My Partner Does not Remeber Childhood

[Peach0123]

Hi,

I am looking for some opinions on this situation and also some advice .

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, very happy and have 1DS. During the whole time we have been together he has never chatted about childhood, his teenage years, or now noticing any recent times.

Things come up whether watching TV, out with our DS or just in general conversation where I'll say " yeah I remember doing so amd so as a kid" or talking about teenage years, what posters were on my wall . What friends I had and how we drifted, you get where going with this. My partner has absolutely no memory of his years whatsoever. 2 memories, which are the exact same MIL talks of every single time and there's no space to ask questions there or would be first person I'd ask, he would have been about 5 then.

So there's no drip feed- I do feel he keeps alot to himself. A few months ago, went to an event and met really key people, had photos with them, he would have been buzzing with excitement. Came home and I had no idea until seeing his camera roll a few days ago he had photos with them. He told no one at all. This was a big deal for him but was brushed away like nothing.

I am so open with him and always have been, it feeling like opeing up whenever needed is not right.

I have tried to speak to him at various different times about things then felt better to stop getting nowhere to help.

stuck now, do I help. If so how?

AIBU to think 6 years I should be treated like a stranger.

Did he suffer any trauma?

Does he have no memory or he just doesn't like to talk about it? Having no memory whatsoever of your whole childhood to teenage years, is very unusual.

I think from what you're saying OP, that maybe your DH is choosing not to remember his childhood for some reason, and other than occasionally speaking about your own childhood to see if he eventually starts to open up, that you are probably better off not trying to force the issue. It could be that he was sexually abused at a young age, and has therefore chosen to block out his childhood, but I really don't think it would be wise to try and push him on this. However if this was the case, then obviously if it should come out at some point, you need to be prepared to listen, and allow him to share as much, or as little of his story as he wants to, and then encourage him to seek counselling, if necessary.

I have no childhood memories whatsoever. I suffered fairly horrific abuse and I have blocked it out. In doing so I have blocked out all good memories too. I can't even remember my wedding to my ex for example.
If that made a new partner think I was holding info back from them, that would be their issue. I can't suddenly remember stuff that I really do not know.

This was my first thought throughout the time we have been together, but he says he had a happy childhood. Just can't remember.

This is why I'm worried to be honest.

When you say childhood what do you mean? It’s actually very normal for a happy well adjusted childhood before 10 to result in very few memories.

I'm guessing he had a shit time and doesn't want to remember

I have few memories of my childhood or pretty much up to GCSEs, I have no childhood trauma that I know of, I am also aware this is weird and is actually inconvenient to me.

I do have no problem with memories as an adult.

Some people are just like that. I had a traumatic childhood yet remember loads about my childhood. I’m Irish and was raised Catholic (now I’m atheist) and find it astonishing other people raised as Catholics can’t remember their Communion or Confirmation days or first day at school.

He's a man. Things happen. He moves on. Sounds idyllic.

I remember very little of mine. I was the victim of CSA aged nine, but I don’t have many memories from before that either. It was generally a quietly unhappy upbringing. I think I chose to delete the memories.

I don’t think this is about his childhood, though. You feel he’s not forthcoming enough around you, that him not telling you he’d met ‘key people’ is him treating you ‘like a stranger’.

Thanks, you and @ScaredAndPanicky have pretty much summed up what I have been thinking. At no point have I pushed too hard just asking, although I realy want to sometimes. He thinks I'm really strange for remembering childhood (mine was no pic nic, forster home etc). He won't speak to any professionals either as "there's no issues."

I don't want to shut down so to speak, but feel like it's going to end up that way. That wouldn't be right for me to do x

I have a lot of childhood trauma. (Not sexual abuse) but 3 dad's over the course of 12 years. Last one was the worst and mentally and physically abusive.

I only realised about a year ago that I had blocked about 90% of my childhood out! It's sad as I seem to be forgetting the good times too. I'm only 32 so it's not an age problem!

Yes before 10 and also after. No teenage memories apparently or up to the day we met is the way things seem, he's in 30s.

I’m an oddity in that I have compartmentalise my life and don’t really remember things in different sections and I wouldn’t talk about meeting a celebrity for example as it’s just not in my nature. I didn’t have an abusive childhood I’ve just moved onto the next phase of my life.

Maybe you just need accept him for who is and not look for problems? By trying to drag something out of him you may do more harm.

Sounds like Memento. I don't think he can't remember, I think he CBA to tell you anything about himself.

A traumatic childhood wouldn't really explain why he didn't even mention his photos from the recent event, though, would it?

Sounds like, whatever diagnoses you may choose to apply, you are married to a secretive very private person. You might be able to get him to loosen up a little but, ime, such individuals will always keep their experiences strictly compartmentalised.

My sister has no memory prior to being around 10. I remember everything including a photo of me being at 6 months old. We both had the same childhood- v happy and secure- same mum and dad who were together throughout and in a happy marriage until dad died in our 20's. Weird I know more about her childhood than she did! Loads of photos I remember - going abroad on holiday to Spain aged 5 & 6 and we both learned to swim. No recollection from her at all- seems weird to me with all my memories - we are lucky as had a great childhood and have continued this into middle age. Oh and she does remember from her teens onwards - just the early years.

I don't remember my childhood - always thought I had a great one. Very luckily I ended up in therapy but took a long time to realise why I was really there. Not having access to the memories is potentially a protection from something - and likely not within his conscious control. Look up complex ptsd. May not apply to him but I'll tell you a little more in case it helps...

Some of my other symptoms include hypervigilance, over explaining, never feeling like I matter, binge eating, triggered in unexpected ways, depression and anxiety. I never really realised most of these things (weren't normal) - they were just my normal. I was really starting to struggle more with the food and low mood when I eventually sought help.

If it is something like that for him - I think he does need to find a way to recognise it in himself which is very difficult to do when your brain and body is working so hard to protect you from it (but really (as an adult) doing more damage than good now).

I hope he can find a way to get help.

I remember very little of my childhood to the point I thought I went to one school when I didn't
Nothing from before age 11 really except for odd bits. Don't remember any of my teachers or stuff like that

I forgot to mention dissociation - in certain situations (and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what those are and are not) I dissociate and something happens to my memory which means I don't remember them after - I can't actually nearly feel my brain clouding over...it is incredibly frustrating and definitely linked to stressful situations of some sort.

I don't remember much from my childhood and don't recall any abuse. It really bothers me sometimes but then I am becoming quite forgetful as an adult so guessing having a good memory is not my thing .

Thanks for the responses, there's probably alot to be dealt with here but feels like none of my business, when it should be. It's hard to have a relationship when the boundaries are so strict. Totally respect him but finding it hard when a basic conversation is shut down. Even his opinion on things is just a yes or no, literally everything. Surley he's been allowed his own opinion before 30 yrs old. No discussions on anything, it's very strange now putting it here tbh.
This is over 6 years, no way putting pressure on. Although my post here is to see if I should. Definitely won't 💙

He’s pulling the wool over your eyes of course he has memories! He’s just not fully committed and not sharing anything with you. I’d beware if I was you

I really hope your getting there now 💙
This is happening x

How does he know it was happy if he can’t remember anything about it? I don’t have a lot of recollection of when I was very young, really. My childhood memories are patchy, but I remember significant events, just not always the order in which they occurred. I think that’s normal? But to have no memories at all, he probably had significant trauma and is telling himself it was happy. It happens.