My Partner Does not Remeber Childhood

[Peach0123]

Hi,

I am looking for some opinions on this situation and also some advice .

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, very happy and have 1DS. During the whole time we have been together he has never chatted about childhood, his teenage years, or now noticing any recent times.

Things come up whether watching TV, out with our DS or just in general conversation where I'll say " yeah I remember doing so amd so as a kid" or talking about teenage years, what posters were on my wall . What friends I had and how we drifted, you get where going with this. My partner has absolutely no memory of his years whatsoever. 2 memories, which are the exact same MIL talks of every single time and there's no space to ask questions there or would be first person I'd ask, he would have been about 5 then.

So there's no drip feed- I do feel he keeps alot to himself. A few months ago, went to an event and met really key people, had photos with them, he would have been buzzing with excitement. Came home and I had no idea until seeing his camera roll a few days ago he had photos with them. He told no one at all. This was a big deal for him but was brushed away like nothing.

I am so open with him and always have been, it feeling like opeing up whenever needed is not right.

I have tried to speak to him at various different times about things then felt better to stop getting nowhere to help.

stuck now, do I help. If so how?

AIBU to think 6 years I should be treated like a stranger.

This is me too. No trauma. Just not strong memories. Exacerbated I think by being an only child so not have siblings to talk about - d'you remember when.
Makes me a bit sad sometimes

Some parents are very forceful about making sure children only remember what they are allowed to and in the process, train them to never, ever mention anything that isn't pre-approved.

I wonder whether his mother has trained him since infancy - 'you had a happy childhood, nothing bad ever happened to you, you were taken to Stately Homes/were never hungry/never hit/locked in cupboards/etc, nobody wants to hear about what you did, you never talk to anybody about anything, of course you did x, you've just forgotten it, that never happened, you do make things up, don't be so silly - nobody came in your room last night - you must have been dreaming, you can't possibly remember something like that happening, you have a terrible memory, I've been a wonderful, natural mother and it all just came so easily to me'.

I have few memories of my childhood because it was pretty shit and the few I do have are things like my mother shaking me and throwing me across the room. In any photos of my childhood I just look miserable and lost and I think that was how I felt.

Did your DH grow up speaking a different language to the one he uses everyday now? Assuming you are in the UK, is he British or eg from another European country?

Memories can be stored in a way that they are not accessible if you now don’t think in the language you thought in when the memories were laid down, apparently.

This is unusual behaviour but I think another explanation could be autism or other neurodevelopmental difference. As it sounds like there are some challenges with communication and with understanding social norms and expectations and what's important to you as his partner.

I think some adults feel "glad to be grown up", and don't like to think about childhood; not necessarily because of trauma, but it's a part of their life that has been and gone.

I agree with this. I did have a pretty crap childhood, but I don't feel it was traumatic in that although my mother didn't like me at all, I knew that my dad and grandparents loved me so know I spent most of my time with them. I remember not really being interested in what was going on with other children because they were different to me. I was definitely abused and that has affected me profoundly, but I think that a lot of it with me is that I just wanted to grow up and be an adult and leave childhood and children behind me.

You do realise that If you have a new identity for whatever reason,
You still do things and go to work and have a life
(I didnt say he was ‘on the run’ )

If you have your photo taken with "really key people", you can't be concerned about being recognised.

So you think people with new identities never have their photos taken? 😂

This is really common in children who have suffered trauma