To think living at home at 27 isn’t shameful?

[Isthismykarma]

I’m 27. I did everything right that they tell you to. Moved back home after uni to save up a deposit, both my partner and I took on second seasonal jobs working weekends to save up, moved to a cheaper area to afford the house prices, took advantage of government buying schemes etc. We even didn’t buy takeaway coffee and avocados!
Fastforward a couple of years and we’ve broken up due to his infidelity. I never saw it coming so couldn’t have prevented this. The house sale is going through, I will barely get a couple of grand out of the sale, I could never afford to buy somewhere new on my own. No equity was built. So I’m now 27, back in my mums box room with nothing to show for it.
She’s happy to have me, we both have more of a housemates arrangement and enjoy the company. She hates living alone and so do I. She enjoys the rent money from me too. E Renting a one bed flat would see most of my wage swallowed up each month, I think I’d be borderline living in poverty, no spare cash for holidays nights out or saving. I could stay at my mums maybe a couple of more years and get a good chunk of savings back together, if I meet someone again maybe buy with them, if not then maybe move out at about 29/30 so I have a chunk that I could use as a deposit if I ever was in the position to buy again.
veryone keeps asking me what my next steps are and to be honest I don’t see the rush yet. AIBU to not wanting to be moving back out straight away and just wanting to be back in the family home for maybe a couple of years? Does this make me a bit of a non-starter? I just feel like I did everything right and it got me nowhere lol

Definitely! I feel so lucky every day for all of the help I’ve had, I wouldn’t have made it through this past year without my family.
I lost what I thought was a lovely partner, my car, my house and all the stuff in it, it was a nasty shock and starting again has been demoralising but I understand not everyone has the incredible support system I do.

the idea of buying a property and settling down at 24 would have been SO unappealing to me

and same with my DC

I left home at 18 and wouldn’t have felt comfortable moving back. My DC moved in with their partner at 24. I’ve said his home is always here if he wants or needs to come back and I stand by that. We often go away together and we get along well. If DC said they wanted to come home and save for a deposit (with their partner or by themself) I’d welcome them. They’re renting at moment and I know they couldn’t afford to save for a deposit.

You get along with your mum and that’s lovely - she will enjoy having you there. And life is for living - no one wants to spend every last penny on bills and not be able to even afford a bottle of wine at the weekend or a night out. The people who make comments to you about your living arrangements are bitter and jealous.

One day you’ll look back on this extra time living with your mum and you’ll be really glad that you had it. For however long it lasts - enjoy it.

I guess everyone is different! It was better than living at home, and cheaper than paying market rent so had more money for fun stuff. Obviously it ended up being with the wrong person, but I loved having my own lovely space and also the advantage of extra cash from not having to rent for holidays and nights out with my friends.

i’d distance yourself from that “friend” and family member

and work… i doubt this person really cares so i just wouldn’t mention again

Not shameful. If you both enjoy each other's company, why on earth not?!

Some of us don't have mums who we'd feel comfortable going on holiday with, let alone living with, but that's not your situation (happily for you) so ignore any snide comments.

definitely more common up north

If you were my my DD I'd be so proud of you OP. You worked hard on 2 jobs, saved and bought a house. You couldn't have known your partner was a cheating rat. You had the good sense to throw him back. You've made the best of the situation sold the house and moved back with your Mum. She enjoys your company and it will be cheaper for you to save again. The arrangement benefits you both. Next time you'll pick your partner more carefully. My eldest DS didn't leave home until he was 33 and could buy and he moved to a cheaper area too. My younger DS moved out when he was 27 to buy his house. They were both good company and did their fair share around the house. My youngest DS is a fabulous cook. Take your time and don't be in a rush to move out until you're sure you are ready.

Thank you! They definitely aren’t necessarily people who’s opinions I particularly value, but as they aren’t as close I wondered if maybe they were being more truthful, and the people closest to me who said it was fine were being too nice if that makes sense haha

Op live for today.

Be happy and secure xxx

You & your mom get on, & you’re saving towards your next step. You’re doing just fine.

I’m in Manchester where rent is extortionate and because I got my house on a government scheme in a crappy area it was so much cheaper every month, it was great for me and I felt very lucky

It’s not shameful and logical in your circumstances, you have to live somewhere.
Overall I agree that you need to have a plan and better not to stay for longer then 2 years otherwise you and mum might end up relying on each other too much.
You don’t owe explanations to anyone but it’s better to have ready prepared answers depending who is asking about your living arrangements. E.g. I rent a room (for those very brief passing conversations when no one see each other ever again).
Or I’m saving for a deposit at the moment.
I know from experience that if your situation is non standard (in your circle) it’s tempting for people to talk about it, ask your questions and give ( unsolicited) advices so it’s better to be in control of this: don’t complain about your mum too much and generally have “distraction” topics ready.

Thank you, this is a really kind message!

If you and your DM are happy with the situation that's all that matters. It's got nothing to do with anyone else and they need to mind their own business.

no i meant the idea that settling down and buying a property at 24

harder down south
but also… not very appealing to many in their early twenties anyway!

I moved home after uni and would have been there until about 23/24 if I hadn’t switched to living with now DH. and that was … a while ago.

i think there will be a return to multigenerational households and i fully expect my kids to live at home for their 20s (unless they marry and move out). It’s too expensive to live alone.

colleagues of mine who still live with parents tend not to have partners and it’s cheaper and nicer for the generations to live together. Grandparents can easily do childcare and housekeeping, while their millennial kids bring in cash. Seems to work well.

did you used to think anyone in their mid twenties at home was something to be shameful about?

presumably not

So you really didn’t need validation that something as innocuous as this isn’t shameful

I’d be happy to have kids at home as long as they were actually saving money, really saving it for a deposit.
Firmly believe parent job is to teach children to be able to support selves, & any children they have.

I'm going to be honest here and say that when I was dating in my 20s I would have found a 27 year-old single man still living with his parents a complete turn off.

However your situation is a bit different in that you did buy a property and move out, but your ex fucked things up.

Advice I would give to myself at your age. Stop giving a fck what anyone else thinks.

50 was too old to learn this lesson.

There’s a disappointing bingo sheet in these types of threads where posters let the OP know that they moved out as soon as possible, they can’t fathom how another person could live with their parents, they strongly suggest there’s a form time limit and usually remind the OP that they aren’t really truly living an adult life until they live alone. It’s a bit sad to read these posts.

Living alone or in a share house works for some and living with multiple generations works for others. All great! In many cultures it’s expected that multiple generations will live together. If you get along well with family (parents or otherwise) then it’s great to share bills, enjoy each others company and help each other out. It’s not really different from living with anyone else. If you don’t want to live alone right now then don’t. Live with anyone who makes life better right now (parents or otherwise). We have a mental health crisis in our society. Living alone and in poverty to feel independent and grown is a recipe for poor mental health. Enjoy your life and live with family for as long as it works for you!

I moved out at 29. That gave me chance to save a deposit for a house.
I paid rent, did my fair share round the house.
I didn't mind and more to the point neither did my parents.

The people that said something were awful, talk about kicking someone when they are going through a difficult time that was not of their own making.

Sure but then presumably you wouldn’t have been the right person for the OP. People find all different things a turn off from not being able to drive to the type of cologne a person wears to job they have. I had a friend at Uni who had a boyfriend who was horrified that she moved out before a serious relationship because he felt she didn’t value saving and family enough.

OP if a person is turned off by this then they’re not for you and it’s better to know this early. It’s no biggie, just not the right match.