To think living at home at 27 isn’t shameful?

[Isthismykarma]

I’m 27. I did everything right that they tell you to. Moved back home after uni to save up a deposit, both my partner and I took on second seasonal jobs working weekends to save up, moved to a cheaper area to afford the house prices, took advantage of government buying schemes etc. We even didn’t buy takeaway coffee and avocados!
Fastforward a couple of years and we’ve broken up due to his infidelity. I never saw it coming so couldn’t have prevented this. The house sale is going through, I will barely get a couple of grand out of the sale, I could never afford to buy somewhere new on my own. No equity was built. So I’m now 27, back in my mums box room with nothing to show for it.
She’s happy to have me, we both have more of a housemates arrangement and enjoy the company. She hates living alone and so do I. She enjoys the rent money from me too. E Renting a one bed flat would see most of my wage swallowed up each month, I think I’d be borderline living in poverty, no spare cash for holidays nights out or saving. I could stay at my mums maybe a couple of more years and get a good chunk of savings back together, if I meet someone again maybe buy with them, if not then maybe move out at about 29/30 so I have a chunk that I could use as a deposit if I ever was in the position to buy again.
veryone keeps asking me what my next steps are and to be honest I don’t see the rush yet. AIBU to not wanting to be moving back out straight away and just wanting to be back in the family home for maybe a couple of years? Does this make me a bit of a non-starter? I just feel like I did everything right and it got me nowhere lol

Well, yabu if you plan to go through life worrying about what others think - trust me, the sooner you stop doing that the happier you’ll be!

You are also bu to think it’s too old to be living with your mum. Honestly - there are many, many people in our society who don’t live with a partner/kids. That’s what most advertising is aimed at, but it really is not the case for everyone - there are so very many people who alone, with friends, or with other family members.

it sounds as if you and your mum are happy with your current set up - I’m happy for you!

If you look, nobody is quoted but in case some of our posts may be being misinterpreted as smug without anybody knowing the background I just wanted to point out that sometimes its actually quite the opposite. Hope this is ok.

I think it’s important for a person’s development to move out at some point in early adulthood. However, I think as long as this has been trialed, it doesn’t hinder anyone to move home (e.g. after uni).

It is so hard right now to afford rent or a mortgage on your own. It sounds like a mutually beneficial solution for both you and your mum. Also, I realise some people love their own space and living alone, but having company at home is really important for others and there’s nothing wrong in that at all.

I don't have a problem with people living at home, but I do think it's very entitled to say you're doing so because of house prices as if you're too good to rent like everyone else.

Exactly this. Projecting much?!

What a ridiculous comment!

but your post wasn’t anything like what the poster was referring to 😕

It’s only shameful if you are not taking advantage of the opportunity. You have a chance to save. If you use it while being a considerate housemate, you are being a savvy adult. If you squander it or expect your mother to clean up after you, then you are a failure to launch.

I’m happy to have our daughter back home if she uses her time with us to maximize her financial stability.

Your mums happy, you are happy. And you do have a bit of plan. Doesn't really matter what others think does it.

Some people just tend to be a bit nosy and curious.

Very pointed post there or at the very least highly insensitive as I’ve just mentioned my mother’s alcoholism. How ugly.

Sounds like a great idea. People are probably just interested and trying to make conversation also people often get sick of living with their parents.

the poster talks about parents

and you think that she’s making a point about parents with serious mental health issues such as your mother?

I have zero affiliation with that poster… but i don’t see how on earth you could have interpreted it as ever remotely referring to anything in your post

Me neither. I am so confused. I don't know what I am meant to have said or done. I think that poster is getting me confused with someone else somehow. I'm not engaging with her again now.

OP - it's always been normal for adult DC to live at home in their 20s. Some on MN like to make out it's weird. It's not.

And southerners bang on about how it's just about acceptable in the SE or London because it's soooo expensive there but rent and mortgages in the north and the Midlands are expensive for us because we don't have London wages!

You are definitely not a freeloader; you pay rent and I imagine you don't treat your mum like your housekeeper so I don't see the harm in you living at home as long as you and your mum are happy about the arrangment.
What most people (myself included) judge is when adults are staying on at home and acting like they were still teenagers not paying rent/helping out having mum cook, clean and do your laundry etc. That's called freeloading and refusing to grow up. My DH stayed with his parents until 27 saving up for mortgage. I wasn't in his position, moved out at 17 and due to strained relations never went back. You're lucky to have a good relationship with your mother and maybe people are just jealous of that? You can tell people who are passing judgment on you that not all of us are born into wealth and can afford a mortgage and luckily you are very happy to spend a couple of years with your mother because it works out great for both of you.

Hi my DD has moved back home last year age 27 she left to go to uni and then back then travelled then rented with friends we are in London and it was a ridiculous amount of rent. She asked to move back in. It helps me with the contribution she gives me also whats not lovely about having you adult DD living you. We both get on with our own lives and leads a independent life. She has saved enough to be able to fill an ambition of hers which she never would have been able to do without moving back home. If it works for you don't listen to anyone else. She is going in January. And the older DD and her boyfriend might be moving in for 6 months just before they are in a position to buy. Op how wonderful that you have this brilliant relationship with your mum. In Europe it's not unusual for families to live together. X

@wheredidthetime · Today 20:17

Hi my DD has moved back home last year age 27 she left to go to uni and then back then travelled then rented with friends we are in London and it was a ridiculous amount of rent. She asked to move back in. It helps me with the contribution she gives me also whats not lovely about having you adult DD living you. We both get on with our own lives and leads a independent life. She has saved enough to be able to fill an ambition of hers which she never would have been able to do without moving back home.

Exactly! My 2 DC left 10 or 11 years ago for Uni and when they finished Uni, they didn't want to come back because we moved out into the sticks - 18 to 20 miles from the town we had always lived in. And they live in that town now.

We see them 2 or 3 times a month though, and that's lovely. But I'd love to live in a big 4 or 5 bedroom house and have them living with us. We live in a little 2 bed cottage now, so there's not much room, but they could always come back if they needed to.

They'd always be welcome and we'd find room for them. 😄

From experience I don't think you grow up and appreciate the realities of caring for a place until you have moved out for a time. After that, it doesn't matter if you move back in. People who have moved out and then back tend to contribute more to the household and respect what their parents are doing and paying which is the important thing.

I moved back home for a time after being overseas. My brother did after a breakup. Even deciding to stay with your parent/s on an ongoing basis makes sense if you have a respectful adult relationship.

Do what suits you

However, I am curious

Could you have rented out your property & gone back to live with your DM ?

Could you have stayed in the property & rented out a spare room ?

I took my 2 children and moved back in with my mum for 6 months after a bereavement. I was 30.
I don't think anyone thought that was strange at all. Also, who cares.
I also didn't pay any rent in that time as she wouldn't accept it. I did do all the chores in the house though and buy all the food and cook for everyone. It was a lot easier when I moved back out into my own house.
My children would be welcome to come home at any time/ age when they are older. I think it's only shameful if you never leave home, don't work and scrounge off family as an adult leaving your parents short of money. If you are staying with family to better yourself and get a deposit together then I think that's a great idea.

I'm really sorry for what's happened. Not at all what you would have planned when you bought this property with him.

Stay with your mum and enjoy this time. You're 27 which, for what it's worth, is young. But, in any case, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

You're doing fine, OP.

I don't agree at all that it is 'wrong ' to never leave home. Of course it's not what most people want but financially many can't afford to go it alone. Saying stuff like that is really short sighted and rude in my opinion.
As I have noted before, many people don't have the privilege of meeting a partner who can provide for them. They aren't born into wealth, inherit early, get given large deposits or have good health. The people who make comments saying it is weird or wrong to live at home are the ones who don't recognise their own privilege.