with my parents post 18.

Try being 39 and still living at home. Get judged so much it's unreal.
I'm not lucky enough to have a partner who pays the mortgage, or lucky enough to have good health. I hate my life and feel extremely trapped.

Just to add... stop being hard on yourself. The line about not foreseeing or preventing your partners infidelity made me cry a little on the inside.

It's all on him sweetie. Not you. And living with folks while you get your savings back up is perfectly normal.

Focus on yourself for a bit and try and find ways of not judging yourself for other people's views and actions.

I'm the same. I moved out at 19 and would never move back in with parents. I guess it's different priorities. I prioritise independence. I could happily sit in my own home on my own with no spare money for holidays etc than live with parents and being able to holiday etc.

This is what people have said “do you not want to be independent?”. I don’t feel any less independent in honesty. My day to day living is still the same except it isn’t my name on the rent book I guess.

Thank you, this is a very kind message!

I think you are looking at it wrong.

You have an opportunity to build up saving ti start again, an opportunity most people would love to have.

It'd fantastic that you can do this and have a great relationship with your mum.

There's zero judgment from most decent people.

No shame in living at home at any age IMO ,