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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to just avoid people as much as I can until I die now

586 replies

OptimismvsRealism · 09/11/2024 14:03

Sure there are still some great people out there but most are awful stressful thick rude shovey mean argggg

Friends can still come to me but no outside

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Arraminta · 10/11/2024 21:24

Yes, just yes.

I only want to spend time with DH, our DDs, my lovely Auntie and a handful of good friends. I'm not remotely interested in anyone else. A friend from university has recently got in touch via FB and is very keen to meet up, but all I feel is annoyance (yes, I know that's bad).

I still use a paper calendar, and use a paper diary. I still send Christmas cards and write them with a beautiful fountain pen. I love my quiet past times of reading, needlepoint, reading, jigsaws and reading.

DH and I went away this weekend. Didn't speak to anyone else, in fact DH and I didn't chat all that much. But we wandered around hand in hand, ate some lovely food, read books and went to bed early.

It was bliss.

Stevie66j · 10/11/2024 21:30

This is so me !!!

Aim4Lesscortisol · 10/11/2024 21:33

This is so relateable - I find myself daydreaming about remote places to live

mommatoone · 10/11/2024 21:36

OP - It has taken probably 30 years of my adult life to put myself first and stop engaging with self absorbed dickheads. Don't get me wrong, I come from a close family and have a few good friends - but I totally understand where you are coming from. Put your feelings first. As the saying goes 'Life Is not a rehearsal ' x

TheMamaLife · 10/11/2024 21:50

I think we all either have or will get to a point in life where we’ve amassed enough friends, and jettisoned the people who might have been a drain on us in one way or another. I long for that day… I want to love my inner circle and outer circle, but I don’t want the “hi / bye” mates … I give a lot to people I care about and am starting to realise I’m in danger of spreading myself too thin in my giving nature as there are many who don’t come anywhere near to deserving / reciprocating.

Butchyrestingface · 10/11/2024 21:52

ForGreyKoala · 10/11/2024 20:08

I'm retired now but spent almost 50 years in a customer facing role dealing with members of the public. I never hated the public during any of those years (I only fully retired this year). However, I have encountered some people who shouldn't be in customer service roles at all as they seem to have no clue about what it involves. What is stopping you getting a job where you don't have to interact with the public if you find it so difficult?

What gave you the impression I was talking about myself? I wasn't. I was hazarding a guess as to the reasons "some posters" may feel that way.

RampantIvy · 10/11/2024 21:59

They're clearly not fascinating. They're very predictable and most of them are not interesting chat.

I can't work out whether you are just being deliberatey goady or whether you genuinely believe that you are a superior human being to the rest of us.

I thought first off it was very sad, that OP was going through a very difficult time. Then I wondered if it's just that OP is ND and is struggling with the world as it is. But no. I think there's a lot more unpleasantness in the way that OP is responding to people.

I agree @ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea

I don't disagree that there are a lot of shallow, inane, boring, self important people around. I just don't associate with them. I surround myself with kind, considerate, generous, respectful people. The difference is that I don't assume that everyone is the formaer until I get to know them.

Yes. Cats are much nicer.
Grin Cats are fabulous, but so are some people.

People who never taught themselves to reenter society have now lost all their social “muscle” feel inadequate and isolated and try to turn it back onto wider society and insist it’s everyone else’s fault and being a misanthropic hermit (or “introvert” as it’s wrongly described) is the one true path. Its slightly cultish and very depressing.

I agree with this ^^

People on here who self identify as “introverts” often posit the idea that everyone else is out six nights a week getting shitfaced in bars, dancing on tables etc. No one is suggesting that: I’m certainly not. It’s more just being open to people as opposed to assuming they are all bastards, as the OP apparently does.

And this ^^
Most self identified introverts on this thread don't really understand what introvert and extrovert mean. DD and DH are introverted, but they aren't misanthropes. They like people and are quite comfortable engaging with strangers. They just need a lot of alone time to recharge. I'm more extroverted and don't need as much alone time to recharge. That is all.

NooNoo1979 · 10/11/2024 22:00

This …. 💯 % this!!

RampantIvy · 10/11/2024 22:07

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 10/11/2024 21:23

Not being nice on a post about how other people aren't nice, oh the irony! 😅

The OP clearly lacks the social awareness to realise this.

Portakalkedi · 10/11/2024 22:08

Agree, people are getting more selfish, inconsiderate and grabby. I've just spent 3 weeks trying to give something away for free on FB (a newish shed so cannot take to charity shop) and you would not believe how many of the people who asked I've gone through, with not turning up, asking me to deliver, or coming and telling me how I listed it wrong, etc etc. Not one of them had a clue how to go about this transaction in a civil, honest and adult fashion. Fecking twats.

StarDolphins · 10/11/2024 22:11

I agree op. If someone wants to be nice to me one minute then ignore me the next? They can fuck off. If someone has no manners? They can fuck off too. I’m absolutely fed up with flaky, entitled people. I hold those dear to me close but I now have no time for dickheads.

shehasglasses48 · 10/11/2024 22:16

Yes , sounds nice but no mobile phones, Netflix or Google?! Xx was nice but not nice x

Em1ly2023 · 10/11/2024 22:32

StopStartStop · 10/11/2024 18:11

Sounds sensible to me.
When I was 50, I made a concerted effort to connect with the world outside. I joined clubs, took up activities etc. All I got out of it was more suffering.

I've been keeping myself to myself for over a decade. It's lovely.

What happened to make you regret it & did anything positive at all come from the experiences? 💐

Kerensa70 · 10/11/2024 22:56

What a sad post

TheWildRobot · 10/11/2024 23:07

RampantIvy · 10/11/2024 10:23

And birth rates are declining across the world anyway.

That is incorrect @Lentilweaver

The global population reached nearly 8.2 billion by mid-2024 and is expected to grow by another two billion over the next 60 years, peaking at around 10.3 billion in the mid-2080s.

From the United Nations website.

You might like to read this thread, which is similar to many on mumsnet:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5205361-just-curious-whats-the-common-age-for-4th-baby?page=2&reply=139700093

Or all the threads which start with I want a third/fourth/fifth/+ baby

Population still growing and birthrates declining aren't mutually exclusive. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Maths?

TheWildRobot · 10/11/2024 23:11

It's easier than ever before to not interwct with hundreds of people. OP would not have got her 100% WFH home job even a few years ago

Also rubbish. Many people have worked remotely successfully for decades. It's become far more widespread since Covid but it by no means was a new thing at that point.

SomewhereInTheMIdlands · 11/11/2024 08:47

My sister did this a few years ago. Decided she only wanted Christmas and most other social occasions her and her boys who were in their early teens then. We were in a bad place at the time after serious illness, at which time the few friends we had, just about all abandoned us thanks to illness. Also lost career job thanks to illness and other half lost job due to offshoring. On account of this, especially sisters attitude, we returned to the UK as we had nothing left to live for in Australia. Fast forward a few years and my sisters "boys" have grown up, moved 1000s of miles away and not interested in visiting mother, not even at Christmas. The meaning in this to anyone thinking of cutting themselves off is that you might abandon the people who need you and one day, you might need them. Also, living like that is a short cut to old age.

Petitchat · 11/11/2024 09:05

SomewhereInTheMIdlands · 11/11/2024 08:47

My sister did this a few years ago. Decided she only wanted Christmas and most other social occasions her and her boys who were in their early teens then. We were in a bad place at the time after serious illness, at which time the few friends we had, just about all abandoned us thanks to illness. Also lost career job thanks to illness and other half lost job due to offshoring. On account of this, especially sisters attitude, we returned to the UK as we had nothing left to live for in Australia. Fast forward a few years and my sisters "boys" have grown up, moved 1000s of miles away and not interested in visiting mother, not even at Christmas. The meaning in this to anyone thinking of cutting themselves off is that you might abandon the people who need you and one day, you might need them. Also, living like that is a short cut to old age.

How or why is it a shortcut to old age?

Snakebite61 · 11/11/2024 09:09

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RampantIvy · 11/11/2024 09:41

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Nothing like a bit of ageism on a thread to make it full house.

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/11/2024 10:07

@Petitchat

How or why is it a shortcut to old age?

Limiting your social circle this radically definitively ages people.

I have a friend who I have known for 30+ years who has chosen to live like this and sees no one other than her husband and sisters (and me once or twice a year). She was very sociable when younger but once she got married she went down this route of “social pruning”.

She is incredibly aged by it: she’s agoraphobic and seldom leaves the house, she is morbidly obese and has lots of chronic health issues. She is desperate to retire (aged 52) in order, by her own admission, to watch TV all day undisturbed and says she has nothing to look forward to. She isn’t aware of any news or current affairs post about 1995 and hasn’t listened to any music post then.

I still love her to bits but I find it heartbreaking tbh. I am six months older than her and it feels as if she is a generation older than me and it seems so unnecessarily self limiting.

angela1952 · 11/11/2024 10:14

I only want to see people when I'm in the mood. And I want them to go when I've had enough of them. I'm very English and have never learned how to say this.
I have my GC for breakfast during the week until I take them to school. Some days that is more than enough!!
My DS drops in three times a week or so during the day and moans about his life. He can't get the idea that it is his life and it is him who needs to do something about it.

betterangels · 11/11/2024 10:17

angela1952 · 11/11/2024 10:14

I only want to see people when I'm in the mood. And I want them to go when I've had enough of them. I'm very English and have never learned how to say this.
I have my GC for breakfast during the week until I take them to school. Some days that is more than enough!!
My DS drops in three times a week or so during the day and moans about his life. He can't get the idea that it is his life and it is him who needs to do something about it.

That sounds exhausting. I'd be much less available for him to have a moan.

angela1952 · 11/11/2024 10:19

betterangels · 11/11/2024 10:17

That sounds exhausting. I'd be much less available for him to have a moan.

I would find it hard to tell him to go and get knotted when he actually appears at him door. (If he does let me know that he wants to come I often manage to be unavailable though).

Swivelhead · 11/11/2024 10:25

I used to always say hello to everyone I passed. But for many years now I have been met with blank stares or shudders or incomprehension, so I am no longer saying hello.

Now I am part of the general rude horde, it seems.

Makes me sad

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