To think living at home at 27 isn’t shameful?

[Isthismykarma]

I’m 27. I did everything right that they tell you to. Moved back home after uni to save up a deposit, both my partner and I took on second seasonal jobs working weekends to save up, moved to a cheaper area to afford the house prices, took advantage of government buying schemes etc. We even didn’t buy takeaway coffee and avocados!
Fastforward a couple of years and we’ve broken up due to his infidelity. I never saw it coming so couldn’t have prevented this. The house sale is going through, I will barely get a couple of grand out of the sale, I could never afford to buy somewhere new on my own. No equity was built. So I’m now 27, back in my mums box room with nothing to show for it.
She’s happy to have me, we both have more of a housemates arrangement and enjoy the company. She hates living alone and so do I. She enjoys the rent money from me too. E Renting a one bed flat would see most of my wage swallowed up each month, I think I’d be borderline living in poverty, no spare cash for holidays nights out or saving. I could stay at my mums maybe a couple of more years and get a good chunk of savings back together, if I meet someone again maybe buy with them, if not then maybe move out at about 29/30 so I have a chunk that I could use as a deposit if I ever was in the position to buy again.
veryone keeps asking me what my next steps are and to be honest I don’t see the rush yet. AIBU to not wanting to be moving back out straight away and just wanting to be back in the family home for maybe a couple of years? Does this make me a bit of a non-starter? I just feel like I did everything right and it got me nowhere lol

Bless you, you sound lovely OP.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. Things will all work out for the best in the end xx

Son 25 daughter 26 still at home. Can't even see them moving out in the near future even though they both work full time as it is so expensive. They can stay as long as they want to. I can't see anything wrong with it nowadays.

Same situation (although I actually don't hate it). Just wanted to post to say you're not alone. Feel free to PM me if you want 🙂.

OP there's absolutely nothing shameful or embarrassing about living at home. If it's working for you, then it's great and sounds like your mum is enjoying it too. My best friend is actually 'jealous' of my setup, her parents live in India and she'd love to have them under the same roof. As long as relationships are good, I think it can work well, and it's helpful to realise that our expectations are very much culturally determined (and we can choose to let that go).

@Autumnal589 have you ever moved out?

Good for you and your mum. It sounds like a great solution. You're not going to be living at home for life but a couple of years.
One of my DC came home for a year after a hiccup in life. It was completely different to when they were teenagers or at uni. We moved things around so they had some private living space and it worked well. I'd much rather they came home than be miserable in an extortionate rental.

@allaboutsign No I haven't as unlike most of my peers, I don't have a husband or partner who can pay the mortgage and I also have health issues.
I know women earning less than 10k with no kids who live in lovely homes as they are on the main paid for by their partner. The ones who judge me are usually older people, those with wealthy partners or those who inherit. Not to mention those who are lucky enough to not be struck down with health issues before they have hit 40.

I know many will say I am making excuses but some are not aware of their privilege or luck.

These people who are judging you. How would their lives hold up if they had been thrown into chaos through no fault of their own like you.

While I don't dwell on things most people are a day away from disaster

And? I bought a flat in a city centre in the 2000s when I was 24 and had an absolute blast too. Had lots of friends to go out with, but really enjoyed not having to share my own space if I didn't feel like it. Different people want different things, and have different opportunities and resources. Buying a home doesn't mean you can't also have fun.

OP, I'm also with parents, and I am much older than you. Mine is for health reasons - I had my own place for many years but sadly my health took a sudden and unexpected nosedive a few years ago and I could no longer afford, or manage, to live on my own.

I don't care what anyone thinks. Everyone in my household is happy with the arrangement, and we're trying to make the best of a bloody rotten situation. The last few years have been hell. I am so grateful to have the support of my parents, without them I would have ended up on the streets, through no fault of my own. People who judge for living at home don't understand how quickly life can fall apart - and lucky them.

Crack on doing whatever is best for you and yours, OP, and forget everybody else. It's not their life and they do not get a say.

was it in Glasgow?

I'm a mum with a son currently in your situation of living at home in his mid twenties, and this is my perspective as the parent when an adult child returns.

My son was a tough teen to live with. Couldn't be told a thing. Always knew best. He had two cracks at university, then travelled the world, all while working and fiercely independent. I never imagined he would be the one to come home for a few years, and tbh, I had mild dread when he asked to return 😂

My god, it's been brilliant. Just brilliant.

I seriously wouldn't have missed a minute of getting to live with him as an adult. Of getting to truly know him. It has more than made up for all those teen years. Now he has a decent deposit and will shortly move into his own place, I will REALLY miss him.

It's been such an unexpected joy. Hang on to that thought maybe, if anyone negs you.

Of course it's not shameful, some people literally have no choice.

Not at all. It’s not a failure to launch on your part, you launched very successfully and life has just happened to you as it will to most of us. I think I’d quite like to live with my dc as adults in the right circumstances but couldn’t have stood to live with my own mother past 18 and was gone as soon as possible, I was poor for a while but it was preferable.

You sound like you are doing fine op, dont feel bad.

Think my 19 daughter will do the same tbh. She's autistic and boys seem to irritate her. She hates being in debt and says she will save for a deposit on a house. She also loves living with me. I don't think I will mind one bit if she's 27 and still living with me.

I'm expecting my DC to be living with me for quite a while, they are currently at uni.

I would rather they live with me than in an HMO or paying private rent. I'm predicting a steep rise in council tax. Utilities are pretty much fixed costs so it makes sense that people live together. We're lucky though as it's a good size house.

Longer ago it was completely normal to live at home with parents as an adult. DH lived with his until we got married and his parents lived with MIL's parents until they had saved up a house deposit.

As long as you and your DM are both happy with the arrangement it is fine. DH was treated more as a housemate by his parents and did his share of housework, cooking, and looking after the house and garden. It wouldn't have worked if I had lived with my parents as my mother insisted on treating me as a child - I had a 10 p.m. curfew at the age of 21 and generally smothered me.

i absolutely love this post

I think it's sad if you had never left home and at 27 were still living with your mum but your circumstances mean that you are returning home temporarily and you and your mum get in so it's a great time for you to spend time together, you can save and she gets some extra financial help if she needs it.

Well it's going to be 'sad' for a lot of 27 year olds then as where I live, they are all at home, and if single, which a lot are then they will be there for a long time to come.
I really don't like the patronising talk some give. Rents and housing costs are out of control, nobody should be made to feel like they are pitied but sadly there are always those who judge.

@ilovepuppies2019 · Today 16:16

There’s a disappointing bingo sheet in these types of threads where posters let the OP know that they moved out as soon as possible, they can’t fathom how another person could live with their parents, they strongly suggest there’s a form time limit and usually remind the OP that they aren’t really truly living an adult life until they live alone. It’s a bit sad to read these posts.

I thought this too. The smuggery is strong from a few posters on this thread.

Oh I could NEVER have still been living at home with my parents at 27! Perish the thought! 😱'I prefer independence, oh I am sooooooo superior, oh how SAD is THAT still living with parents at 27! la la la!

That snarky attitude just tells me that the OP has a stronger/better relationship with her mum than they do. (And the smug posts have a faint whiff of envy about them.) There are some proper shitty posts on here!

I would have been living with my folks at 27 had I not met my DH at 23, and moved into a housing association flat at 25 with him! £23 a week it was then (early 1990s.) Good times. Even now that would only be £55-60 a week.

Then after 3 years we bought our own house! But yeah, you're doing nothing wrong or 'shameful' @Isthismykarma

also makes you wonder how they are with own adult child doesn’t it?

Yeah definitely!

Agree, I’m incredibly envious as my mother was an alcoholic in and out of violent relationships and I wish like anything we could have had a strong relationship so there is absolutely nothing “shitty” in my post thank you, just trying to make light of a very traumatic situation for a young person. Your post on the other hand..

you weren’t quoted in that post so why so indignant?