My DH has a hobby that I don’t share, which is fine. His hobby friends, male and female, form quite a big part of our socialising, with partners. I do often find this quite tedious as they tend to talk obsessively about the hobby, but DH enjoys it and I formed a good relationship with another "hobby widow", a woman a bit older than me (in her 50s) and we always got together at social events to chat about other stuff.
This woman, Anna, and her partner Bill were very kind to another woman I didn’t previously know, Claire, who was in an abusive relationship. Anna and Bill helped Claire leave her abusive husband and let her stay with them for a couple of months while she sorted out a new home for herself. Then Claire left for this new home - and Bill went with her. This came as a complete bombshell to Anna, who was devastated and said she had had no suspicion anything was going on.
Anna and Bill had been together for about 15 years. They had no children together but Bill had a child from a previous relationship. In the early years Anna had given Bill money to support this child, then a teenager, and recently gave a lot of support to the young man and his wife with newborn twins.
I think both Bill and Claire have treated Anna appallingly. I appreciate that no-one really knows what goes on in other people's relationships, and perhaps it was right for them to split up, but I feel strongly about the way it was done.
My problem is that Bill now brings Claire to all the social events to which Anna previously came, as if he has just done a swap, and she chats and laughs as if she hasn’t a care in the world, and expects me to respond likewise. Bill knows how I feel because he asked my DH if DH and I would like to go round for a meal with them and DH told him he knew I wouldn't do that. So far I have just avoided Claire and Bill as much as I can, and been polite but distant, and said as little as possible, but this is getting increasingly difficult to sustain. DH agrees that they treated Anna very badly but just wants to let it go, and carry on as before. He wants me to keep going to the events with him but says my coldness is noticeable and embarrasses him and is getting ridiculous. But even being coldly polite to them makes me feel disloyal to Anna (who I still meet occasionally, and who is still very unhappy).
What should I do?
YABU - these things happen, move on and stop giving Bill and Claire a hard time.
YANBU - in solidarity with Anna you should stop going to the social events or continue barely speaking to Bill and Claire. If they or your DH don’t like it, tough.