To want to just avoid people as much as I can until I die now

[OptimismvsRealism]

Sure there are still some great people out there but most are awful stressful thick rude shovey mean argggg

Friends can still come to me but no outside

Even if we managed to wfh, do all shopping online and never ever attend any events, you still get sick and must meet drs, others in the waiting room, get your eyes checked, see the dentist, take your pet to the vets, take your children and/or parents to many appointments, walk your dogs, pay the milkman, see the window cleaner and more.

Yes, it's terrible isn't it, having to interact with all these people who help you run your life, often for minimum wage. The temerity of waiters talking to the OP when she goes to restaurants! How very dare they. Or the bus driver catching her eye when she gets on the bus. He sucks! Or an overworked and underpaid GP with the audacity to have a full waiting room ( Personally, I would cut my arm off to get an in person appointment with my GP).

I am menopausal too. So fucking what.

@Lavenderfarmcottage

These are comments about society and socialising and feeling despondent. It’s not about you or a personal attack yet you’ve attacked back.

I consider someone saying they want to avoid people until they die as an attack.

An attack on people who try to do things to enhance the lives of others and themselves. An attack on the idea of society. I think it’s profoundly unhealthy and problematic.

Feeling introverted, introspective and shy I can totally understand. Trying to poison the well of social discourse with a narrative about how people are essentially a negative force and something to avoid, that doesn’t come from a positive place.

What I can’t bear is the weaponisation of the resentment of the more socially gifted people to turn them into the enemy which is based on envy and resentment.

I agree. This happens on every introvert vs extrovert thread.

It's fine not to need other people in your life (I am married to such a person). However, it is not fine and is unhealthy to hate everyone. To find everyone, boring, horrible and stinky says more about the OP than the people she is writing about.

On so many of these types of threads people who dislike being in other people's company really do come across as being superior because they don't need other people. They think those who enjoy human interaction are needy. They are puzzled that some of us don't wish to put a cap on the number of friends we have.

I am choosy about the company I keep and am lucky to have some lovely workmates (workmates, not colleagues), neighbours that I have become friends with, other friends and friends from my hobby groups.

We don't live near family so we do invest more time in cultivating good friends.

Feeling introverted, introspective and shy I can totally understand. Trying to poison the well of social discourse with a narrative about how people are essentially a negative force and something to avoid, that doesn’t come from a positive place.

You have articulated this far better than I might have done @Thepeopleversuswork

I don't hate everyone as the OP does - and a few others seem to too! 😬 But this post does resonate for me quite a bit. There are too many people on the planet, and we are wrecking the planet. It's so sad.

I live away from it all though thankfully... In a beautiful little rural village 2.5 miles from the nearest A road, proper tucked away in the fields, and nobody comes here unless they live here. It doesn't go anywhere except to farms. Only two roads out. One north west and one south east. Can be problematic if there is deep snow or someone hits the canal bridge and knocks the debris all over the road. Or there are roadworks. (Potholes being fixed, or some kind of work being done like the waterboard, or new internet...) But problems getting in and out are rare.

But yeah, we have had house builders trying to buy land bordering the village to build multiple 100s of shitty generic little starter homes, but it's been vetoed every time. There's some caveat in the Village Scriptures or something from 200+ years ago, that said 'limited building of new properties in this village.' Only 75 are allowed to be built in any 100 year period. (And no more than 25 in any given 25 year period.) A really old bye-law.

Consequently, only 75 properties have been built in a century. 20 or so around 1910-1913, then another 20 or so in 1937 to 1938, then another 20-22 in the late 1960s, and about 13 in 2000 and 2001. Nothing since.

I think they've given up bothering (the housebuilders) because they are hugely limited - and also, there is nothing here. (Apart from a Church, one pub, and a Parish Hall where half a dozen hobby groups meet and they have coffee mornings, and the like....). No public transport or shops, and a tiny primary school with 35 pupils. So they may find multiples 100s of generic newbuild starter homes hard to sell. (The closest little market town is 4 miles away.)

20 years ago, there were several shops here and a daily bus service, but it all shut down around around 2005 to 2009. (Making no money.) We love it though. As long as you've got a car you're fine. The little market town is only 7-8 minutes drive away. (And you can cycle it in about 20 minutes.)

Wouldn't suit everyone, but it's so quiet and peaceful. Woodlands at the back, canal at the side, and the river down the hill about a mile away to the front. Utter Heaven. 😍

.

If you find dealing with your windowcleaner or your waiter or your milkman or your GP or people in your gym so tedious, clean your own damn windows, get your own milk, self-medicate yourself, work out at home. No one is stopping you from going all Ted Kaczynski. No one at all.

And birth rates are declining across the world anyway.

That is incorrect @Lentilweaver

The global population reached nearly 8.2 billion by mid-2024 and is expected to grow by another two billion over the next 60 years, peaking at around 10.3 billion in the mid-2080s.

From the United Nations website.

You might like to read this thread, which is similar to many on mumsnet:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5205361-just-curious-whats-the-common-age-for-4th-baby?page=2&reply=139700093

Or all the threads which start with I want a third/fourth/fifth/+ baby

I actually did. I don't have children and this was part of the reason.

On so many of these types of threads people who dislike being in other people's company really do come across as being superior because they don't need other people. They think those who enjoy human interaction are needy. They are puzzled that some of us don't wish to put a cap on the number of friends we have.

I actually wish I wasn't so intolerant because it would make my life easier. I don't hate most people on an individual level but I really struggle with crowds and noise. I've let my social circle dwindle as I've gotten older and I know I need to make more of an effort.

Humans are supposed to be social but as a PP says we haven't evolved to live in such a large society.

I've made threads myself about being antisocial but the irony of doing so on a forum full of people was not lost on me 😂

That's well done! .I am sure I have read about birth rates declining but perhaps that's tangential to the main point of the thread.
I think its ok to not like crowds and large gatherings. I dont like weddings myself. But its not because I think everyonw at them sucks.

I don't hate most people on an individual level but I really struggle with crowds and noise

You sound like my DH.

@OptimismvsRealism

You don't seem socially gifted you seem like a big blunderbuss.

I’m not particularly socially gifted, nor have I claimed to be.

But by definition I am more socially inclined than someone who claims to want never to see another person until they die. You don’t have to be a sparkling wit, just to not be an arsehole to people. It’s pretty basic.

I hear you. I’m blaming the perimenopause but to be honest I think I’m getting fed up with people in general.

I also think you have to be wary of arguing that not being social +++ is abnormal.
Humans may be social creatures, who are meant to live in groups, but we aren’t actually meant to have to interact with hundreds of people we don’t really know. Just the other people in the tribe.

It's easier than ever before to not interwct with hundreds of people. OP would not have got her 100% WFH home job even a few years ago

Well maybe that’s a good thing?
Just to be clear I’m not arguing the case for complete isolation here. Family and friends are still needed.

Yes it is terrible. The random people who will jog into you and push you off the pavement as a bus hurtles by (my worst of these, the guy shrieked in my face to get me to leap out of his way). The GP receptionist taking discernible delight in refusing you access to treatment for a painful condition. The neighbour who leaves notes on cars in the street (YOU ARE PARKED INCONSIDERATELY in psycho cursive). The waiter who meets your eyes as you try to gesture for the bill, smirks and walks away. The guy on the bus who doesn't take his coat or backpack off and wedges you painfully into the window as five teenagers listen to five different Spotify lists without headphones. Cough cough cough slamming the window shut all the better to ensure we must sit and stew in lung butter for the length of a commute. Deliveroo drivers racing on electric bikes across pavements and through green men. Dog walkers leaving their pets' shit strewn up the pavement in various states of decay.

I just can't wait not to be part of this arseholefest any longer.

Like a pp I just dont understand the rage at having to interact with people who are trying to help you. Waiters for instance. Just order a burger at home.

@pointswinprizes

I also think you have to be wary of arguing that not being a social +++ is abnormal

I don’t think anyone is saying not being a naturally social person is abnormal. People have always varied in their need for social contact and that’s fine.

What is abnormal (and in my view unhealthy) is perceiving everyone outside your immediate family or circle as dangerous, threatening or a negative influence, fearing routine social interactions and wanting to celebrate your perspective on the world.

GP waiting rooms are never full any more btw. Not many people know this as it's so hard to get a face to face appointment.

Maybe your nose is too close to your arse.

I think you're what used to be called an oddball. Nothing deeper or more thought provoking than that.

Yeah, with your latest update, I continue to repeat that you are deeply depressed. I know because I have been depressed myself. But as you angrily insist that you are not, I guess this thread has run its course.

I dont know what you mean about not wanting to be part of this arseholefest any more but doesn't sound good.

How old is old? If you're retired, for example, you wouldn't be working in a customer facing role having to deal with members of the public for 40+ hours a week, which is probably at least partially responsible for homicidal misanthropic feelings in some posters.

Yes teenagers are extremely annoying and I can't bear the blaring phones either. Public transport is awful. People slamming windows shut though - you can't really shut bus windows without slamming them and if you're sat behind them you get freezing cold wind in your face. And how many people are actually smelly? I can think of a handful of times I've been around smelly people but most people smell fine.

And as for the other examples - what percentage of people is this realistically? How many waiters have actually ignored you? I went through a rage filled "everyone is a cunt" phase that kept getting worse and my Dad asked me "Realistically what percentage of people you meet are rude and aggressive?" and I realised he was right - it's a small number of people but we naturally fixate on the negative.

All of this. Or just admit ‘I am a misanthrope’, or ‘I am someone who lacks the social skills to relate easily to other people’ (though these are possible to learn) or ‘Circumstances have meant that I’m struggling to be around peiole at the moment’.

It’s also perfectly possible to see very few people by choice, and not sit about making vast declarations about how literally everyone else in the world is dreadful. I saw a documentary last night about the founder of a Buddhist centre who’d lived essentially as a hermit for many years on its grounds, and he clearly adored people and saw the good in everyone, although he chose to live alone.

I actually wish I wasn't so intolerant because it would make my life easier. I don't hate most people on an individual level but I really struggle with crowds and noise.

@Pusheen467 that is very understandable and i think many people relate. There is a valid point in this thread somewhere and if the OP had been reasonable as you seem to be rather than sneery and nasty, she would have gotten much more support.

I personally love meeting new people and can small talk all day if needs be, i enjoy daily interactions but i get panicky in large crowded areas like train stations etc and find restaurants can be very noisy. I love a night out or a party and can dance all night but I crave alone time and get very stressed when I'm with someone 24/7, like a girls weekend away for example. People can't understand that these are different things. It's presumed if you fit into someone's category as 'sociable' then you enjoy all elements of socialising. We all have our quirks and preferences, we are all complex in our unique ways.

I know OP said a large group of humans are horrible. This is her view though and how she feels. It might mean she finds the values of people or the beliefs to not align with her own. That’s her view and she’s entitled to it. She’s not being offensive in anyway unless you are certain you’ve met her and been cast into that category. At worst op is a bit jaded by life but there could be good reason. Plenty of research to show there’s stigma and racism and bigotry in the community and people care about others less. I think it’s wrong to assume that because someone doesn’t have rose coloured glasses on they’re mean. At worst she might be a bit depressed and then again, that doesn’t make her wrong for holding that view. It could really be the case she’s had negative experiences.